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Coors Light Label Suggests Contempt for Consumer Intelligence

Updated on August 16, 2009
These women have nothing to do with my point beyond the body paint which does apply, so technically there is no reason why I should not use them.  :)
These women have nothing to do with my point beyond the body paint which does apply, so technically there is no reason why I should not use them. :)

Ok, most people that have read much of my stuff know I love Coors Light. And I do. And I don’t care if you beer snobs out there are wrinkling up your snooty noses about it. Go ahead, see if I care. Wrinkle away. When you do that you get a piggy-nose thing going on and we can all see your nose hairs. Very nice. (I think you need a hanky, you have a little cling-on in the left one, btw.)

But I have to say, this blue mountain label thing is really sort of insulting our intelligence.

If you are not familiar with the blue mountain thing, well, I’ll catch you up.

Coors Light has on the label the image of a mountain range. When the beer is at room temperature (which should be a crime, by the way, punishable by death), the mountains on the label are white. Now I’m not even going to comment on the fact that snow is white and that, well, it could be argued that white is just as cold a color as blue. I won’t mention that at all because it’s not pertinent to my point.

Observe...

So, when the beer is cold enough (around 40 or so degrees) the label mountains turn blue. The argument for this is that, and I’m quoting here, is, “Consumers tend to keep their refrigerators set to between 40º and 45º F, so the label color starts to change around 48º F and is at full color between 40º and 44º F, indicating the beer has reached the perfect temperature” (quote from HERE).

Ok, I’m sure you all spotted the unfathomable stupidity right there, but just in case you didn’t, I’m going to go ahead and break that out for you.

The label representative dude just said, “Consumers keep their refrigerators set between 40º and 45º F.” That’s what he said, you guys read it. I even provide the link if you don’t believe me when I say he said it. He said the words THEY KEEP THEIR FRIDGE AT 40º F-ING DEGREES. When he says “they” who the hell is he talking about? Some dumb-ass morons?

I mean, while my wife might occasionally consider me to be a dumb-ass moron, I, in fact, am generally not. So, that means I am a representative member of the “they” in question. If THEY (me) keep their fridge at 40 degrees, then THEY (me) must KEEP it there on purpose as the the use of the verb "to keep" implies an active role in the maintenance of temperature. Which means, I must have to actively SET my fridge to 40ish degrees if I really intend to KEEP it there. So, why, might you ask, would I choose to KEEP my fridge at 40º? Is it because I think 40º is a fun number? Forty starts with “f” just like “fridge” does. And fun starts with “f” too. So does the F-word, which really comes to mind when I think people think I’m stupid. So why would THEY (me) keep the fridge at forty?

The answer is simple: the reason anyone would KEEP a fridge at 40ish degrees is because they F-ing KNOW that 40 degrees is COLD. So why in the name of God would they need a picture of a blue F-ing mountain to tell them fridge is cold and therefore the beer is cold when they are the ones who set the goddamn thing to forty degrees to begin?

Ok, I hear what you’re saying. You’re saying, “Dude, what if your fridge isn’t working? What if it’s not actually AT 40º. How would you know if the mountain on the bottle wasn’t blue, then?”

Notice where these blue-mountain beers are.  You'll notice they are NOT, like, kept on my desk or stored in my toolbox or the back of my truck.
Notice where these blue-mountain beers are. You'll notice they are NOT, like, kept on my desk or stored in my toolbox or the back of my truck.

Alright, that’s a fair question. But, it’s not an issue. And again, this goes to how the Coors Light people assume I’m a moron still.

So let’s say my fridge IS broken. Let’s say for example (if you have small children in the room who are easily terrified by horrific depictions of cruel and unspeakable things, send them out)… let’s say my beer has warmed up to room temperature. (I know, I know, it’s just a hub. It’s okay.)

So, in comes the innocent, lovable and unsuspecting Shadesbreath to grab another one. He opens up the fridge and sees a beer on the shelf. He grabs it. There’s no color-indicator on the label so he has NO way of knowing if the beer is cold…

Oh wait, yes, he does… because HIS GODDAMN HAND IS WRAPPED AROUND THE F-ING BOTTLE.

I can feel this.
I can feel this.
I can feel this too.
I can feel this too.

Dude, seriously… WTF happened to tactile senses for Christ’s sake? Are we really so retarded we can’t touch a can or bottle and know if it’s cold? How unfathomably moronic are we in this country if we need a stupid-ass label to tell us what our sense of touch can already tell? Dude. I swear. If America gets one IQ point stupider I’m declaring full-on Darwinian DE-volution underway. Another hundred years of this crap and we’re back to wooden tipped spears and mammoth fur underpants.

BUT WAIT! You say… what if a beer drinker has some sort of touch-sense neuro-blindness thing? You know, some disease or something where they can’t “feel” cold due to neural damage or something?


First off, … uh.. what?

But ok, I’ll play your insidious game.

So they can’t touch it and feel it’s cold. Maybe Coors Brewing Company is being so concerned for all citizens and covering for all possibilities no matter how remote.

Fine.

