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Confessions of a Conversation Heart Addict!

Updated on June 8, 2011
 

Now that the temptation is almost removed, my confession can begin.

Every Valentine's Day, millions of panic-stricken men and women scramble to purchase well-thought-out last minute gifts of love and affection. I equally fall into this category. However there's another chasm I pathetically sink into every early to mid February; that is the deep dark madness of conversation heart addiction.

Whatever it is they put into these seemingly innocent purveyors of trite slogans I have no idea. But as long as my childhood memory serves me, I've been numbed by their silent ability to drag me down the dangerous road of excessive blood-sugar lunacy. I'm telling you. These little babies are potent!

Instead of sayings such as "Be Mine" or "Only You" or "Cutie Pie," these devilish little heart-shaped addictives should harbor monikers such as "Spike My Insulin" or "Crave My Day" or "You Make Me Tremble, Tremble, Tremble." Need I say more?

In the world of conversation hearts, there's really only one player; The Sweetheart brand by NECCO, (An acronym for The New England Confectionary Company).

There are imitators disguised as the real deal, but their presence is a mere mockery to the true king of hearts. They try to compete, but the painfully sweetened mushy mess these other brands bring to the palate simply pales. The crispy, crunchy, enamel cracking reality of the Sweetheart cannot be duplicated. Others can have their chocolate, bling bling, or stuffed cuddles. For my time and effort, I'm going for the colorful, wordy, flaky confection of dreams. Oooh Yeah!

Thankfully, these dastardly treats arrive only once a year. Regretfully, their effects can linger for days. I pitifully await their arrival and honestly mourn their absence. Yes, I am an addict. The NECCO Sweethearts rank high on my seasonal list of vices; with the complimentary salsa from On the Border chiming a close second. We can only hope for a 12-step program.

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    • In The Doghouse profile image

      In The Doghouse 

      10 years ago from California

      Rob

      This was so funny! I can tell we have similar humor, I wrote a HUB about the "Baby Ruth Bar" when the theme for the day was baby. I enjoy your writing syle as well. Continue to write. This was great!

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