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Updated on September 23, 2015

Breast Milk:

A Japanese exchange student sat in a science classroom, totally stumped at a question on the final exam.
The question asked: "Give four advantages of breast milk."
What to write? He sighed, thinking he could not use personal experience. Suddenly, he smiled, remembering some things he has overheard his mother say.
He wrote:
1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.
He still needed a fourth answer. He tried to put himself in the place of a child, but that didn't work. Suddenly, he smiled again.
He wrote as the final answer:
4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.
He sat back, considering how proud his friends would be for their genius friend who lived overseas.

Breast Feeding

Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind. ~Mike Harding

A newborn baby has only three demands. They are warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence. Breastfeeding satisfies all three. ~Grantly Dick-Read

George Simmons in Sayonara Davey

Supermarket Checkout

A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price.

She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize."

But if that wasn't bad enough, the person looking for the price misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks."

In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"

I'm just a natural flirt, but I don't see it in a $exual way. A lot of the time I'm like an overexcited puppy. ~Kylie Minogue

Dad at Comedy Barn

I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them. ~Anna Held

I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc."

The Basic Instinct of the Person [13+]

Tricked Umbrella Wets Clients Prank

~ Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. ~ Hedy Lamarr

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee when one of the Catholic men tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh - My - God."

Hidden camera - Underarm Cream

Computer Nerd:

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.
The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a nice bike?"
The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"
The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your a$$ in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair.



Vaseline Survey

A man doing market research for Vaseline contacted a young mother of three and asked ' Have you ever used our product?'

She says, 'Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.'

'And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?'

'We use it for $ex.'

The researcher was a little surprised; 'Usually people lie say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, we know that most people do use it for $ex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for $ex?'

The woman says, 'I don't mind telling you at all... We put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out.'


Submit a Comment

  • Mr Nice profile image

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America

    Very soon keep following my hubs.

  • profile image

    daytripeer 8 years ago

    We want more, we want more, we ----------

  • Mr Nice profile image

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America

    Welcome Cheeky girl,

    All of them are funny in a different way but I myself like the "The Basic Instinct of the Person", when I first watched I can't stop laughing.

  • Cheeky Girl profile image

    Cassandra Mantis 8 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

    This is so funny! The guy with the baby! Hahahaha!

  • Mr Nice profile image

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America

    Hi dnrkrishnan25; Thanks for the visit and for your comments.

  • profile image

    dnrkrishnan25 8 years ago

    super funny ha...ha...ha

  • Mr Nice profile image

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America

    Hi Lgali; Thanks for liking the hub and for the comments. I am really busy and not actively involved in hubpages anymore.

  • Lgali profile image

    Lgali 8 years ago

    mr nice very funny LOL thnaks Longtime u did not vist my hub How are u?

  • Mr Nice profile image

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America

    Hi mrgonzalesleo; Thanks for the nice comment.

  • mrgonzalesleo profile image

    mrgonzalesleo 8 years ago

    funny indeed!

  • Mr Nice profile image

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America

    Hi KCC Big Country; I am glad you enjoyed the videos. Thanks for the visit and for comment.

  • Mr Nice profile image

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America

    Hi Am I dead, yet?; Thanks for the visit and for liking the videos. I watched the last one few times, it's really funny.

  • KCC Big Country profile image

    Karen Curtis 8 years ago from Central Texas

    LOL......lots of funny stuff! Thanks for sharing!

  • profile image

    Am I dead, yet? 8 years ago

    xD ROFL! I did enjoy these very much. The last one here below the comments was big time FUNNY! I needed that!

  • Mr Nice profile image

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America

    Hi Tatjana; I am happy too because I made you laugh, enjoy rest of your day.

  • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

    Tatjana-Mihaela 8 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

    ha, ha, ha, ha....

    Thks for making me laugh...