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Daily Weird #27 Bears and their Beer
Alcoholism is not confined to humans. Bears are getting in on the act. In Baker Lake, Washington, a bear tiptoed into a campsite where there was no alcohol. He then stomped to a different campsite where there was plenty of alcohol and sadly, no one to drink it.
The campers had packed a cooler of Busch beer and a cooler of Rainier Beer. Proving that Busch beer really is the worst beer in the entire universe, the bear drank one can of Busch, tossed it aside, and dove into the Rainier.
36 cans later; the bear fell down in a happy stupor, and went to sleep.
Were this an isolated incident, one might think it was just the case of a picky, alcoholic bear. Not so. It seems bears all across the country are waking up and realizing that, with the exception of Anheuser Busch, beer is good.
In Dunbar, West Virginia Larry and his brother, Billy Bob, were camping at Lake Summit, when a bear walked boldly into their camp, grabbed the cooler, smashed it open on the tree, ate their food and drank three of their Coors Light. It seems bears aren’t real fond of anything that seems “deity”.
Last, but certainly not least, is the story told by a guy on Reddit. Apparently a bear on a mission checked out four cars before settling on his Jetta. The bear opened his car door (quite a feat without opposable thumbs), and slid into the passenger seat. The wind was high that day, slamming the door shut on the criminal-minded bear. Knowing he was caught, since he had yet to figure out how to open the door from the inside, the bear settled down for a long evening of debauchery.
First our naughty bear drank some beer. Then he ate some Maalox. Then, being a mammal with an intestinal tract that races when beer goes through it, he took a dump. That’s right. He emptied his intestines on the front seat of the Jetta. He may have just been making a statement; we haven’t been able to question the bear as of yet.
Hopefully, these incidences will lead investigators to the ringleader of the beer drinking bear gang. As you can see, they are populating many areas of the United States. We’re not sure as of yet if this is because the beer is better in the states, or- and we feel this is more likely-it's because the bears have yet to obtain licenses to pilot boats across the Atlantic. Chatter on the wire says they’re getting close. There have been four cases of bears attempting to get their boat licenses in Florida. Lawmakers are working to clamp down on this gang as of tomorrow.
In the meantime, keep your beer in your fridge, or, if you must take it with you, make sure to bring Anheuser Busch.
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