“Hellboy” (2019): The Killer of a Franchise

This was straight up a fucking disaster. The trailers weren’t too appealing to begin with but it didn’t set me up for this atrocity. Holy hell this was one of the most convoluted messes of a film I’ve seen in a long time. In the beginning it really shows its ugly head with terrible narration and a pretty terrible CGI with some terrible acting.

Story: evil witch wants to kill people. Hellboy needs to stop her with some other people the audience doesn't care about. Convoluted stuff. The end.

The film doesn’t let up from the beginning where the audience is just thrown into situations with no backstory or setup besides some blatantly awful exposition. I mean so on the noise that I’m not sure why they just didn’t narrate the damn thing. The whole thing can be summed up in one word “cheap”. The whole film feels like a sci fi film with Uwe Boll directing it and it is really disappointing. Most disappointing film of the year so far because the rated R rating could have made it more badass and dark but actually just ended up making it look and feel more corny.

Overall, this film is beyond worthless. It’s a pathetic attempt at telling something new. In ways, it was like watching a trainwreck with a trainful of precious cargo. It had the actors, the source material, and even great character designs and it’s all wasted on a script made by a twelve year old that thinks profanity is funny with some recycled jokes and some annoyingly awful comic relief. This film is the worst of Hollywood. Throwaway script with the Hellboy on the front to sell you and trick people into thinking it will be good. It was a mess from start to finish. A padded 2 hour script that loved telling exposition and pretended it was story/world building.

This film is so bad I wouldn’t even redbox the damn thing to see it again. It’s the wallmart of movies and it’s a film where everyone involved in writing and directing the film probably shouldn’t get work again. There are scenes in the film where you’re halfway into the action or talking scene and you’re going to have to jump threw hoops in your mind on how and/or why we’re here. This film was missing something important, Guillermo Del Toro...or any competent director actually. Lastly, waste your money if you want. Even like if you want, but I might not ever take your opinion seriously if you think this was the correct version of Hellboy. It is abysmal and an abomination to filmmaking and especially the Hellboy franchise.

1.5/10 (only for the character designs)
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