It's 2:00 AM - Time For Crazy Infomercials!
I have a tendency to stay up late, and with that, comes late night television. And with late night television comes odd commercials – infomercials that don’t make sense, commercials with creepy actors, and commercials for odd and off the wall products.
And, without further ado, here are my top 12 weirdest commercials:
12. The Air Curler
The device reminds me of something the nurses used to measure my urine output when I was in the hospital. At 0:04, you find out how dangerous curling irons are for the uncoordinated. Basically, you have a product that creates a curled, albeit tangled mass, of hair.
Why is it as I watch this I keep waiting for the woman to get her hair sucked into the dryer? The masochist in me is quickly bubbling to the surface...
And this is why I keep my hair short. It's just too dangerous otherwise.
11. The Hawaii Chair
The interviews at ‘work’ are fantastic. 27 seconds into the infomercial, we get to watch some poor woman nearly get thrown off her chair. Keep an eye on her leg placement while she talks. She’s literally holding on for dear life. At 50 seconds in, she makes a claim that is sure to make you laugh. Although I’m sure you’ll be laughing the entire way through the commercial. I kinda wonder how much they made on this, and why the hell it’s called the ‘Hawaii Chair’. They certainly don’t look like any Hula dancers I've ever seen.
If you get a chance, Ellen reviews this on her show, too.
The workout really isn't in the abs. It's in the arms, from holding on for your life.
10. The Snuggie
Because, you know, standard blankets are far to complicated for the average Jane. Everyone wants to keep warm, but a blanket just isn’t enough, despite the fact that for hundreds of years, potentially thousands, a blanket has worked just fine. I bet if the Romans had the Snuggie, they would have conquered the world.
I got a tan Snuggie once. I put it on, and I believe that the creators of the Snuggie are actually recruiting for a cult. You put that on, and you automatically look like a Druid.
Oh Snuggie, with you, I can be a functional human being again! Thank you!
9. The Chillow
Seriously, if I had the same issue with sweat as the people in this commercial do, I would be making an appointment with my endocrinologist to see about a glandular problem. At 1:14 you get to see a man enjoy his Chillow a bit too much.
I guess we just don’t have the time to flip our pillows over anymore. I hope none of these people get Snuggies for Christmas. That would be a huge waste.
On a side note, the name of this product sounds like a command.
"Dude, will you just chillow?"
My face sweats too much. I need this.
8. The Wunder Boner
I checked. This is for real. While the concept is actually pretty ingenious, the name was obviously not well thought out. Or was it? I wunder if the sales for this product were high? Or was releasing the product a boner move? (Ha ha! See what I did there?)
If only I had that kind of a haul when I went fishing...
7. The Cougar Life
I’m not sure what’s most disturbing about this commercial – their theme song, the fact that all the women they’re showing in the commercial appear to be my age (I’m certainly not a Cougar), or the ‘growl’ at the end of it all.
I initially saw this commercial on Adult Swim on Cartoon Network. I thought it was a joke. Well, color me disgusted…
God save us all...
6. Evian Roller Babies
Okay, so this isn’t as creepy as the others, but I find any commercials portraying babies doing things they normally wouldn’t, like a triple salchow, as particularly unsettling. That and the fact that you have to sit through the entire creepiness in order to figure out what the hell the product is.
That can't be possible...I've never seen a baby skate that well.
5. Canon “Little Big Shots”
Again, creepy babies. This one is higher up on the list, however, because as time goes on, technology improves, and we end up with creepy babies that move more like real adults.
Seriously, these babies look so creepy real that I want to punch them in the face.
No. No on so many levels.
4. The Shakeweight
I only posted the men’s ad of the Shake Weight, mostly because of the reactions when he reaches his 'maximum shake'. This one is self explanatory.
I think there's other ways to achieve this same effect...
3. The Tiddy Bear
Any company that has to spell out their product name should probably rethink the name of said product. Oh wait…Oh I see what you did there – Tiddy Bear…and it sits on the woman’s bosom…Gee, that play on words totally went over my head.
I also find it incredibly amusing that no matter how often the product name is displayed on the screen, my ears automatically hear the obvious.
I wonder what the average age is in their marketing department?
2. The Comfort Wipe
Yup. Toilet paper on a stick. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve pooped on my finger because I had a clump of wadded up toilet paper in my hand. You know, sometimes the logistics of cleaning yourself after a giant crap is just too much to deal with.
I do like the fact that they make a point of telling us the wand is a whopping 18 inches long, just in case your ass happens to be dragging on the floor.
Man, I don’t know what they did back in the 1800′s without the Comfort Wipe…
It doubles as a ceiling fan blade cleaner...
1. The Uroclub
This is the moment you’ve been waiting for. The number one craziest infomercial, the UroClub. I gotta say, this is the one reason I’ve never played golf. I’m terrified I’m going to have to pee on the course, so I’ve just stayed away.
I’d hate to mistake the UroClub for an actual driver while I’m on the course, especially if I’ve been consuming beer while golfing. You might end up with more than you bargained for when you tee off on the 9th hole.
17 seconds in, you get to see how truly ‘discreet’ this product is. Oh, and the voice over is pretty fantastic.