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Harper's Island ep 2

Updated on October 1, 2014

I'm Gonna Get Outta This Town

Harpers Island
Harpers Island | Source

One-By-One

Harpers Island
Harpers Island | Source

The Obvious Suspects Come Out To Play

The second episode of Harper's Island was a lot less of a horror movie knock-off and more of a soap opera with people randomly dropping dead. This episode started to set up some obvious suspects like Jimmy's friend, Shane. He conveniently shows up every time someone gets killed. Maybe Jimmy's brokenhearted whining drove him insane and now he wants to kill everyone around him. I could respect that. He also has a deep hatred for Abby, who broke his bestie's heart, so now he wants to ruin her BFF's wedding by murdering all the guests, perhaps? Alas, I'm not falling into that trap. I think he'll probably die soon just to throw us off the trail.

Another person the gullible audience is supposed to suspect is Henry's brother, JD. Of course, he happens to be the arch-nemesis of the other obvious suspect, Shane. JD killed a deer and smeared "Psycho" on his enemy's windshield, therefore he must be the murderer! I mean, seriously, who hasn't done that? Ahem. To me, that doesn't make him a suspect--that makes him a candidate to have his neck broken by a roundhouse kick. His little rendezvous with Kelly, (pre-hanging of course-this is primetime, not cable) is probably going to land him in jail at the hands of Abby's dad. If this happens, someone will die while he's in the clink (or maybe he'll be poisoned in there) and he'll be released. There are 11 weeks left, you never know!

The British bloke was drinking tea and got tricked by the mean-spirited American boys. Yeah, didn't see that one coming! Good news for Cal (whose name is Charlie in my head-I blame Lost), I think he'll last most of the season since he survived that trap this week. Besides, he can't die until he gives Blondie the ring (and then she'll be promptly killed off). Poor Charlie!

I was hoping that the scavenger hunt would lead to them finally discovering some bodies. The count is getting pretty high-when does the Island become engulfed in the smell of rotting flesh? Sorry, that was gross. Instead, the stupid game led to an insignificant (and unnamed) character, The Minister, getting his head chopped off. How many rando's are gonna get killed? There's a lot going on with people's necks. If the victims aren't decapitated, then they're strung up by the neck!

Speaking of hangings, why is there always a character that dreams of moving to LA to escape his/her horrible life in the small town (or island)? I'm glad Kelly ate it because she was getting on my nerves. Besides, she was on the verge of going all Single White Female on Abby, and I am not in the mood for those shenanigans! The scene where she creepily appeared behind Abby in the poorly-lit bathroom led to not one, but TWO cheap scares. Come on, no one was going to suspect her. Emo kids aren't killers, they're too busy crying in dark corners listening to whiny music to hurt anyone. She used to go out with Shane, which gives him motive to kill her. But I'm still not buying him as a suspect.

The Zack Morris dude, who is apparently the best man according to the website, tried to kiss Chloe. That was a lightweight attempt to set him up as a suspect briefly. Or at least it introduces him as a character they can kill. Kind of like all the characters who died in this episode. Next week looks like Zack might not be Saved by the Bell. That was a lame way of giving my prediction.

Then, of course, is deer head that just won't quit. At least they made it little different than The Godfather by making it a deer in the bathtub instead of a horse in the bed. Clever. I guess it's supposed to be more evidence that Shane's the murderer. Honestly, Henry has shot right to the top of my list of suspects. So what if that came to me in a dream? He has motive, opportunity, and all that other Law & Order stuff you need for a TV murder spree. We'll see if I'm psychic or just really need a life.

I could tell that the Paris Hilton poser (you know, that annoying girl with the little dog) wasn't going to survive very long. I'm glad they didn't kill her during the scavenger hunt, it's nice to draw it out a bit. Even though I didn't like her, I thought setting her on fire was a bit much. At least they broke that neck streak they had going. That sentence made me giggle.

Can I just mention that I'm really bored with Hunter Jennings (his name alone induces an uncontrollable eye-roll) and the bride's father, Thomas Wellington? They have total nerdbag names and their plotting is neither original nor intriguing. Sadly, I doubt they'll die soon so I'll just have to tolerate their drivel for a few weeks.

Uh-Oh...I'm In Trouble

Harper's Island
Harper's Island | Source

Suspects

Henry (the groom)

The Bride

The guy with the Seth Rogen glasses

Jimmy (Hot Fisherman)

People to Die

Shane

Zack Morris

Casualties

Cousin Ben

Uncle Marty

The Minister

Kelly

Paris Hilton Wannabe

Harper's Island: The Drinking Game (Only play if you're over 21!)

When any of these things occur drink the corresponding number of sips:

Cry: 1

Scream: 1

Weapon: 1

Drinking: 1

Cheap Scare: 1

Horror movie cliché: 2

Sex: 3

Someone dies: 5

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