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Just for Kicks #2: More Jokes, Riddles and Other Silly Stuff

Updated on August 24, 2016
Jodah profile image

John values the use of humour and enjoys writing and reading limericks and jokes. He is a fan of Monty Python, Mr Bean, Black Books etc.

"Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into." Laurel and Hardy: scene from "The Flying Deuces" 1939
"Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into." Laurel and Hardy: scene from "The Flying Deuces" 1939 | Source

Feel Free to Laugh Out Loud

Welcome to my second hub in the series of "Just For Kicks." If you enjoyed the first one and got a laugh or too, I hope this does the same. I realise that not everyone shares my sense of humour so I don't expect everyone to find these hilarious, but if one or two of these jokes at least cause you to smile then I feel the hub has been successful. If you do in fact find these hilariously funny, then you have my permission to laugh out loud. I hope you enjoy.

Q. What do you call a fish without an eye?

A. a fsh

Don't look down
Don't look down | Source
Ready to jump
Ready to jump | Source

Skydiving Blind

A blind man is telling his friend how much he enjoys skydiving.

"My hand is placed on the parachute release ring. And then they place me in the doorway of the plane and tell me when to jump. Then out I go. I count to ten slowly, then pull the ring."

"But how do you know when to lift your legs before you land on the ground?" his friend asks.

"Oh," replies the blind man, "as soon as the dog's leash goes slack."

Q. What part of the turkey has the most feathers?

A. The outside

Leopard advancing
Leopard advancing | Source
Our toy poodle Ginger. I'm sure she coud outsmart a leopard.
Our toy poodle Ginger. I'm sure she coud outsmart a leopard. | Source
Leopard retreating
Leopard retreating | Source
Scheming monkey
Scheming monkey | Source

Did You Hear the One About the Poodle, the Leopard, and the Monkey?

A wealthy young lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her pet poodle alone for company. Early one morning while she is sleeping, the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, finds himself far away from the camp.

Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction. The poodle thinks, "Uh oh!"

Noticing some bones on the ground the poodle immediately settles down to chew on them with his back to the approaching big cat. Just as the leaopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Gee, that was one delicious leaopard. I wonder if there are any more close by?"

Hearing this the leopard halts his attack mid-strike, a look of terror spreading over his face, and he slinks away into the jungle. "Whew!" The leopard says to himself, "That was close. That poodle nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree. He figures he can put his knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard at great sped and figures something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up to the leopard, spills the beans about what he witnessed, and strikes up a deal. The leopard is furious about being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me rip that poodle to bits."

The poodle sees the leopard returning with the monkey riding on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" Instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to the attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them and waits until they approach close enough to hear.

"Where's that damn monkey?" The poodle says loudly, "I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

Q. Why do Indian men eat more rice then Irish men?

A. There are more Indian men than Irish men.

Source
Up to bat
Up to bat | Source

Diamonds in Heaven

Bob was visiting his best friend Harry, who had a terminal illness and didn't have long to go.

"If they play baseball in Heaven will you come back in spirit and tell me?" Bob asked.

Larry feebly nodded yes, and then passed away.

That night while Bob was sleeping, he heard Harry's voice in a dream, "Bob..."

"Harry? What is it?" Bob asked in his sleep.

"Well, I have both good and bad news from Heaven."

"What"s the good news?"

"There is baseball in Heaven after all," Harry reported. "But the bad news is that you are next up to bat on Tuesday."

Q. If it took twelve men eighteen hours to build a wall, how long would it take six men to build the same wall?

A. No time at all. It has already been built.

My son Trent getting aquainted with a crocodile, Thailand
My son Trent getting aquainted with a crocodile, Thailand | Source
New friends
New friends | Source

A Visit to the Zoo

A young man was leading his pet crocodile down the road when he passed a policeman, who said, "Now, now lad, I think you had better take that crocodile to the zoo." The young guy nodded and walked on.

The next day the young man was once again walking down the road with the alligator on a lead, when he passed the same policeman.

"Hey there my good fellow. I thought I told you yesterday to take that crocodile to the zoo?" The policeman queried.

The young man answered, "I did Officer. But today I'm taking him to the cinema."

Source
18 wheeler lumber truck
18 wheeler lumber truck | Source
Truck stop diner
Truck stop diner | Source
Source

The Trucker vs The Bikers

A truck driver pulled up at a truck stop for lunchand ordered a hamburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three tough looking bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's hamburger and took a huge bite from it. The second drank the trucker' coffee, and the third gobbled down his apple pie.