Two flaws there. The first is that if all they can do is rely on sight… well, when you open the fridge they can SEE the frosty condensate that forms on the outside of the bottle when the beer is cold. If it’s not there, the beer ain’t cold. So there you go.

Secondly, if they can’t feel “cold” on their hands, they won’t feel it on their lips and tongue due to the same neural condition. So, yeah. Nice try.

 So, anyway, I just wanted people to know that Coors Light thinks we’re all stupid. I’m sure the beer snobs probably think so too, thinking to themselves, “You drink Coors Light, you are stupid.” Fine, keep telling yourself that over your warm pint of vomit-thick Guinness. I’m fine with that. But, for the rest of you, be warned: corporate America has a very, very low opinion of you.

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    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California

      Heh, yeah, this one amused me one warm day. I have to say, I should have come back and added more when they put the second temperature bar on there, but, well, the point was made. (As if I really had a point lol).

    • Cagsil profile image

      Cagsil 5 years ago from USA or America

      Well Shadesbreath, you did again. This was too funny! Great Hub! Somehow, I didn't catch this when you published it. It might just slipped through. Oh well. Read now. :P :)

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California

      Jono, you are completely right, or at least mostly completely right, and I won't argue a single point, except to say, one would have to really, really cold to have hands frosty enough to make a 40 degree bottle of beer feel warm. Not saying it can't happen, just saying, at that point I think you have bigger problems than the temperature of your beer.

      Other than that, well, I'm guessing the tongue-in-cheek part of this may have gotten lost in translation, so, I'll just say thanks for reading and taking the time to leave thoughtful remarks.

    • profile image

      Jono 5 years ago

      Firstly I'm only guessing but would assume coors did reasearch into at which temperature or below which temperature a coors light preformed best in a taste test then they made the mountains go blue at that temperature. So partly its just consumer advice, and if you like your beer at whatever other temperature just ignor it.

      Secondly, People don't actually feel different temperatures the way you might think they do. You actually percieve temperature through both the difference in temperature between the object and whatever part of your body is in contact with said object, presumably your hands, and the material it is made from. So the bottle will feel warm at 40 degrees if your hands are very cold, and the bottle may feel cold even though it is above that temperature if your hands are very warm.

      As an example of one possible advantage it could be usefull if you have a glass door on your fridge, not common in a household sure but in pubs etc when a fridge has been restocked looking for the blue mountains will be quicker than feeling ever bottle.

      Finally did you notice any other beer product with this?

      You seem to be under the impression that coors think you and all/most other people who drink coors are idiots, fortunately its just your own ignorance, which I personally don't see as a negative thing as it just means you aren't aware of something, that thing is called a U.S.P. a unique selling point, something which makes a product different from the rest, they don't have to be a genius idea just unique, usually when they are genius other companies will pay to use it. Often with products that don't really change it is just used as an oportunity to advirtise the product in another way from "it tastes great" because they all say that and people get bored of it.

      I'm sure coors only intention was to get people talking about it and possibly persuade people to give it a try, so that they realise its nice and maybe change a few people to coors drinkers...... and even if the only thing that that might achieve for you is that you get less flak for drinking coors light you should appreciate it, not go looking for a reason it may somehow offend you which only an idiot would think as it makes no sense for a company to try to offend all of its customers other than those with no sence of feeling(who would be in such a minority it wouldn't be profitable to try and target), instead of suggesting that they were trying to offend you, you could have asked someone if they knew any reasons, other that to indicate its at 40 degrees, why coors might have put a great example how thermochromism on their cans.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California

      I'm not sure what to make of that, so I'll just smile and nod.

    • profile image

      Josh 5 years ago

      Your writing is embarrassing to me.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

      I understand the more of those room temperater Bass ales you drink, the better they get. :D

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

      To know milk is frozen, all you have to do is shake the bottle. I guess that would be the same with beer?? I do agree that I certainly don't need the bottle to have a picture that changes color!

      When I spent 8 days in a pub in Wales, I actually learned to enjoy a room-temperature bottle of Bass. It got to taste pretty good!

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

      See, I bet you don't need a special label on your milk carton to know if it's frozen either. You can probably tell by how hard the container has gotten, or by the facct that it has split open and perhaps made a mess in the fridge. No fancy, color changing needs to occur. I bet your milk company respects you enough to assume you know when your milk is frozen. :D

      I think Cream Sherry would be good on a one-off basis, but as a regular refreshment, mmm, ew. I think I would have just tried to get used to warm beer. (I have heard that thing about ice though. That almost counters the appeal of the British chicks' accents on the "Which country is the coolest to visit" scale.)

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

      I was reading a hub on humor by Stan Fletcher and he had a link to this one. Therefore, even though I am not a beer drinker, here I am. Funny hub! I just checked my fridge, which has been freezing my milk, and it does not give degrees.

      When I spent a summer in England and did drink beer, I could not find any that was cold. I also had difficulty finding ice. I finally resorted to Cream Sherry. Sad!

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Hmm, that's an interesting point. If staff were to take that measure of customer care, then I would have to say the blue labels might be counted a convenience in that regard. I'm still not sure they are necessary, and I am not sure the typical bartender is that attentive, but, I definitely think you have an excellent point.

