ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Jillian The Bachelorette ep 3

Updated on June 30, 2013
Jillian The Bachelorette
Jillian The Bachelorette | Source
Ed from The Bachelorette
Ed from The Bachelorette | Source
 

I've decided that I really like Ed. I guess I'm into "bulky" guys, as Jillian described him. What does that even mean? I wouldn't have guessed that he would be her choice for a one-on-one, but it turned out to be a one of her better decisions. The brainiest part of the date was when they were standing on the roof and Ed asked, "What floor are we on?" and Jillian replied "I think we're on the top floor." Really? Even if Ed wasn't that jazzed about scaling walls on a date, he should have been comforted knowing that ABC wouldn't kill him on TV. Lawsuits are expensive. Oddly, Jillian thought this Spiderman date was "romantic." It's all fun and games until someone plummets 1,000 feet to his death! I guess she has room to be concerned about him being a workaholic, but that's hard to think about when looking into his big Jeffrey Dean Morgan eyes.

Wes isn't the smartest alligator in the pond. He said, "I think I'd rather be on a date with just Jillian instead of 11 other people. That's a lot of people." Ya think? I suppose the only way to have a date with such a ginormous group is to make a Western...that's how I spend my polygamist-style Saturday nights.

The costumes were pretty entertaining, especially Tanner P's. I typed "was he supposed to be a Flintstone?" right before he said it. His boy, Michael, was overly defensive about his Brokeback scene. I didn't understand the point of that (did Jillian only bring enough lip gloss to kiss 9 guys, not 11?), but NY Mike was a much better sport without feeling the need to declare his heterosexuality at every turn.

In the least shocking moment of the week, it turns out that Brad is a terrible kisser. That was more awkward than a middle school dance! Also, I'm a little bit concerned with the kisses Tanner was witnessing in 1988. Wasn't he like 5 then?

It's surprising that Robby hasn't kissed anyone in a long time, since bartenders are generally man-whores. In all the other scenes, Jillian was the one who initiated the kiss, but Robby took control of theirs, which is hot.

I think Reid is a little cutie, in a kid-type of way. He's got a Michael J. Fox thing going for him. I hope he gets a date and wears a red life vest. Maybe they can go back in time to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance. Just an idea.

Blech, Juan. He reminds me of Tailor Made from I Love New York. He has a lot of gay mannerisms too. Meanwhile, Dave was at home freaking out about him AGAIN. What a raging psycho. This feud won't end well. I think I've read this script before, like when Tailor Made got beaten up by Buddha...too much VH1 again?

Rubbing feet all over your face in a hot tub is unacceptable behavior. However, Tanner makes the show a bit more entertaining when he's not talking about feet--in that like 3 seconds per episode that he turns his attention elsewhere. He was pretty funny when he made fun of Wes's shameless self-promotion. I don't think Tanner is right for Jillian, but every season needs a little dash of crazy to keep things interesting.

Jillian was wasted by the time she decided to cozy up to Robby at the wrap party. Ain't it just like a drunk girl to go after the bartender after she's had one too many? I'm sure he wasn't complaining since their sloppy make out session resulted in a rose. He's from Texas, which just might make him a contender.

Sasha is a unicorn hunter. Good to know. I also learned that you can climb on cars in the museum if no one is around. I was expecting a reenactment of the Whitesnake video, but instead they opted for a photo shoot. Interesting choice. Where were they that they could accelerate on the streets of LA like that without slamming into tons of traffic? I'm moving to that side of town (AKA a closed set furnished by ABC).

Sasha's story about his accident was crazy, and it surprised me that he still drives like a maniac. During their date, I found him to be spectacularly mediocre. Nothing terrible, nothing amazing. Except of course when he brought up the unicorn again. Freak show. Obviously, someone didn't deem him worthy of the typical limo-ride-o'-shame, instead he got sent to LAX on a bus like a common vagrant.

I really don't need to hear Wes talking about his carpe diem theory anymore. I just don't like the guy. The balcony serenade would have been sweet if he wasn't such a shade-ster. I wonder how many times the production people made him play that stupid song for editing purposes. Poor Jillian.

I'm glad Reid finally got a little lip lock action. He's got a tiny mouth, but obviously she liked it because she went in for more. Good job, Alex P. Keaton!

Dave whistling "Here Comes the Bride" as they went out for their one-on-one time made me want to vomit. He's a foolface. Juan might not be the straightest man ever, but he has a set of cojones on him for busting in on Dave's time. I seriously fear that The Bachelorette might have their first murder this season.

Tanner had some entertaining moments at the cocktail party. At least he's always straightforward with his agenda: he was there to suck on some toes. He seemed pretty wasted while doing his toe-sucking dance. I guess you'd have to be. When it comes to feet, he wants to kiss ‘em, suck ‘em, lick ‘em, tweeze ‘em....wait, what? I hope Jillian sleeps with her door locked, she might wake up to find a toe missing!

Speaking of lunatics, how did Dave pass the psychological test to be on this show? On top of his non-stop rants about Juan (quit citing man-code!), he took a moment to freak out on Ed. That dude needs to be medicated. He spent the entire party talking about or randomly screaming at Juan instead of trying to get near Jillian. Juan's a little girl, but he doesn't deserve that to be berated by that maniac. It's like 4 days later and Dave is still talking about Juan pouring out the shot. Who freaking cares? If that wasn't bad enough, he turned to Mark and wigged out on him for not giving a crap what Juan does. I hope she sends him packing soon, for everyone's safety!

I'd be really interested to see the unedited version of Robby talking to Juan. He said that he agreed 100% with Dave, but then they toasted at the end. Maybe he just said "I think you are being cheesy" instead of "I want to murder you in your sleep."

Mark might be one of those undercover frontrunners. Just a thought.

Tanner the serial killer and Brad went home, which means she's heading in the right direction. They were both on my go-home list. Tanner went down swinging by talking smack about both Wes and Jason. Meanwhile, Brad was dropping the L-bomb in his exit interview and babbling about becoming a drifter because he's so misunderstood. Alright emo kid, get it together.

Next week looks good. It's when they find out that some clowns have girlfriends.

Frontrunners:

Wes (big time)

Jake

Kiptyn

Need to go home:

Dave

Michael

Juan

Wes (but I know he won't)

Tanner the foot lover

Roses:

Ed

Robby

Jake

Reid

Mark

Jesse

Tanner P

Wes

Juan

Michael

Kiptyn

Mike

Dave

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Megavitamin profile imageAUTHOR

      Megavitamin 

      9 years ago

      How dare you imply that I'm that superficial! Ha! Actually, Chelsea Handler said Jillian has a "Miss Piggy nose" and I just couldn't top that.

    • profile image

      theresa 

      9 years ago

      good job meg, but how come you have never commented about her nose..sometimes it looks big

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)