John's Horror Banana-nanza Episode Thirty-Two: Troll 2

So, what can be said about this movie that hasn't already been said?

Let me start this by saying, everything you've ever heard about this movie is absolutely true. When it comes to bad acting, directing, plot, or anything else that has to do with movies, this is one of the worst. (With all respect to Tommy Wiseau and "The Room.") However, this is also one of the most watchable movies I've ever seen.

If you saw the original "Troll", directed by the same guy who did "Friday the 13th VII: A New Blood", John Carl Buechler, you should know, this movie has nothing to do with that one. You don't even get the brilliant acting of one Sonny Bono!

So this kid, Joshua, keeps seeing his dead grandfather. In fact, his dead grandfather is reading him stories. Stories about trolls? No. Stories about goblins. You see, there are no trolls in "Troll 2". This was typical of Italian films of the time. They'd claim to be sequels of unrelated movies, maybe to sell more, but I doubt this movie was trying to capitalize on the success of "Troll." Mostly because there was none.

Anyway, his mom and dad discuss, with laughter, what the goblins are. Then we meet Josh's sister, a high school drama student who really needs to work on her craft. Her boyfriend climbs into her room using a ladder, which three of his friends also climb at the same time. He's not getting any from weighlifting Holly. But Holly's dad Michael might eat his nuts...

The family decides to go on vacation to a town called Nilbog. (Get it?) They're all excited that they get to live like their ancestors. You know, constantly afraid of plague, death, wolves and hunger? But not to worry. The family that they switch houses with leave them plenty of...food? I guess you could call it that. It's really just random food with green goop all over it. Not that that deters the family from eating it without question. Luckily, Joshua's grandfather's ghost appears and stops time, allowing Joshua to piss on the food before his family becomes half-plant, half-human, which happens to be the goblin's favorite food.

Of course, you can't piss on hospitality, and the family is forced to tighten their beltloops to avoid hunger pains. Of course.

The acting in this movie is atrocious, but comically so. The Italian director, Claudio Fragasso, claimed he knew English better than his actors, and forced them to read his wife's script exactly as it was written. Which is why you have lines like, "We must have more time for things to happen!", or, "They're eating her! And then they're going to eat me! Oh my God!".

I'd love to write all day about this movie. But it just wouldn't do it justice. There is an actual full-length documentary about this movie, called "Best-Worst Movie." And that's where you find out that Margo Prey, who played the mother, is completely batshit crazy. You also find out that this movie has a HUGE cult following.

So, I recommend this movie so highly it's almost rediculous. Sometimes, a film is made just to be made, and it sucks. There's no effort. Not with this movie. There's tons of effort, and it all fails miserably. And it's so worth it.