    • profile image

      bluelips 7 years ago

      On the other hand - If I was in a bar and not at home and the volume of drinks was higher - I depend on he staff in that outlet to get me cold one - if it aint blue - it aint cold right? - They can be in too much of a hurry at times and at least they can see if its cold enough or not.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      You know, in a way, you have a point. So in a way, I stand corrected. In another way, I'd like to sell you a sense of humor, but then, not really, because if I did, you wouldn't leave such fun comments. So, just cheers to you.

    • profile image

      garyv1233 7 years ago

      HEY MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have it all wrong.What the hell are you talking about?? Coors ad says when the mountains turn blue the beer is as cold as the Rockies. Has nothing to do with your fridge, now go out into the real world and get a life

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Drinking the beer pleases me greatly. It bypasses my intelligence and goes straight to my amygdala like I like.

    • profile image

      bob 7 years ago

      You think that this insults your intelligence more than drinking that beer does?

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Yes, I have seen that movie. I reference it frequently as one of the most prophetic and terrifying movies of all time. The comedy/stupidity of it masks the tragedy in portends.

    • cbris52 profile image

      cbris52 7 years ago

      This hub is too funny! I'm not a fan of coors, I'm a bud light fan, but really... Have you seen the movie "Idiocracy". Honestly, we are going through a serious dumbing down right now.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      LoL @ "mood ring" label. That is so true.

    • profile image

      philip carey 61 7 years ago

      I think it's targeted at the Bubba demographic, by and large. I found the mood ring label a bit cheesy too. Well written.

    • Springboard profile image

      Springboard 7 years ago from Wisconsin

      So the goal is then...two sets of blue mountains before the bottle is empty? :)

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      LOL, see, now THAT is a useful thing to have on a can. Although, I have to tell you, I'm kinda having fun with the blue mountains now. I use them to force myself to drink faster. As soon as the label starts turning back to white, I know I need to finish that one up quick. Perhaps Coors is smarter than I thought, and it is just a ploy to make us drink faster. Hmmm......

    • Springboard profile image

      Springboard 7 years ago from Wisconsin

      When I first heard about the whole blue mountains thing I thought, "hey, what a nifty idea." I still think it's nifty, even if the definition of "nifty" is "very good" or "very attractive," both of which I guess a blue mountain could be. Surely a cold beer is nifty by that definition, is it not? Who really wants a warm beer? I've got German in me and I don't want a warm beer.

      But now that you put it THAT way, I must confess it DOES sound a little bit...off putting. How would I know if my beer wasn't cold enough? Because once it hit my mouth I'd make a face and scream out loud, "this beer is warm!" At which point I'd probably rely more on the temperature dial in my fridge than anything happening on my beer bottle.

      Perhaps what Coors could do instead, which I think would be MUCH wiser would be to say "We at Coors want you to enjoy our beers responsibly. Therefore, please note that we have one set of mountains on our bottles and cans. When you see two sets, it's time to call it quits for the night."

    • Stan Fletcher profile image

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      This one is funnier than hell!

      I am one of your vomit-consuming beer snobs, and I DID actually think of your last paragraph before I got to it. But I respect the hell out of you. Some ad people are morons. I bet the people who appreciate the blue label have already purchased their Snuggies for Christmas gifts. Even though you seem to have be unnatural attraction to cold horse piss, I think your hubs are swell.

      (DISCLAIMER: The above comment was intended with tongue-in-cheek style humor.)

      (ANOTHER DISCRAIMER:The above disclaimer was for our low-IQ'd friends who actually yearned for the blue label with a great deal of anticipation.)

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

      K. Fine. I won't.

      Anyway, I'm officially outa here in less than 24 hours so I'll catch up with people later.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Damn dude. I love how you just sort of toss that "I almost croaked" and "four day coma" in there as an aside. You know: Oh yeah, everything's fine, brushed my teeth, took a nap, guts exploded and nearly died, came home washed the car, same-ole/same-ole. SHEESH! That sounds harrowing man.

      Imma hit you up via email.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Don't worry about it. It's nothing. Don't care.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

      To Chris:

      What do you mean I don't read anything that you write?! Harumph! (That's the sound disgruntled sprytes make...) I just don't always comment. It's tough leaving witty comments all the time y'know? :) Love yoooooo!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Did I hear my name? Hey, Shades. Busy huh? Pretty busy myself and don't get to HP too much any more. I'm writing but not so much for here. Published only two things since way back when--recently--but they're not funny. One about the death penalty which I set out to make funny (what was I thinking?) turned out to be serious and the other is a satire of a Literary Anlysis of a writer who happens to be Evilpants. I think it's funny--like delivering a joke with a totally straight face, but either it doesn't succeed or it's a little above people's heads. Some, I think, believe I'm serious.

