The One Thing I Would Do Over Again and Why....

I am currently reading a book called "Do-Over!" by Robin Hemley. In the book, Robin made a list of 5 things from his childhood that he wants to "do over" and does just that. (Well, as close as he can.) For example, he had a crazy ass kindergarten teacher who was later committed to an insane asylum so one of the things he does is spends a week in Kindergarten. Anyhow, the book is a little slow, but mildly entertaining, and it got me thinking about the whole concept of a "do over". If you could do something over, what would it be, and more importantly...would you? I imagine all of us have things that instantly pop to mind, first marriages, etc. But really think about it. Even though you undoubtedly made some stupid mistakes, wouldn't you agree that you probably learned from them? My first marriage was a massive mistake but I really wouldn't do it over because I learned a lot about marriage, and about myself, and I think it's made me a better wife because of it.

So while I definitely could fill a book with mistakes, there are very few I would do over, and as Robin said, some moments (like your first kiss) are simply "Un do overable." One thing comes to mind for me, though. Some of you have heard this story, others probably not.

The Incident

When I was a child, I loathed nap time. I mean, seriously loathed it. I would rather eat brussel sprouts than take a nap, although my weird ass sister liked brussel sprouts. Yes, I digress. Kinda the point of ranting.

Anyhoo, I hated naps, I remember my mom telling me, "when you are grown up you will wish you could get a nap every day." I thought she was batshit crazy. Like most things in life, she was right. Given my displeasure for naps, it's not really suprising that nap time was when my sister and I usually got in trouble. This was when we discovered there was no Santa, (oh shit hope I didn't ruin that for ya), and I'm pretty sure it's when I wrote all over my toy kitchen.

One day, my sister and I were supposed to be taking naps. But we weren't. And of course we figured we could play all we wanted and as long as we were quiet mom would never know. (We didn't yet know about those supernatural powers.) For some stupid reason, (or maybe because we were imaginitive and creative), we made up a new game that involved hiding a piece of glass that had broken off a table lamp. Well the piece was small and it was becoming a problem to hide it in the room. So one of us came up with the bright idea that we had to hide it somewhere on our person. (By the way, I think we were 4 and 5 at the time).

So I go in to the closet to count, while my sister hides it. I don't remember where she hid it, but it was lame. I found it in like 5 seconds. I remember thinking, "ok that was lame, I can do better than that". So my sister goes in to the closet to count, and it's now my turn to hide it. I hide it in the Best Place Ever. Mandi comes out of the closet, takes one look at me and kind of does this eye roll "you're a fucking idiot" look. Those of you who know Mandi know the look. And yes she had it perfected at the age of four.

While giving me the look, Mandi says, "Your nose is bleeding."

"No it's not"

"yes it is"

"I don't feel anything"

"Look in the mirror dummy it is too."

So I look in the mirror. And guess what, my nose is bleeding. Only it's not bleeding. It's hemorraghing. It's gushing. (okay maybe not THAT bad but I was 5, give me a break). My nose did not hurt at all, however the sight of my nose HEMORRAGHING was frightening, so I did what any 5 year old would do. I screamed my ever loving head off.

Yes, folks, I hid the piece of glass in my nose. It was ingenious. If it hadn't been for the damn bleeding, she never would have found it.

So my mom throws open the door to the bedroom to see why the hell I am screaming bloody murder because, dammit, I am supposed to be taking a nap and don't I know that Days of Our Lives is at a crucial moment? She busts into the room like a raging bull and starts yelling, "what the hell are you doing, you are supposed to be taking a .....OH MY GOD YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING!" Thank you captain obvious, why do you think I am screaming?

I am not sure who told her what happened. The memory gets blurry here. Things started moving rapidly. The next thing I know, my mom has me in a choke hold between her knees in the bathroom and is shoving tweezers up my nose. She is trying to get the glass out, obviously, but instead, she shoves it further in my nose. I don't remember what my sister was doing at the time, freaking out or laughing I am not sure?

Well, my mom finally decides that her attempts at retrieval are futile, so she takes me to the ER. I do not remember the car ride. I don't remember the waiting room. I actually remember very little about the extraction. Except for this. Whatever midieval instrument of torture that they used on my nose was the size of a fricking sword. I kid you not. My mom had succeeded in shoving the glass up into my sinus and they go in after it with a 14 foot pole. And I remember not really getting any sympathy when dad got home. I got my ass chewed. (And now that I know the cost of an ER visit I understand completely pops).

Now you all know why I have a big nose. And where my niece Brooklin got her propensity for sticking things in her schnauze.

So while most of my mistakes were life lessons that strengthened my character and taught me many things, if given the chance, I would do over this one thing. And I would have taken a frickin nap.