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I have nothing to do so let's do it together

Updated on January 2, 2014

Pointless facts to distract you from the already distracting internet

The CIA spent 20 million to train a cat to spy on the soviets during the cold war. It was run over by a taxi

Stilettos were invented by butchers. The intention was to get better movement over the blood and gore.

Non-dairy creamer is flammable

I didn't fact check - but I will to find out if something is flammable

You burn more calories sleeping than watching TV

Things I want to complain about now

I can’t think of a single meaningful thing to write

Words come together and sometimes those words make sense.

Not right now, every sentence in my head involves cheese for absolutely no reason.

Ok, I lie, I can think of a few things. All of those things are complaints. Enjoy.

One of jerk dogs I live with smells like some sort of concoction that involves dead person, rotten eggs, and fart. I think I am going to get a lot of comments about this, but why are all small dogs jerks? Seriously, I used to get a chuckle out of seeing a 7 pound dog teasing a pit bull, but now after being tethered to a tiny tyrant, I no longer find it funny. Small dogs are jerks. I can knock it because I have tried it.

I wanted to buy beets at a famous mega-store. When I found the beet bin, I found it buried under radishes. I started to dig through the radishes to find if there was possibly a beet. Sadly, there was not. However, an obviously intelligent employee stopped to ask if I needed help as I hold a handful of radishes and a bewildered expression. I say, “it looks like someone put all of the radishes in your beets bin, and you don’t have any beets.” She says, “No, I worked on a farm, those are beets.” While pointing at the radishes in my hand. I remained quiet because I felt if I responded it would be like hitting a handicapped person; No matter what you say you still lose. I just took a breath and felt that part of me that still had faith in humanity twitch. I killed my remorse with alcohol later.

I know that cats power the internet so I fear that I may be marked for death just by mentioning this, but I am pretty sure my cat is going to kill me. I see him staring and all I can picture is bold font word “SOON” next to him. I’m not a fan.


Peter picked pickled peppers past the purple people eater?

See results

I read in some news article today that 37 people were killed due to the recent legalization of marijuana. I felt as if all of my teen years were wasted. All those attempts at weed death were failed. If I could piece together my 20’s I might be mad about it. Anyway, it appeared as if this article claims that real people can really die from weed smoking. I see that can be true, but only like this. Some pot head realizes he is super hungry and after almost losing the feeling in his fingers from constant video games he gets up. Then, as he stretches for the first time in hours – possibly days – he walks outside. At the exact moment this happens a plane falls from the sky and lands on him, but not before bursting into flames. The weed smoker is too entranced by the flaming plane heading towards him and eventually ponders the possibilities of said plane. But it’s too late pothead you’re dead.

So, I realized that toddlers can be incredibly funny. However, this reflection must be made in one of those rare moments when you are honestly trying to figure out how spaghetti got on the ceiling when your precious little one was just eating fruit. It’s quite amazing. I think my little one has used her amazing talent to create an 11th dimension so she can hide things. I still cannot find a few of her cups of milk. I am sure someone in the hung dynasty is enjoying them because I’m sure the 11th dimension is back in time.

I am kind of frustrated that everything requires effort. That’s all I have to say about that because elaborating will force me to muster more effort.



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      Rob 4 years ago

      Informative and intense. A great read.

      I just love your writing style.