      So yeah, the top secret, by-invitation-only writer's site has turned a little too much into a mini-hub pages. To say more we'll have to communicate privately. Not that it's a great secret or anything, but my personal opinions are just that and not for everybody to hear (or read). I will say publicly however that the Boss Lady (who would cringe if she knew I just called her that) is great! I absolutely adore her, and she's a great writer too, whose work you can read right on these very pages. There is a literary agency springing out of the thing, which is exciting, and yes, I think my writing has risen to that level. I wish Spryte would contribute there more, but then neither she nor anyone else reads what I post there, except boss lady and John (formerly known as Goldentoad here on HP.) I've often wished you were there. Doesn't sound like you'd have time anyway though. But if you ever want to, I'll get you in though it's closed to new members. It is a great in into the literary agency though, where there is real potential. It's worth it just for that.

      So I almost croaked. Had a strangulated hernia and a ruptured bowel. Went to the hospital after five days because I couldn't keep anything down, but I didn't hurt too bad. Next thing I know, I'm being wheeled into emergency surgery and the doctors kept telling my wife that I had a 5% to !0% chance of living. I kept saying, "It's just the flu...only a flesh wound," etc., but they fixed me up pretty good. Coma for 4 days, blah, blah, blah. Doing great and recovered really fast.

      We should catch up. It's good that your busy, though, and got this new job when so many are looking for one. What were you going to school for? A masters in writing or something? I forget.

      Good to communicate with you! I come by sometimes to see if you've published anything, but naw, you haven't.

      Write me if you have time.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Well, sounds like I missed out on the fun messing with the troll. I do love a good troll bashing. And it's funny to hear you got the farm bug and stuff on My Face. My wife and numerous others have been stricken with that addiction. So far I've resisted the urge to try. I'm kinda waiting for Diablo III for my next video crack phase.

      I keep hearing about that secret writers club. It seems to have gobbled up a few of you guys. Who does the reading, does it have a public face so people can see what you guys write, or is it just a community of writers doing sort of a workshop environment thing?

      And yeah, it's good and bad how easily people can find us (and about us) online. Kind of creepy. My company does a lot of marketing work with information licensed from various companies who do nothing BUT gather consumer data. Dude, Big Brother is SO already in play. Government Big Brother and Corporate Big Other Brother.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

      I see Chris quite often...via email and the secret writers by invite only website (which I'm horribly lax at contributing to as well btw). You still have his email? Just in case you don't...I'll let him know you were asking about him. The two of you have a lot to catch up on...but I'll leave that to him to tell.

      WoW? What is this WoW you speak of? :) I haven't played the game for months...ever since I fell prey to my husband's goading to join Facebook and discovered virtual farms, cafes and other games. Who has time to quest when the crops need to be planted...and harvested...and then re-planted. I have promised the hubby that when the new expansion comes out we will return to Warcraft...but it's nice to take a vacation from that stuff, even if it's for another addiction.

      And you are right. Someday McDonald's will have a volcano on their coffee cups and I will be kicking myself in the ass for having not copyrighted the idea.

      As for my troll...and it should be safe to mention it here...well, I sorta led him to believe that my husband (who is in truth a former bounty hunter) was hot on his tail. The IP addresses were easily tracked to a specific area of the country and I deduced by that location and the person he was maligning (my friend) that he had to have at the very least a passing acquaintance with her. All it took was a not-so-veiled threat that I would get his personal info from the internet provider and pass along his name to her...

      Suddenly the troll has gone quiet. He's probably crapping his pants hoping his Mommy and Daddy don't find out. :) Chris and Misty helped by playing it up...so I'd say unless the moron has some notion of being bullet-proof (which is possible) we're rid of him.

      Other than that...most of my time has been devoted to home renovations and replacing expensive appliances that have an uncanny sense of when their warranty has just run out.

      Like most everyone else...I miss our comraderie too and your previous convoluted explanation, which pretty much boiled down to the song "Turn, turn, turn," left me rather teary-eyed and melancholy. *sniffle* It's why I keep your email address handy...no matter the time and distance that separates all of us, I like the thought that I can reach out and touch anyone of you cuz we're friends.

      Hell, if my college room-mate who became a nun can find me via hubpages (and oh yes she did) after six years and renew our friendship...then anything is possible.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Hey Spryte!!!! LTNS. It's going great (except I got a real job that sucks all my time now. Between work and school I hardly write anything anymore for fun :( Don't even play WoW. Oh well, all things in time.

      How are you? I heard you were being harassed on one of your hubs, but by the time I got the message it was like six days ago. I'm assuming your wit eviscerated the fool?

      Speaking of fools, dude, I think you could totally sell that volcano thing on the label to McDonalds or Starbucks or something. That's exactly the type of gimmick that someone would buy. Frankly, that's the sort of thing that you will conceive but not pursue and then find on a cup somewhere in four years and say to yourself, "Self, you coulda been a contenda." :P

      I'm glad to see you're still poking around here. You ever see Reilly?

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Well slap me upside the head and call me late for the party...no, that wasn't a serious request...you can put your hand down.

      I'm sure I've mentioned that I don't drink beer unless I'm really, really thirsty and there's nothing else to be had...or...I'm convinced that perhaps I should try it again since I've obviously forgotten how disgusting it tasted the previous time. It's pretty much the same thing with turnips.

