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Irving Plotny Does a Dive of His Own Invention
AP — 08.09.2010 (Dateline: Irving Plot, NY) — Local boy Irving Plotny, 46, of the garage apartment of his parents’ home at 72 Foober Lane, finally made good, winning First Place by unanimous judges’ voting in the Regional Freaky-Freestyle Diving Competition held at Mudge Pool & Wing Palace last weekend.
Irving won style points for incorporating all of his favorite pursuits — transvestitism, tennis, 7th Cavalry leather gear, skin ink, pedometry, vintage French cabaret nylons, mullet perms, circus horse plumes, cheek popping, skullcaps and holiday bells — into a perfectly executed 1-1/2 gainer with longhorn finger-wave. Local observers reported that the elongated styling of his dive was nicely accentuated by his 7’-2” 86-lb frame and perfectly vertical entry into the water.
Irving has certainly made his family proud (!?), taking home the Competition’s stunning macramé-bakelite-velcro trophy. We can all expect more from the accomplished Mr. Plotny as he launches his new business, recycling obscure-local-band auto window decals.
Reported by Bandi Chipmunkcheeks, 2nd Associate Society Correspondent, Irving Plot Times-Picayune & Fishwrap.