- Entertainment and Media
If It Weren't For My Horse...
If It Weren't For My Horse...I wouldn't have spent that year in college.
Starting out as a simple phrase uttered by some random woman, this phrase entered the ears of Lewis Black. It then nearly killed him by eating away at his brain. The only way in which he could save himself, was to offer up this sentence for the rest of us. It now eats away a tiny bit at all of our brains. This is the place to put forth your theory and help get this puzzler out of your head.
The phrase IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY HORSE has become a part of pop culture. This phrase is used for anything that is so dumb, it defies any rational reasoning.
The White Album - From which this all stems
Lewis Black presents the issue that is eating at our brains...If it weren't for my horse...
Hear it unfold - If It Weren't For My Horse...If It Weren't For My Horse...
Listen to the audio clip on this video which includes the horse debacle.
If this clip is not working, there is another version here.
My Horse Theories
Four Possible Meanings of the Statement
The girl was a rider who won prizes in competitions giving her enough money for college for one year.
The girl was a gambler. She bet a bunch of money on a horse and won enough to pay tuition for one year.
The girl was an out of control teen, but this kind gentle horse was able to calm her down and get her back on track. So she went to college. My theory goes on...since she didn't have the horse in college, she became out of control again and dropped out after a year).
She actually rode the horse to college. (Crappy theory...I know...but it keeps coming up)
Lewis Black Items
If it weren't for my horse....
From The White Album by Lewis Black
Transcript of the story of a brain aneurysm causing sentence:
When from behind me, a woman of 25 uttered the dumbest thing I'd ever heard in my life ... She said, 'If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.'
I'll repeat that. I'll repeat that because that's the kind of sentence that when you hear it, your brain comes to a screeching halt. And the left hand side of the brain looks at the right hand side and goes, 'It's dark in here, and we may die.' She said, 'If it weren't for my horse...' as in, giddy up, giddy up, let's go - 'I wouldn't have spent that year in college,' a degree-granting institution.
Don't! Don't think about that sentence for more than three minutes, or blood'll shoot out your nose. The American medical profession doesn't know why we get an aneurysm. It's when a blood vessel bursts in our head for no apparent reason. There's a reason.
You're at the mall one day, and somebody over there says the dumbest thing you've ever heard and it goes in your ear. So you turn around to see if your friends heard it, cause if your friends heard it, and you can talk about what the jackass said, then it'll be gone. But your friends are over here, pretending they're gonna buy a cellular phone, and they're not gonna buy a cellular phone, because they don't even understand how the rate structure works. So you turn back, to find the person who said it, because if you can ask 'em a question like, 'WHAT THE @*#! ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?!' then it'll go away. But they're gone.
And now those words are in your head. And those words don't go away. Cause the way I see it, 7% of our brains functions all the time, because 99% of everything that happens is the same old stuff. We get it. All right. Move on. Get it. Right.
But every so often, somethin' like that happens: 'If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.' So your brain goes, 'LET'S FIGURE IT OUT! Son of a bitch! I wonder what that's about!' I wonder, was she riding the horse to school? No, she wouldn't be riding the horse to school. Maybe it was a polo pony; she had a polo pony scholarship. Maybe she sold the horse and that's how she - she was betting on the horse! WHAT THE @*#! ?!! And then you realize that anybody who went to college would never say anything that stupid in public. And as soon as you have that thought, your eyes close and the next morning they find you dead in your bathroom.
Lewis Black Links
Do you have any alternate theories for this horse scenario? or do you just want to say 'Hi'?