      However...I have to agree with you that the whole gimmick of blue mountains determining optimal drinking temperature is just simply moronic. Now if they turned blue because they were originally cold...but then some idiot went and left them in his garage for a month...and then tried to pass them off on his drunken buddies as drinkable beer by re-colding them...well, then I'd say it could be providing a valuable service. Nobody wants to drink skunked beer...which I understand tastes far worse than normal beer.

      But who am I to complain...I'm sitting here swilling down cold coffee. Why dont' they have mountains for me??? Hell amake them volcanos for all I care...pouring down molten lava so that I won't make the mistake of scalding my tongue...and....wait a second.

      McDonald's...Dunkin Donuts...listen up. Have I got a GREAT idea for you guys. Okay, okay...so you can dispense with that truly idiotic label warning that says "Warning: Contents May Be Hot" and put some mountains on the outside. If they're red...don't gulp it down. Perhaps a lovely shade of fuschia would be the optimal temperature...what do you think?

      Nice to see ya Shades...how's it goin? :)

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      WSP, I think you may be reading me at face value more than I intend, but, alas, such is the nature of the written word, so subject to interpretation. I almost feel bad picking on Coors Light for their label, particularly since it was due to the dewy cold goodness that I was inspired to recognize the absurd, or seemingly absurd, nature of the blue mountain fun.

      AceDubs,

      That's awesome. There have been a few others in the comments who have pointed out potential in the label that I might have missed. First, I'm glad you recognized that this was written entirely in fun, sort of in the guise of "bad publicity" which, as we all know, any publicity is good publicity, sort of thing. However, I will for the sake of playing my role as curmudgeon and pseudo consumer activist, point out that one might use either of the techniques listed in my article for determining whether a beer was cold while on the beer run in your example. The condensation test and the cold to the touch test. And while you are totally correct about the aluminum can feeling cold, I must point out that at the moment, there is no blue label gizmo on cans as yet, so that is something of a red herring. :D

      (And don't get me started on AB. If I write a nasty article on them, it won't be out of fun and affection. Budweiser gives me intestinal distress, plus they are foreign now - which doesn't really matter to me if the beer is good, but since I am not a fan, I can pretend like that matters to me.)

    • profile image

      AceDubs 7 years ago

      Ummm well I hate to tell you your kind of missing one very important point. As a family member of one of the marketing directors responsible for approving these changing beer bottles and cans I can tell you for certain the point of them.

      You've missed some important considerations

      1. it tells you when you buy it at the liquor store if it is ready to drink. If you're on your way to tailgate and you stop buy to get a case, blue mountains say: You don't have to leave me in the cooler forever to get cold enough, I'll optimal temperature when you are ready to drink me

      2. if you did happen to buy a case that was just delivered and not chilled till the mountains were blue, lets say your on a beer run from a party- we have all thrown cans and bottles in the freezer to chill them well the blue mountains will tell you exactly when your beer is ready with out having to wait a second to long to continue your beer pong game

      and finally all aluminum cans feel cool to the touch after a short period of refrigeration, the color changing ink is activated by the temperature of the liquid inside the can not the ambient temperature of the air surrounding it.

      So while I appreciate your coors bottle as a fridge thermometer, I seriously did laugh... only a little though more like a chuckle, you should know that coors takes great pains to talk to its customers not at them or down to them. They could take the position of some other companies (*Cough-AB-Cough*) and talk to the public like you are a 6 yr old with half your brain missing

    • wsp2469 profile image

      wsp2469 7 years ago from Alta Loma, Ca

      This is a surprise to you? Of course corporate America thinks people are stupid. How long have we known you can get cancer from smoking? How long have they been making movies that seem like a kindergarten picture book version of novels? I used to work in retail. When Coors came out with that all i could think of was maybe this was supposed to be an optimum serving temperature or something but according to you that isn't what the advertising campaign says.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Well, that way you can prevent frostbite if it's TOO cold and burns if for some reason your fridge overheats, catches fire and begins to boil your beer. You are ready to drink either way.

    • abcd1111 profile image

      abcd1111 7 years ago from Glen Ellyn, IL (Chicago suburb)

      I put on oven gloves before taking my beer out of the fridge. This Coors gimmick has been a big help.

      Thanks for the laughs!

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      The upside of devolution, however, is that once we reclaim our primitive simplicity, these things will no longer bother us. We'll be able to just perch in our tree eating bananas and blissfully throwing poo at whomever walks beneath us.

    • profile image

      Maggie 7 years ago

      I love it! These are the types of thoughts running through my head ALL DAMN DAY EVERY DAY. Unfortunately, Darwinian De-Evolution has in fact already set in (as has just been proven in your argument), and because of it people are just causing it to become more prevalent. I find it ironic that the very process of evolution that gave mankind a higher complexity of thought is exactly what is causing us to allow ourselves to subsequently "de-evolve". haha

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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      LOL, having chugged an unexpectedly thick swig of milk once, I have to say, I really have no issue with that particular product packaging detail. lol

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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      What a great idea Funnebone, I would love to read that one :)

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      shah 7 years ago

      i am thirsty.

      http:// fashion-worldnews.blogspot.com

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      funnebone 7 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

      Stay tuned for Shades next edition of Consumer Retort: Why I don't need expiration dates on my milk, the Nazi conspiracy.