The truck driver didn't say a word as he stood up, paid the waitress, and left.

As the waitress approached the bikers to take their order, one of the bikers growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"

"He's not much of a driver either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."

Q. Ten men were in a boat on the river Nile. The boat turns over, and all men have to swim to shore, yet not a single man got wet ! Why?

A. Because there were no single men. They were all married.

Garden of Eden
Garden of Eden | Source
Eve
Eve | Source

Eve of Creation

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem Eve?" God asks in a booming voice.

"Lord, I know you created me and have provided this beautiful garden, all these wonderful animals, and that silly old snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that Eve?"

"Lord, I am sick of eating apples, and I'm lonely."

"Well Eve, in that case I'll create a companion for you. I will call him a man."

"What's a man, Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, a huge ego and the inability to empathise or listen to you properly."

"Will he have any good points?" Eve asked.

"Well, he'll be bigger, faster and stronger than you. He'll be good at fighting, hunting fleet-footed animals, and he'll be company and not bad in the sack." God says.

"Sounds great," Eve says with a hint of sarcasm.

"Yeah well, he'll be better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. You can have him on one condition."

"What's that Lord?"

"You have to let him believe that I created him first."

Source
Source
knock on wood
knock on wood | Source

Knock on Wood

Three elderly men were discussing the problems of ageing and memory. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself standing in front of the refrigerator with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich."

The second fellow chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing between the flights of stairs and I can't remember whether I was on my way up, or down."

The third old man responded, "Well guys, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," he said as he wrapped his knuckles on the table. Then a couple of seconds later, "Oh, that must be the door, I'll get it."

Big Buck Bunny

© 2015 John Hansen

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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 21 months ago from Olympia, WA

      You said we should feel free to laugh out lout, and that's exactly what I did.

      Happy Weekend, John!

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 21 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello John. This was the perfect read for a Saturday morning. No way to pick a favorite from your offered jokes.

      Now about your son and the crocodile, oh, never mind, you already know.... yikes.

      Enjoy your weekend. Now back to Laurel and Hardy.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 21 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hey Bill, so glad to hear you laughing. Hope you had a good time in Seattle city. You have a great weekend too.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 21 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Mike, thanks for reading. It's good you found these jokes funny and hope you enjoy Laurel and Hardy too. Have a good weekend.

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 21 months ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Groan, groan and groan, and laughs too! Thanks for the chuckles this morning.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 21 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Austinstar, I hope there were more laughs than groans.. :)

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 21 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Fantastic. Thanks for sharing some good humor. I hope I am not in the rotation up there.

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 21 months ago from Nibiru

      Thanks for the laughs....that poodle one though...poor monkey!

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 21 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Glad you got a smile from these Eric. Hopefully you won't be called up to bat for quite some time.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 21 months ago from Queensland Australia

      No problem Clive. glad you got a laugh at the monkey's expense :)

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 21 months ago from Southern Illinois

      I can't believe I watched the whole video, but I'm glad I did. I loved the facial expressions of the BIG bunny. I got a kick out of the jokes too. You have a brave son! Fun hub John..

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 21 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for taking the time to watch the whole video Ruby, glad you liked the jokes too. I'll tell Trent how brave he is too.

    • Chantelle Porter profile image

      Chantelle Porter 21 months ago from Chicago

      Quite the blast. I loved it.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 21 months ago from south Florida

      I watched that funny big bunny, too, though he did look more like a gorilla than a bunny. Loved your jokes and funnies and 'toons. My cup of tea, y'know. Thanks for the laughs.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 21 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you Chantelle, I appreciate you reading this hub.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 21 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hey drbj, glad you had fun with these jokes and stuff. I couldn't resist including the big bunny, thanks for taking the time to watch it.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 21 months ago from southern USA

      Hi John,

      Laughing out loud is good stuff, and thank you for sharing these funnies here. Laurel and Hardy are the best and you have brought back some classic fun from the past.

      "A joyful heart is good medicine."

      Wow, look at your son there ... so strong and brave ! Is he sure the croc wants to make friends : ) Your son looks just like you.

      Thank you for the smiles.

