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Jokes & Posters to Make You Laugh at Life

Updated on June 22, 2018
oops!  Somebody doesn't understand railway tracks.
oops! Somebody doesn't understand railway tracks.

Beware All Men

Usually warnings are issued to women to be careful in dark car parks when they go shopping in the evenings. This warning is for men, who also get taken advantage of in car parks.

The scam normally begins in spring, so be careful out there guys. Grocery shopping has now become a dangerous chore. And don’t think it can’t happen to you – it can happen to any man, regardless of age.

Here’s how it works.

Two stunning girls come over to you as you are packing your groceries into the trunk of your car. It is obvious as they walk towards you, that they are not wearing bras – you can tell this because they are hardly wearing tee shirts. Without asking, they both start cleaning the car windshield and windows.

They have to stop now and then to snuggle their breasts back into their ‘almost’ tee shirts. And by this time your eyes are popping out in time with their breasts. Try as you might, not that you try very hard; you can’t keep your eyes off their firm breasts. When you are ready to drive off, you offer the girls a tip. They refuse and instead ask for a ride to McDonalds.

You agree, and the girls climb in the back seat. Once there, they begin to undress. One of the girls climbs over into the front seat and begins unzipping and unbuttoning you until she can molest your private parts. As this is going on, the girl in the back seat steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen May 5th, 10th, 11th, twice on the 16th, 18th, 21st, 22nd and 28th. In June I had my wallet stolen on the 2nd, 5th, twice on the 9th, 17th, 24th, 27th and 28th, three times last Tuesday and at least three times this upcoming weekend?

Tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of old men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $5.99 each. But the Dollar Store has cheaper ones – I bought out their entire stock at $1.25 each. Also, you will never get the chance to eat at McDonalds; with the result you will lose weight. I’ve lost 12 lbs so far and summer has a long way to go.

Will I have to socialise in real time now?
Will I have to socialise in real time now?

Old Irish Couple

An old Irish couple from Dublin were married for 40 years. And over that 40 years there were many arguments.

Whenever there was an argument, the neighbours could hear them yelling at each other deep into the night. It kept the neighbours awake.

The old man would shout, "When I die ya auld hag, I'll dig me way up out of the grave and come back and haunt yer arse for the rest of yer life."

The neighbours feared him. The auld man loved the fact that he was feared.

To everyone's relief, the auld man died of a heart attack when he was 88.

At his funeral, his wife made sure he was buried in a closed casket. At the funeral, concerned for his widow's safety, her neighbours asked her, "Are ye no a wee bit afraid that he really will dig his way out of the grave and haunt you forever?"

The widow said, "Let the auld sod dig. I had him buried upside down, and being a man I know he won't ask for directions."




Smile please.

We take our car to a small Autochecker repair shop to be serviced. Our reason for always going there is because they do the job in half the time and at half the price of the large conglomerates.

At large firms we are numbers, not people. The waiting rooms are as large and as coldly impersonal as aircraft hangers, and everybody speaks in hushed whispers because of the echo effect.

At our garage, we are on first name terms and we are treated like one of the family. The waiting room is small, but has a warmth of its own. Of course there is another reason why we are treated so warmly - our 15 year old Sunfire keeps them in business.

The waiting room is small, but has a warmth of its own. The posters around the walls show this warmth and the family's sense of humour. Here are some of those humorous and thought provoking posters. Enjoy!



'Don't forget to pack the suncream.'
'Don't forget to pack the suncream.' | Source
And here was I thinking the God of sex was being kind to me.
And here was I thinking the God of sex was being kind to me. | Source
And if you are on fire, make sure you are 9 metres away from the entrance.
And if you are on fire, make sure you are 9 metres away from the entrance. | Source
Or consider buying some of your own.
Or consider buying some of your own. | Source
P.S. Remember whatever naughty photos you put online will be there for eternity, and could be hard to explain to your great-grandson.
P.S. Remember whatever naughty photos you put online will be there for eternity, and could be hard to explain to your great-grandson. | Source
This sign was borrowed from a government office, but will not be missed as every office has the same notice.
This sign was borrowed from a government office, but will not be missed as every office has the same notice. | Source
John Wayne:  The man who won WWll single-handed.
John Wayne: The man who won WWll single-handed. | Source
"It's just a funny poster, sweetheart, honestly."
"It's just a funny poster, sweetheart, honestly." | Source
Go on, be generous...
Go on, be generous... | Source
"Darlin', please.   You can see that a woody is a station wagon.  You've got some imagination.   Give us a kiss."
"Darlin', please. You can see that a woody is a station wagon. You've got some imagination. Give us a kiss." | Source
Or.....cut out the wife!
Or.....cut out the wife! | Source
"An' I aint no quitter, fill 'er up barman, Hic."
"An' I aint no quitter, fill 'er up barman, Hic." | Source

Comments

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    • John MacNab profile imageAUTHOR

      John MacNab 

      5 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      Eric: My pleasure.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Just a fine hub. Made me feel right at home. And thanks for not cluttering it up with a lot of words ;-)

    • John MacNab profile imageAUTHOR

      John MacNab 

      5 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      Rosemay50: Thanks for the visit and comment Rosemay50. Autochecker's is the ideal repair shop, and their sense of humour helps when they give us any bad news about our car.

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 

      5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      What a business has in its waiting room can say a great deal about the people running it and whether they care for their customers. Sounds like you have the ideal repair shop. I do love a sense of humour

    • John MacNab profile imageAUTHOR

      John MacNab 

      6 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      drbj: It is a jim-dandy shop, drbj. We are treated like family, and can take the car there on short order and be sure of being attended to. Thanks for the visit and comment, young lass.

    • John MacNab profile imageAUTHOR

      John MacNab 

      6 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      Sunshine; I don't think there is any danger of you being classified as a quitter. My favourite is the 'Beer,helping ugly people have sex.' Thank you for the visit and comment.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 

      6 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Funny signs!! I've heard a few before, but my favorite is "rehab is for quitters!" Who wants to be referred to as a quitter? Not me! :)

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks for sharing this wild assortment of signs, John. Your repair shop seems to be a jim-dandy kind of shop.

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