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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      That would be nice I agree, sigh, no such luck though, too many people competing to have their adverts on your articles I'm afraid.

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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      I wish it all just happened automatically and I got a check for just writing. lol

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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Another good one I am told is http://wwwaffspy.com Apparently this is a site where you can find affiliate products to advertise on your hubpages. It scans lots of different affiliate programs such as clickbank and CPA networks.

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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      I'll look into that. Thanks. It's news to me.

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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Nor did I until a friend recommended it to me. Essentially it is a list of ebooks etc that if you put links to them on your sites they will pay you up to 75% of the cost of the product per sale made. Hubpages only allows you to put two per hub, but you can make sure you select ones that are appropriate to the subject of the hub, plus pay the maximum commissions. They can be found at clickbank.com if you are interested.

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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      LOL shows how much attention I pay to making my fortune... don't even know what Clickbank is.

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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Yes, I got a credit to my bank account about 7 months ago for the equivalent of $100, or in UK pounds about £69. No idea which hubs made the money though! I have received about £2.50 from ebay, and although I haven't crossed the payout threshold yet, I am up to about $50 on Clickbank for using affiliate links on my hubs, (which I have only been doing for a matter of a month or two).

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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Yup. I keep telling myself I'mma write some that can make money and be of sound ethical principle. Have some in mind, just have to find the mood to write them. My "Bad Wrap" one and "How to Write Bachelor's Degree" and, oddly, my "Cats love us more than dogs" make steady cash. I have some others too... I'm actually getting pretty close to 100 bucks, like 90 I think, gonna get a check here pretty soon. LOL. Might even motivate me to bust out the five or six money makers I have outlined.

      U get a check yet?

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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Ahh, well, at least a few of us still stay in touch with each other and aren't totally focussed on money making like so many on hubpages seem to be :)

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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      It's the nature of those moments in our lives. The newness of an experience and the joy of discovery creates an environment where relationships are made openly because our personal doors are open. Those things are often fleeting, however, because there is nothing rooting them to permanence, or, perhaps more pointedly, something was missing or introduced that prevents them becoming rooted to permanence. I think the overwhelming influx of people and the focus on earnings was just too much current in the river to allow a patch of weeds like us to establish well.

      Or something. :D

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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      I know, it is a shame isn't it :(

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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Maybe she's playing WoW again. I know she's a fan of that game, and there is a new (semi-new) expansion for the game and some new "dungeons." If not that, I have no idea. And no, haven't heard from her. The Summer of '08 group has dissipated as many ephemeral summer things do.

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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Have you heard from Spryte by the way, as she is missing in action too, and is not responding to posts made on her hubs either??

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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Ahhh, but can you think of a better person for the job?? :)

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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      So she's a sheep tending to children and yappy miniature dogs? lol.

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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Bless her, poor Gwendy, she needs to "return to the fold" asap :)

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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Bleh, poor Gwendy. Children are annoying. Dogs are annoying. Chihuahua's are even more annoying than real dogs. She's got a triple annoyance factor going.

      Arrrgonaut, you might be right about me being too harsh on beer snobs, and I will try to work on that. In the meantime, I have to tell you, I completely disagree with everything your aunt taught you. :D

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      arrrgonaut 7 years ago from Tennessee

      Love the hub. But I think you are too harsh on beer snobs. I'm a snob but not by choice. I think it's something I was taught by a long dead great-aunt. Ladies don't cross their legs while wearing a miniskirt and ladies don't drink cheap and or American beers.

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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Found Gwendy, she seems to be inundated with children and Chihuahua puppies right now, LOL.

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      sunforged 7 years ago from Sunforged.com

      I think your article is absolutely spot on, they missed the angle by making the fridge example in the first place...it could also be a good way to quickly make sure that a waiter or bartender is handing you a cold beer! ...to bad they dont put the label on beer, only on beer substitutes like coors

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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Hah, great points, Sunforged! Again, there appears an angle that I missed. Perhaps I have completely missed the boat on this issue after all. Maybe I'll write an extraction article and boost my hub numbers.

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      sunforged 7 years ago from Sunforged.com

      sometimes i use a cooler so that i dont have to drag my fridge around, beer gets placed in cooler at different times, i dont necessarily want to dig around in the ice looking for the coldest ones plus my hand is frozen at that point so is no longer the best thermometer, a color changing label would be great on beer - to bad they only have it on those coors things.

      oh yeah, on some weekends i work liquor promotions with girls who look just like the ones pictured. what a wonderful life

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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Hmm, not there, eh? That seems odd. Maybe she turned them off? (Can you even do that? lol).

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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Phew, nice to know you are still alive Shades, wonder where Gwendy really is then!! Must try to track her down harder I reckon, but her email option and her fan mail options don't seem to be there any more, so I have to rely on posting to her hubs in the hope she checks in.

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      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      LOL, I post. In fact, I saw your message the other day on my Blackberry, but for some reason, it won't let me approve comments, so I was gonna wait and reply at home when I could approve yours, but then I forgot, but the email reminder was showing up as "read" so... yeah. LOL. One of those deals.

