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Douchebag of the Week: Jay Mariotti

Updated on August 27, 2010
Jay Mariotti is the douchebag with the beer.
Jay Mariotti is the douchebag with the beer.

I am proud to begin my new weekly segment, Douchebag of the Week, with Jay Mariotti. ESPN's daily show, Around the Horn, is arguably one of my favorites on television, it's true, check out my Hubpages profile! Yet there are two self righteous, sanctimonious, holier than thou gentlemen on the show that have you yelling every time they open their self important mouths, Bill Plaschke and Jay Mariotti. Mr. Mariotti learned this week, or if he hasn't yet, he will very shortly, that the judgement he so easily passed on others is about to come back and bite him in the ass. It just goes to show that karma is, and always will be, a real bitch.

Jay Mariotti is an AOLs sports columnist and frequent guest on Around The Horn. Since I never cared for the dude I've never read his columns, so I cant comment on them and I'll stick with what I know, ATH. Around the Horn, for those of you that haven't seen it, is a show of competitive banter. Four journalists from around the country debate the sports stories of the day ranging from steroids to bad referee calls to athletes say the damndest things. They are subsequently given points by the moderator, Tony Reali, and at the end, should they win, are allowed thirty seconds of time to preach about an issue important to them. Jay Mariotti is one of the primary players whos air of superiority is so thick that it creeps through your entertainment speakers and makes you gag and occasionally throw up in your mouth. Whenever an athlete is in trouble for alleged drug use, criminal misconduct or domestic violence Jay Mariotti calls for their heads and careers without so much as blinking. Jay Mariotti stands upon his pulpit condemning them, crying for suspensions and Hall of Fame consideration removal.

Jay's immense lack of popularity isn't just among the sports everyday men, such as myself, but has covered, like a warm blanket, the professional sports and journalistic communities and most of Chicago as well. Jay was a columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times who's lack of support for local teams and non-constructive criticism for the White Sox ignited a war of words between manager Ozzie Guillen and Mariotti. Colorful metaphors, derogatory sexual terms and intelligence questions were lobbed back and forth from then on. Jay also endured himself to his Sun-Times co-workers when he covered the Beijing Olympics, on their dime, then promptly resigned and went on a local Chicago television station slamming the newspaper industry claiming "newspapers are dead". This comment caused world renowned movie critic, Roger Ebert, to write a review of Jay called Jay the Rat.

This past week the universe corrected itself with Jay Mariottis arrest for felony domestic assault. Jay was seen arguing with his girlfriend at a Santa Monica bar which escalated at their apartment allegedly leaving her cut and bruised. I know, right! Jay had a fricken girlfriend, who knew? With all the condemnation that Jay has spewed towards the professional sports industry in regards to domestic violence the tables are turned. Athletes and journalists alike are calling for Mariotti's head and it appears they might get it. AOL has suspended Mariotti indefinitely and the odds of Jay appearing on ESPN, with their checkered journalists pasts, are slim to none. Chad Ochocinco put it nicely in a tweet to Terrell Owens '@terrellowens Holy jail time Batman, another ESPN analyst has been arrested, Jay Mariotti, lets see if they crucify their own like they do us' Yes Chad, yes they will. Congratulations Jay Mariotti! You are the first douchebag of the week. well done sir, you've earned it!

Tune in next Friday to find out who the newly crowned douchebag of the week will be. In the meantime read the 10 Commandments to Avoid Being a Douchebag.


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