Hilarious Videos, Jokes and Classified Ads to Keep You on the Light Side of Life

Laughter is contagious. Ever found that you start laughing just because others laugh?

Laughter researcher, Robert R.Provine, said: "Laughter is a mechanism everyone has; laughter is part of the universal human vocabulary. There are thousands of languages, hundreds of thousands of dialects, but everyone speaks laughter in pretty much the same way.” Everyone can laugh. Babies have the ability to laugh before they ever speak. Children who are born blind and deaf still retain the ability to laugh.

Laughter gives you a natural high. It lights up the reward center of your brain and releases feel-good chemicals, including dopamine and endorphins.

And do you know that laughter can raise your heart rate 10% to 20%? If you can manage to laugh for 15 minutes every day, you could laugh off 4 pounds in a year.

The following are from my personal collection:

Men Jokes

• A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the
  happiest woman in the world...'
  The woman replies, 'I'll miss you......
• Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
  A: It helps them remember which end to wipe.
• Men are like Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
• It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower.. 'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
• While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world...then He made the earth round.

• Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.

• A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.

"I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."
So he opens his shirt revealing some curly silver hair.

She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office.

She says, "You should have dropped your pants... You might have
gotten disability too."

Hilarious Classified Ads

• FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites
• FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog
• FREE PUPPIES... Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog
• GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 Lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free
• FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat, been out awhile.. Better be a reward.
• COWS, CALVES, NEVER BRED... Also 1 gay bull for sale
• NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby
• GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb.
• NICE PARACHUTE: Never opened used once
• JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300
• FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

• An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.
• At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

The Wife

• A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. And do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.

If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

• Men who seek to be equal with men lack ambition ~ Timothy Leary
• Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking ~ Bill Vaughan
• Women are like telephones they like to be held and talked to but if you push the wrong buttons you could be disconnected.

Laughter Really is the Best Medicine. Here are a few facts on why laughter is good for the mind, body and even the soul.

• Laughter really does burn calories - 10 to 15 minutes of hearty laughter can burn 50 calories.
• Humor may raise the level of infection-fighting antibodies.
• Laughter, along with an active sense of humor, may help protect you against a heart attack.
• Laughter immediately reduces stress and worry.
• The only reason to take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
• "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." - Henny Youngman

And here is one of my favorites:

• 3 Doctors are at a Convention talking Shop. The first Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Artists, they are so colorful: red Hearts, pink Stomachs, green Spleens."

The next Doctor says: "Me, I love doing surgery on Accountants, open them up and all their Parts are numbered, makes it very easy.”

The third Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Lawyers, they have no Heart, they have no Guts and the Head and the Ass are interchangeable!"

• Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'

The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad."

• Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says,"My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

Learning to find humor in the little things that go on around you is going to add years to your life. If you look hard enough and long enough, you can always find something to laugh about. And if you can't manage a good old giggle, then even a smile will help you to have a better day. I laugh at myself almost every day. It's either laugh or cry and I prefer to laugh.

Learning to live on the "light side" is a choice. If you are looking at the glass as "half empty", only you have the power to see that same glass as "half full".