Dear Google Algorithm | A Letter
You don’t know me, but my name is Julie. Actually, come to think of it, you probably know more about me than I do. Here I am, writing a letter to the most powerful "person computer company algorithm" in the world.
Oh I know Google is run by people, it is on millions of computers, and technically it is a company, but I want to speak to Mr. Algorithm. You see, you are the most popular non-human person I can think of. Everybody I know that works on the Internet would like to meet you. Well, not just meet you, but interview you. Do you have a name?
I’ve heard you likened to a panda and a penguin- what exactly are the similarities between these two animals? Last I checked, one lived in the jungle and one in the Artic. Is it because they are both black and white? Help me understand please.
My brother runs a video game company and they named their algorithm Cornelius. I think you need a nice name like that. I was thinking something like Capricious. Do you know what that means? Of course you do, you and Dictionary.com are in bed together. If I just knew your nickname, I could personalize an invitation for you, invite you to dinner, and pick your brain for answers to how you work.
Because quite frankly, for being all non-human and all, you seem rather, hmm, how do I say it? Biased? Unpredictable? Random? Moody? I feel like I can be honest with you Mr. (are you a guy?) Capricious Google Algorithm because after all, you don’t have emotions, I think.
I don't mean to be rude, but how is it that someone/something that is so sought after- can be so hated at the same time? Everyone wants to understand you, but no one seems to like you. That is hard to accomplish, so hat's off to you my soon-to-be friend.
I wish I knew what it takes to be in your top ten friend list. Those ten people must be pretty special to you. It’s like Jesus and his twelve apostles. Wikipedia, Dictionary, About, YouTube, Facebook, GOV, and others seem to be your closest allies.
Do you know that I even used you to try and figure out YOU?
All I really learned is that you have some pet spider you use to do all your bidding. Is he black and white too? He must be a very special pet- hardworking too. Your spider doesn’t like copycats right? I learned that too. I’m not a copycat you know.
Anyway, if your spider happens to find my letter, please let me know a proper address and name to which I can send an invitation for you to come to dinner.