Funniest Pictures And Animation Clips

How much for a season pass?

The female dormitory will be out of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students.

Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.

Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Er... How much for a season pass?"

How did the human race appear?

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

~Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.~

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?

Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....” 

A hungry lion was chasing a scientist and a philosopher. The scientist made some quick calculations; he said, “It’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”. 

The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied, “I am not trying to outrun the lion, and I am trying to outrun you!”

Doctor: Your knees all blistered? lady: Coz of doggy style
Doctor: Can't you do it any other style? lady: Oh, I can, but the dog can't!!!