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John's Horror Banana-nanza Episode Fourty-One: Hatchet

Updated on October 11, 2012
They always said she had nothing going on upstairs.
They always said she had nothing going on upstairs.

Hatchet is a movie that throws so perfectly back to the slasher genre, it should almost be considered a handbook to making such movies. Writer/director Adam Green nailed everything, from the atmosphere, to the blood and gore, to the humor and gratuitous nudity. And to make things even more exciting, the movie features horror vets Kane Hodder, Tony Todd and Robert Englund.

Well, Robert Englund is there for a few minutes, anyway. In the opening scene, while hunting for gators in the swamp, he's murdered. His son is then torn apart in a beautifully gory sequence.

So two college kids at Mardi Gras decide to go on a haunted swamp tour. When Tony Todd's tour is unavailable due to some snooty kids who sued him for negligence, they instead head over to a tour led by an Asian trying to talk in a southern accent. Together with a perverted fake director filming some porn under the guise of casting videos, and his two female companions, they board a bus with other tourists, including a shy girl named Marybeth.

So they jump on a swamp boat and ignore the warnings of "Troll" and "Friday the 13th VII" director John Carl Buechler. When the boat breaks down, they get on shore only to find out from Marybeth that they are in Victor Crowley territory. The story is that as a child, he was burned and hit in the face with a hatchet accidently by his own father. And now he runs around killing.

And kill he does, gloriously. A woman's head is ripped apart. Longways. Another is impaled, after having her face sanded. There is so much wonderfully cartoonish gore in this movie, not to mention creative and goofy kills. The makeup effects are off the charts.

As far as the ending, well, I'll just say this. There's a Hatchet II. That being said, this movie is
fantastic. It's one of the best to come out in some time. Adam Green took the best elements of 80's horror and ramped it up for a new age, and he did not disappoint.

Every kill in the movie.

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