Daily Weird #28 What's up Chicken Butt?

In an unexpected move, the women of Britain are suddenly clamoring for a big bum. They have, apparently, grown tired of dieting and have decided to start their own trend.. they call it "bigger is better".

In order to achieve this epitome of fashion, the British women are knocking back glasses of water; water used to wash chicken hormones down their wring-ably skinny necks.

Apparently, some big-ass rich person (most likely a woman, but possibly a mutant chicken) discovered that the same hormone used to make chickens all-over fat, would give women bigger booties and thighs. In a move to look better by comparison, she began what is known, in the scientific communities, as a “fad”.

The rich lady (chicken?) with an extensive derriere wasn’t an original thinker. She had recently returned from Jamaica where the trend actually began. In Jamaica many little-bottomed Jamaican women were enticed to take the butt building supplements by a friend of big-ass rich lady known as big-ass rich chemical making lady.

Most people are not above taking someone else’s idea if it’s good enough. This one is. Can you imagine the boost in self-esteem the naturally well-endowed-on-the-low-end women will gain? They can lay claim to it all being “real”. Butts enhanced with hormones most likely jiggle differently. I suspect only certain talented men can tell the real thing from a fake, but the women know, and that’s all that really matters.

The pills were banned in Jamaica, but are still sold illegally, if you happen to be in Jamaica and can’t restrain your need for a bigger rear end.

In Britain, they’ve worked a way around this “illegal” issue. They have formulated pills from nature. The manufacturers claim these supplements are made from exotic plant extracts. Their pills have fancy-dancy names like “Star Curves”, “Big Beautiful Butt Formula”, and “Brand New Booty”.

What I would like to know is why people are taking these pills, when they can, for much less money, just supersize it at McDonalds? I find it interesting that women in America are obsessed with making our fannies smaller and firmer, while across the ocean they appear to have decided it would be easier if everyone were clamoring for a big fat booty.

I will never understand fads. I think I will enjoy, however, sitting back and watching this particular trend unfold. I wonder what the side effects will be from taking “make the chicken fat” pills? I don’t mean the “oh, lookie I have a huge bum now” side effect, rather the side effects that aren’t showing up right now, but very well might in the future.

There are the obvious ones like liver damage and breast cancer, but warnings regarding organ's dying and killer cells have done nothing to slow down the rampage of women grabbing butt-fattening agents from off of the shelves. Perhaps though, one might consider the following…

What if one day we find Catherine Zeta-Jones pecking for food in her front yard, or Margaret Thatcher trying to hatch an egg? Even worse, imagine how little use will you have for that big, fat, bootie if you die… from trying to cook yourself for dinner?

If you’re seriously considering this, perhaps one other fact may help dissuade you… a year’s supply of “fat-butt” pills will cost you around $800.00. They’re on EBay and Amazon.. Go check it out; I’m completely not lying. A Big Mac and fries twice a week should produce the same results for half the money, or, better yet, order the fried chicken sandwich at Burger King. There's no pill in the world that can replace the satisfaction of knowing you worked for that big bootie! You earned it fair and square, no short cuts, no side effects... well, other than heart disease, high blood pressure, and bad knees.

Maybe, and I say this as an opinion and nothing more, just maybe, this isn't such a great idea!