      As for Gwendy (and a lot of the "old crew") yeah, I think Hubpages has hit it's economic engine stride, so a huge portion of the social thing has waned. Someone was talking about some secret "invite" only thing that a number of people were invited to write on, but not sure what that is. Maybe Gwendy got a golden ticket to that.

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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Now thinking you and Gwendymom have eloped together as neither of you seem to be posting, even on your own hubs!! Worried now :(

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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      God Shades, I am so glad I decided to check in on you as I found this hub of yours that I hadn't seen before. Fab stuff, and all of it, plus the great comments, had me in fits of laughter. Missed you :)

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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Thank you Jen, I'm glad to hear it... well, except the ass coming off part. I hope you were able to get that reattached, otherwise you will be drinking standing up from here on out.

      Jewels, you and BT could just film the new commercial and send it in and maybe get paid.

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      Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

      Snorting mixed with cackling at computer screen! They should have been more lateral in their thinking. Turn blue labels prevent tongue accidents. That would make a great visual commercial. Who are these people? I want commission.

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      Jeni H 8 years ago from Florida

      I loved this hub really tho made me laugh my ass off! However I just love label I think its cool well when it first came out I was like woah and dude coors is amazing beer! however now it is pretty dumb and i could care less as long as I get my beer!

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      B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

      High praise from the two of you! Everybody needs to lol sometimes, and I'm here to serve. If 40 degree (4.44 degrees to you, Jewels) Coors Light comes out of your nose, well, then I guess I get a good laugh too!

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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      ROFL is right. I truly lol'ed at that. Frickin' B.T., you kill me man.

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      Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

      ROFL. lots. Only you could come back with that!

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      B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

      Hi Jewels! I'd lub to thtay ad talk, bud I hab a beer boddle thtuck to by tug!

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      Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

      Gosh, feels like a reunion of sorts.

      Back on the beer stuff, have to be careful putting your tongue to the bottle, in Oz the beer's so cold it can get stuck.

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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      ROFL! Ok, B.T., you know what, THAT is the first legitimate defense of this strategy. I hadn't thought of the Jackalope angle, and I confess, I stand corrected. I was wrong. I will leave this article up anyway, because many humans may have the same response I did and it will do them good to work through their issues only to discover your fine point here in comments. They too will understand and have had the therapeutic process of the reading to serve as adequate vent. (Nice to see you again, btw. :)

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      B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

      Hi Shades. I'm back, and I have a defense for this technology. There are those of us who have extremely hairy pal...err...furry paws. As such, we tend to suffer from a kind of tactile sensory deprivation. Before the advent of this amazing new label, I had to lick every bottle or can to check the temperature. For some reason, my guests were a little put off by that. Go figure.

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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      I've always had this sort of abiding respect for Aussies and never really knew why. I mean, I admit it might have been because I saw the movie the Thorn Birds when I was young and had a crush on the chick that played 20+ Meggie, but I think it may actually be that kinship of beer drinkers with the ability to feel cold through touch... like we share this tactile clairvoyance or something... "a knowing" as you say.

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      Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

      No doubt the Aussies did think of this first, but as Christopher scientifically discovered it was biting into real drinking time. I'm thinkin the Aussie marketers would have seen this and known that Aussies take their beer drinkin far too seriously to be concerned about iced mountains and blue labels, something of a rarity in this country anyway. Aussies have this sensor thingy, I think it's genetic in some sectors of the country. Is called touch and by golly if you have your mates over and the beer ain't cold, you're basically..... it's not on, just doesn't happen....mortal sin type of thing. It's just not done to not have cold beer in the esky waiting. By the time your 22 you have the art of cold beer down as a fine art. It's ingrained and becomes a knowing.

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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      LOL I Just watched all of the commercials on there. Those are funny. And yeah, the one you're talking about is on there ... or I assume your'e talking the about the one with the label after which he screams like a girl. (I laughed). Good stuff.

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      Dr. Jones 8 years ago

      Shades, I think the guys at Mike's hard lemonade read your blog! have you seen their latest commercial? Go to their website, I am sure it is on there. I only felt a little gay going there. And by "gay" I mean joyful and happy.

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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      You know, I find myself inexplicably thirsty as well. A mystery for us both, but I shall hoist one in your general direction as we contemplate the why's and how's of it.

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      Am I dead, yet? 8 years ago

      I am really thirsty now...I wonder why that is?

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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      You know, there may be some sort of beer side effect that does that, Seabas, I know there is a side effect of beer that makes me use more words that start with F, so, probably is one for reading more too. Frankly, I think that makes us a good connection for reader/readee :)

      (You think this one has "F's" in it, I have some rants that got past my own porous profanity filters). I keep them hidden between my respectable hubs though, so nobody notices.

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      Seabastian 8 years ago from Raleigh

      It seems that your hub has more words begining with F than almost any of the others that I have read but I am not at all offended. Do you think it has anything to do with being a beer drinker reading about beer?

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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Yeah, that is a funny commercial. I confess, they almost give the joke away and undermine my pseudo-rant, but, we'll keep that our secret.

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      Crazdwriter 8 years ago

      I'm not much of a beer drinker but if I do feel like drinking a beer I too go for Coors Light. One my Tata, may he rest in peace, loved so I drink it too. plus I do like the flavor. :) Great hub! And the commercial...too d@mn funny!

