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Harper's Island ep. 7

Updated on October 1, 2014

Brush My Hair, OR ELSE!

Creepy Kid on Harpers Island
Creepy Kid on Harpers Island | Source

The most disturbing part of this show, besides them ignoring the rotting bodies all around them, is that everyone is oblivious to the fact that Demon Child is absolutely nuts. She calmly asked if Daddy killed Grandpa without any emotion. Hello, sociopath! She's definitely not a murderer now, but give her 10 years.

Speaking of insanity, was I supposed to believe that the final living bridesmaid was hitting on Chops? I get that people are dropping dead around her, but he's not the last man on earth! Ok, that's rude. Obviously, she's just panicked because of the transportation crisis the island is apparently going through. They're all stuck there due to the limited amount of ferries-even though they all made it onto the island just fine. Since there's an actual emergency, of course they have to wait for a chartered boat to take them back to the mainland because the ferries have all mysteriously imploded. Oh, and all those boats at the dock are just figments of the imagination. Right.

It's a little suspicious that Henry offered to stay on the island to handle Tom's funeral arrangements. That ain't yo' daddy! It's just a matter of time before he and Seth Rogen take out the rest of the wedding party.

They are trying so hard to make JD a suspect by Henry mentioning that JD is supposed to be medicated, but he doesn't take his pills. Then he MUST be the killer! Also, it would be pretty easy for Henry to plant Uncle Marty's phone in JD's room. Later, it's revealed that he was a part of a suicide pact in high school, and the girl went through with it but he didn't. Snooze. Could they make him any more stereotypical? Next thing you know, they'll blame Marilyn Manson's music for all of these murders. I think JD is either going to die really soon or end up being the hero in the end. Maybe he'll sacrifice himself to save Abby, right after he reveals his lifelong crush on her.

I would really like to see the Bride and Abby team up and kill everyone else out of anger.

There was a lot of back-story revealed in this episode, which I can appreciate. We found out that half-faced man was a police dude back in the day. (By the way, there's nothing scary about him, unless you're prejudice. If he gives you the willies, then maybe you should take a nice, long look at yourself.) All of his revelations, i.e. the liar postcards, are to set Sheriff Dad up as a suspect. I'm not into that at all.

The flashbacks were hilarious. Apparently, all you need is a ponytail and you're instantly a teenager again! At least it filled in some of the gaps in Abby and Jimmy's relationship. However, I wish they would stop showing people hanging. It makes me uncomfortable. I actually got really sad when Jimmy ran to the end of the dock as her boat pulled away. What a sucker. It was cute that Jimmy didn't know he saved her from Wakefield. I need a life.

The Bride was being a little hasty calling off her marriage. Give it a day or two before you do anything crazy! I'm not saying have the wedding the day after (or in the same church where) your pops was chopped in half, but there's no reason to dump your possibly-murderous fiancée completely!

I'm kind of over Chops and the money storyline. He finally told the truth about Seth Rogen and Token got angry! Then, the dumbest thing ever happened; they left Chops in his room all alone for no reason. Of course he was going to run away, did they think he was just going to take a time-out to think about what he'd done then come down an apologize some more? So Chops ran downstairs to burn the money, only to be thrown into the furnace himself. Saw that one coming. Maybe if he would have tossed the entire bag in all at once instead of stack-by-stack, he would have lived. Probably not, but it would have been slightly less ridiculous. The sad thing is, I had him as my first pick to die, and it took him 7 episodes to finally eat it. Dammit, Chops! Now all of his friends are going to think he ran off with the money, thus leaving him as a suspect to them, just like Ginger. Annoying.

Someone trapped Demon child in a room in the very last scene. My dreams may be coming true!

Don't Turn Around

Abby and Henry Harpers Island
Abby and Henry Harpers Island | Source



Henry (the groom) and the guy with the Seth Rogen glasses TOGETHER

The Bride and Abby take on the world!

People to Die


Sheriff Dad


Cousin Ben

Uncle Marty

The Minister


Paris Hilton Wannabe

Hunter Jennings

Seth Rogen (or so they want us to think!)

Thomas Wellington

Ginger (AKA Richard)


The Game

Harper's Island: The Drinking Game (Only play if you're over 21!)

When any of these things occur drink the corresponding number of sips:

Cry: 1

Scream: 1

Weapon: 1

Drinking: 1

Cheap Scare: 1

Mysterious Notes: 1

Underwear: 1

Horror movie cliché: 2

Sex: 3

Someone dies: 5


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