Guilty, Maybe. But Definitely Stupid

It used to be crooks had certain rules pertaining to their profession. Apparently, that’s not the case anymore according to the number of popular “dumb crook” stories. An urban dictionary defines stupid as someone who has to look the word up because they don't know what it means. It’s an apt description for some of the criminals in this article.

For instance, most modern day bank robbers are committed by young males who obviously are clueless about how to pull the job off. Despite the widespread use of surveillance cameras, most make no attempt to disguise their features or case the joint beforehand. And if by some miracle they make it out the door with loot in hand, they have no escape plan or idea of where to stash it until the heat is off.

So, without further ado, let’s meet some of these Einstein’s who no doubt are in the running for the “Darwin Awards.”

· During a police lineup where there had been an eyewitness each man was ordered to say, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot.” The guilty party was instantly recognized when he angrily hollered, "That's not what I said!"

· A man in CA, held up a bank having no money on hand since it had gone out of business. The poor fellow was also seen by his mother while making his getaway. She informed the authorities.

· This holdup man was definitely not a chemist. He applied mercury ointment to his face thinking somehow it would make it invisible to surveillance cameras. Actually, it did the opposite making his features much more identifiable.

· A bank robbery that has to be the most quickly solved in history is one that occurred in MA...he stole a bank employee’s car to make his getaway.

· Then there was the bank robber who signed his demand note on the back of a withdrawal slip with his signature and account number.

· A man making an armed robbery at a drug store pulled a plastic bag over his face and discovered he had failed to cut breathing and eyeholes in it.

· A man walked into a convenience store, slapped a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. The clerk, happy to oblige, opened the register at which point the man pulled a gun and demanded all the cash. The man scooped up the loot and fled…leaving his $20 on the counter. The robber’s take was only $15.

· A company called Guns for Hire that stages gunfights for Western movies received a call from a middle aged woman. She wanted to hire them to kill her husband.

· Rather than serve time in prison a robber arranged a deal with the court to pay almost $10,000 in damages. For payment, he wrote a forged check. He got 10 years.

· After robbing a bank, the perpetrator fled and hijacked the closest car to make good his escape. He failed to notice it was a police cruiser.

· Police spent two hours attempting to persuade a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home to come out. When it became obvious no one was going to come out they fired numerous tear gas canisters into the windows. They failed to have any effect. It wasn’t until later one of the officers recognized their suspect was standing next to him shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

But it’s not only crooks, there are also law abiding citizens running around that should have a mental checkup.

When a doctor answered his phone, on the other end was a man about to go into hysterics. His wife was about to give birth and her contractions were about two minutes apart. After calming the father to be down he asked if this was her first child. He answered, "No, I’m her husband.”