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How to Improve your life in 2009!

Updated on June 10, 2011

Some Funny New years Resolutions

Actually how not to improve your life in 2009


Isn’t it funny how every year of our lives we look forward to the New Year.We think ahead. We plan ahead and make a bunch of resolutions which we have not the slightest intention to carry out. Well, we have every intention to, but somehow, never get around to it.

We plan to “go out” to see the New Year in. Party till we drop. Drink and eat too much. Behave like total idiots and kiss and hug everyone wishing everyone “Happy New Year” insincerely. We look back at the “old year” saying “well it couldn’t be worse” next year must be better. We cry at the loss of the old year or is it a cry of joy looking forward to the new year

We spend most of January 1 recovering from our excesses with a head ache, hangover or whatever, talking to the great white telephone, swearing that “I’ll never do that again!”. But our memories are short and next New Year what do we do? Well of course we repeat the same old scenario again. We never learn do we?

And as for those insincere (or at least temporarily sincere”) resolutions, how many last beyond the first day let alone the whole of January.

We plan to:

  • Give up smoking


  • Give up drinking


  • Lose weight


  • Improve our diets


  • Go to the gym


  • Try and be nicer to people


  • See more of our relatives


  • Renew old acquaintances


  • Spend more time with our better halves


  • Work less


  • Work harder


  • Spend more quality time with the family


Do you recognize yourself from the foregoing? Feel a little bit guilty or not. Let’s take them one at a time .

Give up smoking

Ok this one is not for me I don’t smoke. I never really smoked. Well in my final year at high school, peer pressure and all that, I would smoke Players Navy Cut cigarettes. The experience made me nauseous and I generally ended up puking after smoking so it was no hardship to give up smoking. Most people that attempt this are singularly unsuccessful. They sneak around smoking outside or behind toilet doors and smell of breath mints until they finally either get caught or are so caught up in the habit that they openly admit they failed “so what” and defiantly smoke publicly once again.

Give up drinking

Well this is a horse of another colour. We as a group tried his. As a number of our group (work colleagues and drinking buddies) were of Irish descent. We decided to give up drink from New years day until St Patrick's day (March 17). Well this worked quite well but some how your buddies weren’t quite so entertaining or funny when they were drinking club soda’s or lemonade after work at the local watering hole. One or two dropped off the bus but most of us stuck it out. But on St Pat’s to commemorate our “success” we had a blow out fit to bust. It made the New Year party seem like a Vicar’s Sunday tea by comparison! Score on this one? a claimed success but in reality no real change.

Lose weight

What can I say on this one. Diet/binge eating potatoes in the kitchen (these don’t count) or scooping up leftovers hen tidying up. Not a great success. This only really worked once life threatening issues came into play . See my hub on this subject. So I score a zero here too because it was not a New Year resolution thing that caused this to actually work.

Improve our diets

Here again no conscious effort to do so. As for salads “ugh bunny food” Tofu double ugh! Eat more fish. I don’t like fish. Finally I was again forced to change due to life threatening circumstances. Score zero.

Go to the gym

Well once Diets and weight came into play exercise became a necessity. This started with walking, but walking was boring so I started running and Gym finally followed on as a logical next step. Score zero.

Try and be nicer to people

Well where did that get me! By being nicer to my neighbor, my ex became his best buddy and finally left me after 34 years of marriage. Score zero

See more of our relatives

Honestly though this is a warm fuzzy feeling that is really nostalgia for those relatives you did not get to see for a while. Those that you did see generally raised your hackles and reminded you why it was good to see them only once in a while and not too soon at that. Score zero.

Renew old acquaintances

This is another of those “it seemed like a good idea at the time” ideas. But basically as times passes so does the urge. Score zero

Spend more time with our better halves

Great intention but in the end “life” a four letter word gets in the way because we don’t Work less but in practice we think that we Work harder and finallyend up by not Spending more quality time with the family!

So in balance it looks like I am not really qualified to tell anyone else how to improve in 2009 as I appear to have lot of homework to do!



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    • sixtyorso profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Fagan 

      9 years ago from South Africa

      Well good luck on your next great adventure!

    • marisuewrites profile image


      9 years ago from USA

      hughesnet is advertised as a satellite service, I hope it works. We'll be living in the country but along a highway. I'm on the computer so much, I don't know if I'll enjoy the time away, or get the shakes and attack the first computer I see -- either way, I can't wait to get to Oklahoma!! =)) Leaving corporate stress, or most of it, behind. Peace, at last. ? we hope. ha

    • sixtyorso profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Fagan 

      9 years ago from South Africa

      Yes I guess so. I dont know Hughesnet but hopefully it will be good. Enjoy the journey LOL

    • marisuewrites profile image


      9 years ago from USA

      We belong to a mutual admiration society....LOL Yes, I've missed the old pals of readers - there has been so much to read I've gotten lost and that's why I "landed" on your articles once again. It was comforting!!

