The World's Most Irritating Celebrities
Celebrities, like the bubonic plague of the middle ages, are everywhere. Also like the plague, they are very irritating. However, unlike the plague, celebrities flourish in the 21st century. Our culture is obsessed with them, every newspaper is full of them, every magazine tells us every detail of their over exposed lives. So even if you have a hatred of certain celebrities it makes them very difficult to ignore, this serves to making them that much more annoying. The vicious circle of irritation continues until a breaking point is reached. In my case this breaking point has lead me to compile a list of the celebs that irritate me the most along with the reasons for these irritations. I hope that you agree with my selection and I apologise to any Justin Bieber fans in advance, because the only reason you're reading this is probably because someone redirected you here for a joke.
Arguably the luckiest man alive, Piers Morgan was a no brainer for who should front this list. He takes the phrase 'born with a silver spoon in his mouth' one step further by also having the face of a silver spoon. At the time of writing he is due to take over Larry King's slot on CNN, why? I have no idea. Morgan has a CV that a mass murderer wouldn't envy. The smarmy lord of the tabloid manor has a history of controversy ever since he became editor of the News of the World. He would stop at nothing to get a story and in 2004 this included publishing fake photographs of Iraqi Soldiers being abused by the British Army. The worst thing to come out of this sacking is that Morgan insisted on starting a career in television, baffling us all by becoming the most unpopular man on it but also managing to be a successful presenter at the same time. During this time he managed to get himself sacked again; this time on the celebrity apprentice. And he somehow got himself on the panel for Britain/America's got talent. Probably because he is the only man more smug and self interested than Simon Cowell, therefore making Cowell look like Gandhi. Next came Piers Morgan's life stories. the kind of show that draws in 7 million viewers when everyone's favourite lass Cheryl Cole/Tweedy/Geordie is featured but only 4 million tune in when the then Prime Minister, Gordon Brown is interviewed. Maybe because he asked questions no-one wanted to know the answer to like "Did you join the mile-high club?" Yes, this is the man who is replacing Larry King, may God have mercy on our souls.
Where to start with Paris? Let's try at the beginning. Paris was born into the wealthy Hilton hotels family business. This is when her pointlessness began. Having never needed to do a hard days work in her life, she has tried her hand at a variety of meaningless pursuits, doing them all poorly. Wikipedia defines her as an 'American socialite, heiress, media personality, model, singer, author, fashion designer and actress'. But despite all of these things she will be etched into history as the star of the brilliantly named '1 night in Paris;' A porn tape starring Paris and her then boyfriend (I forget what his name was). What's annoying is that it's not even a good porn tape, the night vision camera makes it look like a combination of a filmed badger mating ritual and an army training video, or so I was told, by a friend, who saw it. Paris represents a lot that is wrong with the capitalist western world being the queen of poor little rich girls, I don't think we would miss her if she wasn't around any more.
The scariest thing in the world at the moment is not terrorism, global warming or the global economy. It's the prospect that Sarah Palin could be the next President of the U.S. Plucked from Alaskan obscurity by John McCain, Palin became the talk of the 2008 election. She was drafted in at the last minute, as his second in command to gain the female vote, but the pair were defeated by Barack Obama and the democrats. Little did we know that she would rise from this defeat and anything that doesn't kill this beast makes her stronger. Palin is the perfect face for the republican party and as a result became the mascot for the right wing 'tea party' movement; she likes to kill things, comes from the middle of nowhere and represents so called true American values. Progress is not a word in Palin's vocabulary, she opposes any plans Obama may have towards moving the country forwards and if she gets elected, expect a regression back to the politics of fear, as made famous by the previous Bush administration.
Remember Tom Cruise, that fresh faced young actor that burst onto our screens in films like Top Gun and Rain man. He was the most likeable and bankable talent in Hollywood town. Now he's just one of the most bankable. Cruise's decent began, like many celebrities, with his belief in Scientology. This lead to Cruise demonstrating odd behaviour that some people may call mad. Incidents such as jumping on Oprah Winfrey's sofa like an excited puppy, confessing his love for his now wife Katie Holmes. Plus confusing statements related to Scientology, shown in the video I've included, where Cruise see's himself, as a Scientologist, being somehow better than other people with shocking quotes like "when you drive past an accident..it's not like anyone else....you know you're the only one who can really help" Not to mention publicly expressing scepticism towards Brooke Shields having a mental illness, whilst in referencing this incident dismissing psychiatry entirely. The most irritating about Cruise is that everyone will usually have at least one film that they like him in. If we didn't know what a fruitcake he was in his day to day life he would still be one of the most popular actors on the planet. Instead he finds himself on a yet another list of irritating celebrities. What a shame.
How is it possible to release an Autobiography when you're sixteen? Answer: When you're Justin Bieber? Bieber was born in 1994 and is most annoying because he makes me feel old (I was born in 1987). He has already had a top selling album, book and whatever else they've put his face on to flog to some 15 year old idiots. This whining child represents the potential evils that can be unleashed by social networking. (Bieber had already built up a massive fan base even before he had released anything). Justin Bieber represents the ominous spotty face of marketing in the 21st century, expect much more of this kind of internet manufactured factory line pop because there is much more of this to come in the future. However this explosion of popularity for the Canadian heartthrob did manage to give us all a laugh, when people posted porn videos disguised as Bieber promos, oh how we laughed!