Jillian The Bachelorette ep 3

I've decided that I really like Ed. I guess I'm into "bulky" guys, as Jillian described him. What does that even mean? I wouldn't have guessed that he would be her choice for a one-on-one, but it turned out to be a one of her better decisions. The brainiest part of the date was when they were standing on the roof and Ed asked, "What floor are we on?" and Jillian replied "I think we're on the top floor." Really? Even if Ed wasn't that jazzed about scaling walls on a date, he should have been comforted knowing that ABC wouldn't kill him on TV. Lawsuits are expensive. Oddly, Jillian thought this Spiderman date was "romantic." It's all fun and games until someone plummets 1,000 feet to his death! I guess she has room to be concerned about him being a workaholic, but that's hard to think about when looking into his big Jeffrey Dean Morgan eyes.

Wes isn't the smartest alligator in the pond. He said, "I think I'd rather be on a date with just Jillian instead of 11 other people. That's a lot of people." Ya think? I suppose the only way to have a date with such a ginormous group is to make a Western...that's how I spend my polygamist-style Saturday nights.

The costumes were pretty entertaining, especially Tanner P's. I typed "was he supposed to be a Flintstone?" right before he said it. His boy, Michael, was overly defensive about his Brokeback scene. I didn't understand the point of that (did Jillian only bring enough lip gloss to kiss 9 guys, not 11?), but NY Mike was a much better sport without feeling the need to declare his heterosexuality at every turn.

In the least shocking moment of the week, it turns out that Brad is a terrible kisser. That was more awkward than a middle school dance! Also, I'm a little bit concerned with the kisses Tanner was witnessing in 1988. Wasn't he like 5 then?

It's surprising that Robby hasn't kissed anyone in a long time, since bartenders are generally man-whores. In all the other scenes, Jillian was the one who initiated the kiss, but Robby took control of theirs, which is hot.

I think Reid is a little cutie, in a kid-type of way. He's got a Michael J. Fox thing going for him. I hope he gets a date and wears a red life vest. Maybe they can go back in time to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance. Just an idea.

Blech, Juan. He reminds me of Tailor Made from I Love New York. He has a lot of gay mannerisms too. Meanwhile, Dave was at home freaking out about him AGAIN. What a raging psycho. This feud won't end well. I think I've read this script before, like when Tailor Made got beaten up by Buddha...too much VH1 again?

Rubbing feet all over your face in a hot tub is unacceptable behavior. However, Tanner makes the show a bit more entertaining when he's not talking about feet--in that like 3 seconds per episode that he turns his attention elsewhere. He was pretty funny when he made fun of Wes's shameless self-promotion. I don't think Tanner is right for Jillian, but every season needs a little dash of crazy to keep things interesting.

Jillian was wasted by the time she decided to cozy up to Robby at the wrap party. Ain't it just like a drunk girl to go after the bartender after she's had one too many? I'm sure he wasn't complaining since their sloppy make out session resulted in a rose. He's from Texas, which just might make him a contender.

Sasha is a unicorn hunter. Good to know. I also learned that you can climb on cars in the museum if no one is around. I was expecting a reenactment of the Whitesnake video, but instead they opted for a photo shoot. Interesting choice. Where were they that they could accelerate on the streets of LA like that without slamming into tons of traffic? I'm moving to that side of town (AKA a closed set furnished by ABC).

Sasha's story about his accident was crazy, and it surprised me that he still drives like a maniac. During their date, I found him to be spectacularly mediocre. Nothing terrible, nothing amazing. Except of course when he brought up the unicorn again. Freak show. Obviously, someone didn't deem him worthy of the typical limo-ride-o'-shame, instead he got sent to LAX on a bus like a common vagrant.

I really don't need to hear Wes talking about his carpe diem theory anymore. I just don't like the guy. The balcony serenade would have been sweet if he wasn't such a shade-ster. I wonder how many times the production people made him play that stupid song for editing purposes. Poor Jillian.

I'm glad Reid finally got a little lip lock action. He's got a tiny mouth, but obviously she liked it because she went in for more. Good job, Alex P. Keaton!

Dave whistling "Here Comes the Bride" as they went out for their one-on-one time made me want to vomit. He's a foolface. Juan might not be the straightest man ever, but he has a set of cojones on him for busting in on Dave's time. I seriously fear that The Bachelorette might have their first murder this season.

Tanner had some entertaining moments at the cocktail party. At least he's always straightforward with his agenda: he was there to suck on some toes. He seemed pretty wasted while doing his toe-sucking dance. I guess you'd have to be. When it comes to feet, he wants to kiss ‘em, suck ‘em, lick ‘em, tweeze ‘em....wait, what? I hope Jillian sleeps with her door locked, she might wake up to find a toe missing!

Speaking of lunatics, how did Dave pass the psychological test to be on this show? On top of his non-stop rants about Juan (quit citing man-code!), he took a moment to freak out on Ed. That dude needs to be medicated. He spent the entire party talking about or randomly screaming at Juan instead of trying to get near Jillian. Juan's a little girl, but he doesn't deserve that to be berated by that maniac. It's like 4 days later and Dave is still talking about Juan pouring out the shot. Who freaking cares? If that wasn't bad enough, he turned to Mark and wigged out on him for not giving a crap what Juan does. I hope she sends him packing soon, for everyone's safety!

I'd be really interested to see the unedited version of Robby talking to Juan. He said that he agreed 100% with Dave, but then they toasted at the end. Maybe he just said "I think you are being cheesy" instead of "I want to murder you in your sleep."

Mark might be one of those undercover frontrunners. Just a thought.

Tanner the serial killer and Brad went home, which means she's heading in the right direction. They were both on my go-home list. Tanner went down swinging by talking smack about both Wes and Jason. Meanwhile, Brad was dropping the L-bomb in his exit interview and babbling about becoming a drifter because he's so misunderstood. Alright emo kid, get it together.

Next week looks good. It's when they find out that some clowns have girlfriends.

Frontrunners:

Wes (big time)

Jake

Kiptyn

Need to go home:

Dave

Michael

Juan

Wes (but I know he won't)

Tanner the foot lover

Roses:

Ed

Robby

Jake

Reid

Mark

Jesse

Tanner P

Wes

Juan

Michael

Kiptyn

Mike

Dave