      Blessings

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 21 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hello Theresa, I think a good laugh is therapeutic especially if it comes from good clean humor. Many comedians these days, especially stand up resort to dirty jokes and using a lot of swear words. Maybe that is what appeals to audiences and sells tickets..people want to be shocked I guess, but I find that all becomes boring when everyone's doing it. Not sure if the croc wanted to be friends with my son, but the trainer was close by keeping his eye on things. Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 20 months ago from southern USA

      Great point, John, about the good clean humor, which proves it is not necessary to use vulgar language to get a good laugh out loud ...The overuse of profanity in comedy is growing weary as it is not creative nor refreshing, as is the good humor of yesteryear.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 20 months ago from Central Florida

      A few of these got an out loud chuckle out of me, John. Thanks for the laughs.

      Have you ever really paid attention to Laurel and Hardy? They're just downright mean to each other. I wonder how many bandaids and trips to the hospital resulted from filming? I sure hope they didn't have to do multiple takes!

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 20 months ago from london

      A great mix and some truly awesome ones. We do a circus every year at my spiritual Centre. Looks like I'll have to bring you over. We need more laughs. Truly awesome.

    • Marion Drury profile image

      Marion Drury 20 months ago from Sydney, Australia

      Thanks for the laughs. Always love a good joke and a chuckle.

    • Larry Rankin profile image

      Larry Rankin 20 months ago from Oklahoma

      Wonderfully creative and fun. Makes me want to get back to my humor series.

    • travmaj profile image

      travmaj 20 months ago from australia

      Thanks for the laughter John. A fun start to a wet cloudy Monday morning. Cheered me up no end.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 20 months ago from Orlando, FL

      Thanks for the fun!! :)

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      I agree totally Theresa, thanks.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Shauna, so glad that a few of these gave you a chuckle. Yes, Laurel and Hardy were quite cruel to each other, and the Three Sooges even more so. Violence and slap stick seemed to go hand in hand as a carry over from silent films, however I much preferred that to a lot of the crudity of today's comedy. Thanks for the great comment.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Marion, thanks for reading and it's always my pleasure to provide a few chuckles.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Larry, I look forward to more of your humor series. Your stuff is very original and funny.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Glad I was able to brighten your wet cloudy day Maj. Thanks for reading.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      You are most welcome Sunshine. Thanks for reading, and all the best.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 20 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      A good laugh indeed! Another well thought of hub from you.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for reading Devika, and glad you got a laugh from these jokes.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 20 months ago from The Caribbean

      Your Q&As cause as much laughter as the stories. It's difficult to choose the funniest. What a good all rounder you are, Jodah!

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi MsDora, glad you enjoyed this collection of funnies. Thanks again for your kind comments.

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 20 months ago from North Carolina

      John,

      I bet you are the life of any party. I am the world's worse at telling jokes. My 10 year old niece had great fun with me recently with the following joke - more like a riddle-that is having fun with play on words. One really must have it told to them for it to work. Anyway, this is what I heard:

      A farmer has 10 cows, 8 chickens

      How many chickens does he have left?

      Hoping you and yours are well,

      Kim

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hey Kim, thanks for reading this. I always have trouble remembering jokes unless I write them down. Once I have told them once I seem to remember them ok though. Thanks for the farmer joke. Reminds me of one: if a reptile collector had 20 sick snakes in a cage and 4 died, how many were left? It has to be read allowed so it sounds like 26, then if four died people would answer 22... When in fact the answer was 16 .. A bit silly I know. All good here, hope you are doing well too.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 20 months ago from Texas

      John, I know and love you humor. I was smiling and laughing and grinning from ear to ear.

      As I have said before "Laughter is the music of the soul"

      Blessings friend

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 20 months ago from North Carolina

      You are much quicker than I.

      : )Kim

    • shprd74 profile image

      Hari Prasad S 20 months ago from Bangalore

      Very nice. Some jokes are situational and from real life experiences and they create such a lasting experience.

      Children give new perspectives to our way of thinking, (adults), which defies our thought process and also helps us understand how children think.

      A child being attentive to every word spoken tries to understand what his parents are discussing, and make his own assessment of it.

      Some situations create amazing humor. I have created a fictional situation to show case the child’s intelligence and his attentiveness.

      Here it goes.

      A very common discussion in the course of time in any family life is birth and death of relatives.

      A close relative had died, and we were aware of the immediate relatives and their financial background and were discussing about it never assuming what's going to happen, while we were going to attend it.

      We reached for mourning and inquired about the cause of death etc. and unassumingly our 9 yr old also repeated the same questions after we finished.

