ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How to be a reality tv star

Updated on January 22, 2012

I was a loser who lived in Montana and worked as group home manager. Then one day, I was facing the bright lights of national television. I was splashed all over the internet. Now I may still be a group home manager who lives in Montana, but I’m a group home manager who lives in Montana who’s had fifteen minutes of fame.

One of my capacities at my work is that I coach a Special Olympics basketball team. I’ve played, refereed, watched, reported on, and coached basketball, so this it’s no wonder that this is the favorite part of my job. One of my least favorite roles at work is raising money for the Special Olympics.

We typically have the athletes go out and sell raffle tickets. In addition to that, we have an event called the ‘Passion Plunge’. This is where fools will jump into a frozen lake on the closest Saturday to Valentine’s Day. Before you leap into ice cold water, you have to have a bunch of people sponsor you. In other words a bunch of people pay to see a morons freeze their body parts off.

We needed a few more dollars for our team than usual, so we were trying to get our team to sell more tickets than they ever had before. My team encouraged me to take part in the Passion Plunge. I refused. They continued, unrelenting in their desire to see me miserable in the icy waters of Canyon Ferry Lake. Finally, I made the team a deal. If you sell three hundred dollars in raffle tickets in the first weekend, I would take the plunge.

They tripled that in the first day.

I really didn’t want to do this, but I don’t welsh. On top of that, the team did really well with the fundraising. So I decided to make it worth their time. I had to do something funny. Then I got an idea.

Occasionally people will dress in costumes when they jump. I figured the night before that I should dress up as Spider-Man and leap into the ice hole. But a superhero costume is not an easy thing to round up in February. I wound up going in the toy section of a store, looking for a plastic superhero mask. I had no luck, but then I saw a toy bow and arrow. That gave me an idea. It was just past Valentine’s Day. I’d go as Cupid.

The next day I was in the warming hut at the lake dressing up. I had everything I needed. I had the bow I’d bought the night before. I had little pink fairy wings I’d borrowed from my daughter. Most importantly, I had a large adult diaper. I was proud of myself up to this point. I figured this would be hilarious. Then I realized that the diaper left nothing to the imagination. What I mean by that is it wasn’t far from being a paper thong. I thought to myself, “Are you really going to do this?” I sighed and walked out of the hut.

My shame, the fame.

The reaction from the crowd was immediate. I heard lots of laughs and gasps. My grandma looked at me and seemed to wish she was somewhere else. Many people wanted to take their pictures with me, including the local roller derby team. The camera man for the local news went to great lengths to avoid me. Another video camera went to great lengths to film me. They whipped a release form at me for National Geographic, and I signed it without hesitation.

I changed into shorts before I jumped into the water, because I was afraid the diaper would fall apart in the water. Then I leaped into the icy lake. I was in the paper the next day, and my photo with the roller derby team circulated around Facebook. But that was the end of the story.

That is until I got a call from a coworker half a year later. “Did I just see you on Frontier Force?” I had no idea what she was talking about. Frontier Force is a National Geographic reality show that follows around Montana and Alaska cops. I was in an episode called “Marijuana Factory”. The cops that were their subjects were participating in the Passion Plunge, and I was featured. That was the release I’d signed.

It sounded funny, so I called a bunch of friends and family and let them know the episode was being rerun that night. I instantly regretted it. Part of the comedy of me dressing as cupid was that I was that I was overweight. But I’m used to looking at myself in the mirror head on. They filmed my back fat, which by the way, is enough to have its own back fat. So it was a little embarrassing.

So if you want to be a reality television star, do something you don’t want to do in an embarrassing way for charity in a very public forum. Or date a Kardashian. Either way should work.

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)