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Fairyland Upside Down & Sideways

Updated on May 10, 2009

Read Me a Story Again and Again and Again...

How many of you remember Rocky and Bullwinkle's segment of Fractured Fairy Tales? Or maybe the Sesame Street Gang managing to mangle something like The Three Little Pigs? As a child, these stories would have my brother and I in fits of giggles.

Now that I have children of my own, I have finally figured out how these twisted tales come into being. Sheer boredom. That's right - you can only read the same book or story so many times before the absurd fairy comes down and bonks you with her wand of silliness. The kids are smart, they can tell when I've been annointed and their sleepy eyes will open and they beg "Tell it YOUR way, Mommy!"

Now, truth to tell, my way is not usually fit for literary print. Usually because I can't remember it later! However, there are a few things I do remember and this is one of our favorites.


Soothing Lullabies... with a twist!

I soon discovered that trying to read to my children had a serious drawback. It puts ME to sleep. After a full day's work, the droning sound of my own voice would knock me out in two seconds flat. This allowed my children free rein to late evening TV. Not a good thing after a few phone calls from the teacher asking where so and so picked up "that word!"

So, singing became my second option. Lullabies are soothing without causing me to have a narcoleptic episode. Although, I am the first to admit, Lucille Ball on her worst day, sounds like a diva compared to me.

Unfortunately, between the pronunciation of the small ones and my own wacky sense of humor, they didn't stay soothing. A predilection toward Dr Demento and Weird Al by yours truly didn't help the situation either. We ended up with such hits as 99 Bottles of Ketchup on the Wall (ya know- take one down and squirt it around!) and On Top of Mostaciolli all Covered with Sneeze (I lost my poor meatball when somebody cheesed!) .

Classic Sesame Street

I am now down to my last preschooler after a hiatus of nearly 10 years. I thought maybe being older and wiser to the ways of children might possibly save me. Alas, the good Lord saved the best joke for the youngest.

Not only does this child enjoy the goofy, backwards, mucked up messes I can make out of stories and songs, she actively encourages me. Mary Had a Little Lamp, There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Guy, and a host of other oddities have come about because of her unique hearing. I can't wait until she's old enough to go through my library of wacky songs with me.

Behind all this cuteness - lies a twisted little sense of humor!
Behind all this cuteness - lies a twisted little sense of humor!

As parents, we all think our children are the cutest, brightest and cleverest little prodigies on the planet. I am no exception. I have learned a few thing along the way from them. Such as:

  • All houses have volcanoes on them in the winter
  • Cemetaries are where all the dinosaur bones get buried.
  • If it's too hot you're burning down
  • Shampoodissoner will clean your hair and your body.
  • Fwantits are large grey animals with trunks

And the ultimate all time favorite from 3am - "Mommy, I gots the pukin's!"

Of such goofy moments are made some of the best of a mother's memories. I save them religously as so many mothers do.

A child's view of the world is often wacky and surprisingly thought provoking and the absurd fairy has a tendency to wave the silly wand at the oddest moments. So take a moment a share yours in the comments below. We could all use a little bit of kid humor in our lives.


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    • Nanny J.O.A.T. profile image

      Nanny J.O.A.T. 9 years ago from Somewhere over the rainbow

      Yep! and getting mom out some of the chores like cat pans, garbage duty, dishes....

    • Enelle Lamb profile image

      Enelle Lamb 9 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      Wonderful hub...loved the humour...I admit to being a tad twisted myself ;)...passed it on to my kids...isn't that what they are for?

    • Nanny J.O.A.T. profile image

      Nanny J.O.A.T. 9 years ago from Somewhere over the rainbow

      Yep spoonerisms are a way of life around here. Tonite, we had some storms come through and we saw the neighbor out watching with us - he was our wellow featherman :) Cracked the kids and me up when I said it.

      PS She's darling when she's asleep -otherwise look out!

    • profile image

      2C's 9 years ago

      What a darling lil girl you have. I like the way you write and we are going to be good for each other I can tell. I write, or have written what is known as Spoonerisims, what the Archie Campbell thing is. I pulled the hubs all out of publication tho'. A forthcoming book developed out of them. LOL I was pretty good at telling sories to my youngin's too. Good hub thanks

    • Nanny J.O.A.T. profile image

      Nanny J.O.A.T. 9 years ago from Somewhere over the rainbow

      Naah you're not nuts! There have been several story attempts like that here too. But with my youngest she tells me "I NOT a princess!" "I'm an Emily!" Which leads into all sorts of interesting questions!

    • shibashake profile image

      shibashake 9 years ago

      Love the hub! Ok you are going to think I am absolutely nuts but I do the same crazy story telling thing with my dogs. Usually I adapt a fairy tale so that my dog gets to play the staring role as the Prince who is also a great ninja, I'm the fairy godmother, and my SO is the evil ogre. ... *sigh* I'll go take my medication now.


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