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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      You know, Elena, I have to tell you, for a moment you almost had me convinced. I was like, "Wow, that's a great point; I didn't think of that." But then I was like, "Wait. Elena could just hold the beer and say, DUDE, this crap is warm... wtf?"

      However, I guess there is an argument to be made for having the mechanism in place that proves the 40-44 degree thing observably. So, I will grant you that you do have a good point. So, if Coors Light wants to continue marketing blue-mountain beer to Dublin bars, I will allow it. :)

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      Elena. 8 years ago from Madrid

      Laugh! Shades, I'll tell you one instance where the blue mountain comes in handy: While I'm in Dublin, I tend to drink Coors Light in the hotel (because, let's face it, I just abhor a "warm pint of vomit-thick Guinness"), and when the barman comes with a bottle I can tell whether it's cold enough or not. More than once, I've sent the guy back to retrieve another bottle where the moutain was bluer, 'cause those Dubliners won't think twice of serving ALL sorts of beer as warm as the Guinness. Do you think the THEY in the add may refer to bartenders in Dublin?!

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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Thanks for laughing. :)

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      Sandy Mertens 8 years ago from Wisconsin, USA

      Thanks for the laugh!

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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      LOL... BO, you must work for the marketing company that sold Coors Light on that mountain idea. See, that is PRECISELY the kind of thing that is already totally obvious. My wife plays possum the moment... well, you understand. Sometimes I think she out-sleeps me on weekends purely based on that, uh, on the uh, the reflex due to obvious issues of mornings etc. So, no... erm, no "member mountains" are required.

      The mood ring comment above does make me think that there might be a market for mood-condoms though. Bo, we may have a business venture in the making.

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      Bo Bixbie 8 years ago from Mid-West

      Here's an idea. How about a logo on your johnson. When you get an erection it turns blue. That way your girlfriend knows exactly when it's time for her to pretend she's asleep!

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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Ron, I'm with you man. They would lose my market share except that the beer is really good and I always keep it cold, so, they won't, which is sad because that means I will have to endure the endless idiocy because the CEO will probably interpret my patronage as evidence that his marketing campaign is working. lol

      Mighty Mom, you bring up some excellent points. You could, in fact, totally use a Coors bottle to calibrate your refrigerator. However, I think that is less evidence of a good beer marketing campaign than it is evidence of a clever person (you) utilizing a bad marketing campaign. In fact, by you using a Coors to calibrate your fridge, you will actually be making that fridge cold enough to make other, competitive beers taste better due to cold as well. So, they are actually helping the enemy.

      The ice chest thing, well, all I can say is, I see your point, but you still would have been able to TOUCH the beer and know how cold it was. Plus, honestly, if you are in a place where you are drinking out of an ice chest, you are not going to wait for the beer to get colder or not once you are in the mood for a beer. I'll grant, you might go get some out of someone else's ice chest if you have the option, but, I'm going to assume you donn't always have that option. So, yeah. :P

      (Hope I don't sued either. lol. I was pretty careful naming this hub to give me some room to wiggle. The "suggests" ought to cover me.)

      Pgrundy, didn't you hear about the reset? Some monks in Tibet revealed a universal reset on all beer-drinking allotments back in 2000. Apparently, some sort of millennial factor and assorted spiritual stuff wiped the slate clear for all beer consumption up to that date. Total reset. You're counter is actually a zero right now. :)

      (ROFL at the instructions on that pie, btw. There's some comedian that does a bit on dumb instructions like that... something about poptarts that was hilarious. You should write a hub on that. You could make me blow beer out of my nose.)

      Adam; PRECISELY! You can't mess around with a beer and let it get warm. Handwarmed beer is pretty gross. Only thing grosser is beer you were holding in your lap while driving or something. Thigh-warmed beer is really gross. Unless a chick was holding it, obviously. But I was talking about myself. Not that I would drink and drive, obviously, but as a passenger, that's my point.

      :)

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      Adam B 8 years ago

      I use the blue mountain label to my advantage because if you are the type of person who sips your beer and takes forever, that mountain range is going to turn white before you finish...leaving your beer slighly room temperature for the last few sips. I must consume the entire bottle before that label has a chance to change colors drinking it at it optimum tasteyness.

      Even your hand warmth can make that label change so you have to shotgun them bitches and finish before blue turns white.

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      pgrundy 8 years ago

      LOL! I kinda thought the same thing the first time I saw that commercial, but since I've already drunk my personal allotment of beers in this lifetime (and several other people's too), I let it go. I must admit though, that during my hey day, the relative coldness of any alcoholic beverage was only relevant up to about #4, after which, wet was good enough, and after that, huh? What?

      So they might have thinking of me. (It's always ALL about me!)

      The dumbest thing I ever saw was a warning on a frozen pie. The instructions for cooking it were on the back of the box, which in order to see you had to turn the pie upside down, and at the bottom of the destructions was the disclaimer, "Do not turn pie upside while still in box."

      OK. So now you know why this happens. Some of us need this kind of help Shades.