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Daily Weird #21 Don't eat the toxic waste

Updated on April 22, 2011
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Toxic Waste is Yummy! Toxic Waste may also be hazardous to your health.

I’d never heard of Toxic Waste until today. Well, OK, I've heard of toxic waste, but not Toxic Waste. Toxic Waste is a company that makes a line of candy for the person who likes to live dangerously. That’s understandable. Who wouldn’t want to live on the edge and eat Toxic Waste?

Me! That’s who. I wouldn’t. Especially since there seems to be a small “problem” with the candy bars. They’re actually toxic.

There was a recall recently on several of the candy bars made by Toxic Waste. The lead levels were twice what they should be. I guess a small amount of lead in a candy bar is acceptable; two times a small amount is not.

My question is how do you get lead into a candy bar to begin with? Do you beat the bar with a lead pipe? Do you slather it with paint from the 60’s? Do you roll it out into large squares with humongous #2 pencils?

I’ve heard sometimes bugs get into candy bars, I suspect even body parts may find their way in from time to time as well… but lead?

These bars are imported from Pakistan. This makes it all the more confusing as I believe that the middle eastern countries, as well as Mexico and parts the Ukraine are known for having some of the highest standards of food testing in the universe.

I think it’s important to point out that the Toxic Waste Company supports a greener planet. I don’t think they understand that this doesn’t mean turning people green. It’s difficult to find a decent translator these days. It’s nice to know they wanted to hop onto the “green” movement though unfortunately they took this to mean helping people to have “green movements” which I believe their candy does quite nicely.

All things considered, Toxic Waste Candy Company has tried. They’ve tried to support a greener planet, they’ve given people greater access to green poop (you had to know I would find a way to throw the "p" word in here), and they’ve tried to be honest when advertising their candies as “dangerous”.

At the end of the day, really, what else can you ask for?

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    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      Stan- Thank you, Stan! I'm flattened by the compliment, or is that flattered?

      Ironically, I'm not bright enough to have tried for irony, it just happened.. or is that ironic?

      Thanks for stopping by.. I'm actually on my way over to catch up with Harry Manboobs, who, oddly enough, has a toxic waist.

    • Stan Fletcher profile image

      Stan Fletcher 

      7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Irony is one of my favorite humor devices, and you come up with it in spades. Loved this!

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      Gus- Thank you so much! I love having winners! :O)

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      Drbj- haha, Thank you, you just help me lose another 8th of an inch of Toxic Waist!

      If what you have is in(s)anity.. I would like to know where I could buy some please!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      7 years ago from south Florida

      I don't know, sue, about superior knowledge. It could be superior inanity. Spelled with an 's' in the middle, of course. :)

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      Chris- at first I thought you were recommending touching the waste, then just when I'd gotten back up off of the floor from laughing so hard, you hit me with Jim Jones!

      I'm losing some "Toxic Waste" this morning by falling on the floor and laughing! 20 Minutes reading things you write a day should take care of this weight problem in no time!

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      Drbj- Maybe by eating Toxic Waste, you could eventually LOSE Toxic Waist? What do you think... if you eat enough lead, you become very sick, you lose your appetite?

      OK, your idea of exercising it off may be the best.

      Once again, I humbly bow to your superior knowledge. :)

    • GusTheRedneck profile image

      Gustave Kilthau 

      7 years ago from USA

      Hi sueroy - Another winner here.

      Gus :-)))

    • ChrisLincoln profile image

      ChrisLincoln 

      7 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

      Sue,

      Funny, but...

      They earn an A for truth in advertising, and across the board F's for everything else.

      Anyone know if green poo is glow in the dark? I'm sure a touch of nuclear waste could fix that right up.

      Just hand me a spoonful of Cool Whip, anything with the name "cool" in it must be OK. (well except that whole Jim Jones episode ...

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      7 years ago from south Florida

      Nah, "Toxic Waste" is not a great name for a candy bar, sue. But "Toxic Waist" could be a great name for a book on exercising to lose toxic belly fat.

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      Terri- Wow! Thank you so much, I don't believe I've ever gotten applause before! I'm honored. :)

    • Terri Meredith profile image

      Terri Meredith 

      7 years ago from Pennsylvania

      clap, clap, clap....that's applause, do you hear it?

      Well done.

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      Mentalist-Thanks for stopping by! That was nice of them, wasn't it!! :)

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      Pop- Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I'm honored! You are, as always, correct. It's scary to think about what we're ingesting every day!

    • Mentalist acer profile image

      Mentalist acer 

      7 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

      It seems Toxic Waste comes with its own warning in the label,lol.;)

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 

      7 years ago

      The problem is that China adores putting toxic waste in everything from milk to yellow duckies. We probably eat tons of waste because we don't manufacture anything anymore.

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