ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How To Deal With Embarrassment.

Updated on September 25, 2012

Because we all need to know...

Everyone gets embarrassed. Whether you're a hobo who woke up without pants, or a celeb that forgot to wear underwear. At some point, something will happen to you that will make you the center of attention in a negative way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tdtNISDZwA
Maybe you just got rejected in front of your entire class, maybe you ran out of gas on the side of the road, perhaps your undefeated football team just lost to the New York Giants. Whatever it may be. Embarrassment sucks.
Hi, I'm Ryan Smith, and believe it or not, I too once felt embarrassed.
I know what you're thinking,
but Ryan, you're so swell and keen, how could this be?
Well, I could tell you..
But then I'd have to kill you.. Or just be embarrassed all over again.
In this book, I will teach you the only way to cure embarrassment. If you follow these steps, Your embarrassment will disappear just like your childhood hopes and dreams.

Step one. Mourn
Lets face it, whatever you did, it sucked. Sally was into you, and you just tripped and fell into your lunch in front of the whole cafeteria. Do you really think she wants to be with the guy with the mashed potato Mona Lisa all over his Chiodos shirt? Probably not. Take the time, four seconds at the most, to mourn your failure as a suave human being. Accept that time travel is impossible and you can't take back what you did (Unless you have a flux capacitor, in which case I may know a guy...). Move on.

Step two. Laugh at yourself.
Nobody likes the guy who collapses in self pity and cries. We were all perfectly happy mocking you and selfishly bombarding your self-esteem until you manipulated us with your tears of insecurity. Suck it up. In fact, act as if it is more entertaining to you than anyone else. Laugh loudly and gesture at your error. Congratulations, you are the center of attention. There is hope for Sally yet. Don't laugh too long, or people will think you are insane, or worse, emotionally secure. Be careful that your laughter doesn't slowly fade into tears, because then you will have revealed your pain and violated the first rule of this book. Do not talk about Ry-book. The Second rule? I can't tell you, because it would be breaking the first rule.

Step three. Immediately become invisible.
Unless you are Batman, this may prove to be difficult. But if people can't see you, they probably won't think about you, and studies show that 1/2 of 0% of Americans that were raised in my house won't laugh at you (This study is legit, I conducted it myself.) After you have laughed off your misery, the attention of the room will eventually abandon you. Either to the Television or how low the cut on Sally's shirt is... She's kindof a bimbo, she's flirting with that fathead of Justin Bieber. Or is it Tom Brady? If it is a physical embarrassment, attempt to mend it. If you got rejected, claim that a friend dared you to do it, make sure that friend is not nearby and is unavailable by text message. Don't talk to people, just spend a week in your uncles beachhouse sippin margaritas and flirting with the maid. It's okay that she doesn't speak english.

Step four. The final step
After you have attained ninja level invisibility, attempt to become social again. Tag your friends in a photo on Facebook, and then delete the photo. When they post on your wall asking what they were tagged in, claim you never tagged them and begin a conversation. Social networking is a great way to return to normalcy. You can stalk them and coincidentally have tickets to see Taio Cruz, or perhaps crash her wedding, because you know Bill was with Jen behind Sally's back. Here's the tough part.
Eventually, whether it's that day, or your classmate turned co-worker, over the course of... (11th, 12th, Freshman), Four years, your terrible embarrassment will rear its ugly head and bite you like a PMS'ing Black Mamba.
and for this there is only one solution.
Hmm? Whats that? Defend yourself? Laugh it off? What! Are you crazy?!
Obviously! You dye your hair a drastic color, start speaking a in a different accent, wear platform boots and change your name to Pierre. Then you pack your Xbox and copy of Assasins Creed:Brotherhood and run away. You hitchhike a ride to Arizona, when you shave your head, buy flip-flops, and grow a mustache. You go under the name of Lebron and start life over. You marry your landlady so she'll stop asking for rent, get a job at the local movie theatre and pretend the first 18-40 years of your life were erased by Amnesia. You name your daughter Sally and live the rest of your days, free of the burden of that awful embarrassment.

About The Author:
Ryan Smith lives in the back of his Blazer and struggles to make ends meet as a preacher in Winchestertonfieldville, Iowa. He just lost the rights to this book in his 6th divorce. He has two children, Jon and Roy, neither of which he has seen since he claimed he was the "White Michael" and went on tour with Tojo. His life before 2004 is under federal investigation.

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)