      I, too have lost some motivation, I'm writing easy breezy things...not a lot of creativity in me until we get this move over with. I will let all of you know when I'm off the air for a few days as we travel. I'll take my laptop but won't have internet for a few days when I get there....i'm quite sure the withdrawal may make me ill. (not hardly

      I'm going with Hughesnet. I hope it's good? Do you know anything about it?

      It's sattelite of course.

      hugs back to you, my friend. =))

    • sixtyorso profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Fagan 

      9 years ago from South Africa

      Marisue it is great to be your friend and i am glad to see how much good has come out halfway through this New (Old?) year. Is it really halfway through? I am doing great but the year is rushing by. I am not yet motvated to write. I guess I am waiting for this hub challenge thingy to go away so hub pages can come back to normal.


    • marisuewrites profile image


      9 years ago from USA

      I buzzed back over here to see if I kept any of my resolutions. I did make a huge decision for life and career and we are much closer now than previously to achieving the goal of going home and slowing down, concentrating on health and happiness. =)) I am feeling better, so I did keep that one.

      Still too much stress, goals of leaving Florida not reached but closer, much closer. =)) visiting you is like leaning on the shoulder of a friend, Clive. !!!

      How are you doing in 2009??

    • GeneriqueMedia profile image


      9 years ago from Earth

      Anytime. Glad I can help. =) Cheers!

    • sixtyorso profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Fagan 

      9 years ago from South Africa

      Thanks and I will use your suggestion. Nice of you to stop by and comment,

    • GeneriqueMedia profile image


      9 years ago from Earth

      This is a good look at resolutions.

      Your video though has been removed from youtube..I found you one you might like if you want to replace it:



    • sixtyorso profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Fagan 

      9 years ago from South Africa

      Marisue always a pleasant surprise to find your lively and informative comments first thing in the morning. your support is always welcome and much appreciated!

    • marisuewrites profile image


      9 years ago from USA

      I don't know how I missed this hub; probably doing one of those things on the above list!! How rocky is the Road of Good Intentions!! I fear I travel that rough road far too often!!

      If I had a nickel for everytime I said "I'm going to...." I could significantly contribute to helping pay off the national debt..Sigh, we do try!

      I keep a few resolutions, one was to get healthier and I've worked hard on eating better, attempting to reduce stress, which is my hardest challenge. You reminded us all to think more of what means the most...friends, family, daily living. =)) always a good read, here, Clive, thank you!!

    • sixtyorso profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Fagan 

      9 years ago from South Africa

      Ripplemaker  I sincerely hope you achieve your aims. LOL

      CW I think that living like a monk is for monks! New year should not be a time on unequited self flagellation! enjoy your nips as required!

      Shirley The zeroes are just there to keep my feet firmly rooted on the ground. Being normal and human (as in your case) is good! Give yourself a 10!

      Angeli Thanks I will read that one!

      Mighty Mom  I personally did not have a hangover this year and the great white telephone refers to the shape of the toilet bowl in the bathroom where much noisy "talking" can take place. I agree small incremental baby steps are the way to achieve goals rather than giant flambouyant  leaps (that is resolutions at New Year)!

      And thanks to all for stopping by and commenting. Much appreciated as always.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 

      9 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Sixty, You sound like you've been here before in the resolution-breaking department! Sorry you started off 2009 hung over. What is talking into the great white telephone? Is that a euphemism?

      I've heard people say that most resolutions fail because they are phrased as absolutes and it's all or nothing. They doom themselves to failure. Instead of "I will lose weight" we would do better to make a positive affirmation such as, "I will walk 30 minutes each day" -- a more active way to achieve the same goal.

      Anyway, I wish you much success with your plans in 2009. We're all in this together! MM

    • anjalichugh profile image


      9 years ago from New York

      BTW I had answered your request in my hub (Is Fidelity Overrated?). This is only for your info. Thx

    • Shirley Anderson profile image

      Shirley Anderson 

      9 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I smoke, enjoy a beer or wine now and again, and I don't need to lose any weight. I'm not giving up anything, but I still plan on having a great year, though.

      I feel so bad for you, Sixty. All those score 0's! Never mind, 2009 will be better for you. Happy New Year.

      Great hub, Sixty.

    • Constant Walker profile image

      Constant Walker 

      9 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

      I'm down with giving up smoking... still working on that one, but GIVE UP DRINKING?! I'm sorry, one needs a nip now and then. It's only human!

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 

      9 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Hi sixtyorso, I don't drink and I don't smoke. But I would like to lose a bit of weight. So I am trying to break free from staying glued to the computer and paper work and do dancing and walking (which is what I am doing again. Yey!) Now just to make sure I do that all year long...that is the challenge! LOL

    • sixtyorso profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Fagan 

      9 years ago from South Africa

      Marisue Absolutely! Small baby steps are better than resolutions and they work! Believe me. A great 2009 to you too.