      He got answers to all his questions, explaining how good the departed soul was and very helpful etc., and without hesitation he went ahead asked while my relative continued to cry inconsolably.

      "Aunty, how much money uncle had before he died?" shocked to hear it; aunty stopped crying for a second, but got her balance back to get shocked again.

      "Aunty, has he left anything for you. Do not cry if he has left money."

      - Hari

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Glad these jokes gave you a big smile Shyron. Thanks.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      :) Kim

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi shprd74, thanks for reading and sharing that story. Children don't take life as seriously as adults and often make light of these type of situations. Sometimes it can help us adults cope better with the difficult situations.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 20 months ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Great stuff John! May I suggest the Keystone Kops?:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1i1R4418Ys

    • BlossomSB profile image

      Bronwen Scott-Branagan 20 months ago from Victoria, Australia

      Loved it. It must have taken quite a while for your to set it all up, but from my point of view it was well worth it. I was just needing a good laugh.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Will, I am a true silent movie fan. Love Chaplin, Keaton and the Keystone Kops. I'll check out that You Tube clip.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Blossom, yes took awhile, but it all came together. Glad you got a laugh.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 20 months ago from SW England

      Great jokes, John. The poodle one reminds me of the story called 'The Gruffalo' where a mouse pretends he has a huge monster for a friend and fools a few animals - then the monster too! It's a great children's story - you might already know it.

      A little light-heartedness does us all good and laughter is a great healer.

      Thanks, John!

      Ann

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Ann, Yes I know the Gruffalo and the Gruffao's Son. Very popular children's stories. We all need a good laugh now and then. Thanks for reading.

    • Dana Tate profile image

      Dana Tate 20 months ago from LOS ANGELES

      I cracked up big time about how the poodle tricked the leopard and the monkey! I tell you that's one smart dog.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      :) yes Dana, I have two poodles an they are certainly very smart..thanks for reading and commenting.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 20 months ago from England

      LOL! thanks for the laughs! loved the poodle etc! funny stuff!

    • brakel2 profile image

      Audrey Selig 20 months ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

      Hi Jodah - You are a real comedian and have branched out into all avenues. I read this after the Black Dog story which shows your versatility. You made me laugh and made my day. Please write more of these funny ones to brighten our days. Sharing, Blessings, Audrey

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading Nell, yes you can't outsmart a poodle.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 20 months ago from USA

      I love the Eve joke.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Flourish, I knew someone would like the Eve joke :) Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 20 months ago from New York

      I can only agree wit everyone. This was a great way to start my Saturday. You don't really expect us to pick a favorite.

      I think Mike made a very good point...about your son and crocodile....

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Mary, no you don't need to have a favourite as long as you got a smile along the way. Glad you enjoyed this hub and my son Trent will get an ego boost from the comments.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 20 months ago from Stillwater, OK

      I liked the one with the leopard, the monkey and the poodle the best. I chuckled at a few more, too. Thanks, John!

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hey Deb, we all need a few chuckles now and then. Glad you liked that one in particular and thanks for the comment.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 20 months ago

      Funny and so much needed! I love the baseball joke! Thanks for the laughs.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hello Dianna, nice to see you got a good laugh out of these... Especially the baseball one.

    • Jennifer Mugrage profile image

      Jennifer Mugrage 20 months ago from Columbus, Ohio

      Thanks for these. Knock on wood was my fave.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Jennifer, thanks for reading. I liked knock on wood too.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 20 months ago from San Diego California

      Poodles are very smart and great tricksters. I used to have one. Great collection of chuckles. It's been a while since Ive seen Laurel and Hardy.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Mel, glad these gave you a chuckle. I hadn't seen Laurel and Hardy in awhile either. I still find them funny.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 20 months ago from Shelton

      lol, this was fantastic.. but you know the simplest... joke was the funniest to me.. what part of the turkey has the most feathers.. the outside.. stupid funny..:) awesome bro

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hey Frank....sometimes the simplest are the funniest I agree. Like Q.Why did the koala fall out of the tree? A. Because it was dead, or Q. Why can't Kevin ride a bike? A. because Kevin is a fish. I like silly too.

    • Chriswillman90 profile image

      Krzysztof Willman 20 months ago from Parlin, New Jersey

      What a nice treat to read on this Friday morning! The best humor is simple without the need to try too hard. Every joke was pleasant to read and full of taste that anyone around the world could enjoy. Excellent!

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      I am glad you enjoyed these Chris and thank you for that generous comment.

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