      London Girl. Why next year we just simply do it, or resolve to do it all again, because as human nature is, we probably would not have done anything anyway!

      AJcor Onward with baby steps and small increments. Down with resolutions! Happy New year to you and yours too!

      Misty you have made a great start. I hope you can stay a quitter as far as smoking goes!

      Rodney not really wishing to lay a guilt trip but simply telling it like it is.

      Happy 2009 to all and thank you so much for stopping by and commenting! as always much appreciated

    • Just_Rodney profile image

      Rodney Fagan 

      9 years ago from Johannesberg South Africa, The Gold Mine City

      Not a bad over and re view, of what we did didnot do.

      Good hub, Sixty

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 

      9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      My New Year's Resolution was NOT to make any New Year's Resolutions. Hooray, I have kept to it and found it easy LOL

      (Already Quit Smoking on Dec 22nd, so no need to set up any resolutions for that either).

      Great hub and good points made about the failure of most New Year's Resolutions.

    • ajcor profile image


      9 years ago from NSW. Australia

      Thanks sixtyorso, loved your comment above "Renewal and shedding, a bit like a snake shedding its skin?" that is how the resolutions for New Year seem to feel except being human they don't actually always workout - this year I decided not to make any resolutions but will try to take steps towards a healthier life without the burden of the guilt of inevitable failure! cheers and a Happy New Year to you and Yours for 2009.

    • LondonGirl profile image


      9 years ago from London

      Happy New Year - if you did all of that, what would you do next year?

    • marisuewrites profile image


      9 years ago from USA

      Hi Clive, I'm always making resolutions - feels good to make them, but I seldom keep many, and I can identify with so much of what you've said. We see the relatives we want to see, with a couple of exceptions, and we're taking care of that by moving to Okla soon.

      I always want to lose weight, eat healthier, and I'm doing better with that, with a few indulgences such as the inevitable piece of chocolate, and my weekly white potatoes.

      Well, walking "covers" a multitude of sins, yes?

      I have a resolution for us....develop a constant sense of improvement, but no more resolutions!!!

      can't help but say "best wishes for u in 2009!!" world peace, let's start with that one....

    • sixtyorso profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Fagan 

      9 years ago from South Africa

      Chris of course that is why the philosophers say "let the dead bury the dead". Basically each day is a new life , a new experience, not like yesterday and different from tomorrow.

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 

      9 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      Now i've been found! LOL But seriously, it is nicer if we can be a little easier on ourselves, so we can move on to the new year with less baggage which would hopefully help us focus on bettering ourselves instead of minding the past. :D

    • sixtyorso profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Fagan 

      9 years ago from South Africa

      Princessa You are quintessentially the party animal excepting when you see an animal being borne. You at least have your priorities right and give credence to my hub.

      Angelica I am sure we can improve over time. That is perhaps why I find the principal of reincarnation so interesting. Improvement at each step.

      Violetsun The goal of incremental improvement is an iteritive and ultimately highly successful way of achieving goals. way to go.

      G-ma I guess you are pretty much in Sync with Violet.

      Thanks to all of you for stopping by and commenting.

    • sixtyorso profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Fagan 

      9 years ago from South Africa

      Chris It's a liitle bit like confession for your sins. Allowing us to start again guilt free. Renewal and shedding, a bit like a snake shedding its skin?

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 

      9 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      I didn't make can't break any..but will do what I can to improve myself...which is an ongoing affair anyway...This way I don't let myself down but can be happy with each progression I make...Nice hub and well done thanks...G-Ma :o) Hugs & Peace

    • VioletSun profile image


      9 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      The only resolution I made this year is to be "responsible", that is pretty open ended- Meaning, be responsible for what I eat, exercise, take care of chores, manage finances, if I am aware/observant of what I do, and make a slight shifts here and there, that shouldn't be much of an effort- it will be small steps that would have a cumulative affect. Hope I am making sense. LOL! Enjoyed your hub.

    • anjalichugh profile image


      9 years ago from New York

      'I have a lot of homework to do.' That was a humble confession. All of us find ourselves making resolutions and then breaking them, one by one. That's what makes us human. Can we improve? LOL

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 

      9 years ago from France

      It is amazing how we repeat the same mistakes again and again every year, and like you say we always swear that this is the last time!!! But then, New Year wouldn't be the same if you don't party until you drop ;-)

      I spent two New Years being very wise (I was pregnant) and it was so boring that I'll rather face a humongous hangover than spend another wise New Year's eve :)

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 

      9 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      Or serious resolutions that are not taken seriously - but that would have given away the irony. I think part of the spirit of the New Year celebration is the mindset that it instills in people that the coming new year is a an opportunity to mend ways, to throw away the guilt, to start anew - which is good for the psyche and excuses their mistakes in the past. And who wouldn't want that? :D


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