Kevin Trudeau: I Wanna Be Like Kevin Mark Trudeau
Kevin Trudeau: I Wanna Be Like Kevin Mark Trudeau
All hail Kevin Trudeau. We bow to the ultimate media pitchman. KT could sell Eskimos to ice. Mr. Trudeau rules the wee hours of cable TV. Wake up early any morning and pick any channel; Kevin Mark Trudeau will be hawking books, tapes, books on tape, asbestos underwear, and blankets with arm-holes for hamsters. How he ever finds time to sleep remains a mystery.
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Kevin Trudeau at the Grocery Store
Cashier: One bottle of Just for Men...
Scanner: beep
Cashier: That will be $4.97, sir. Cash or credit?
KT: Did you know that credit cards are an interplanetary plot started by the Bilderbergers? It's all explained in my 42nd book... which I'm giving away for free, today only.
Cashier: Ummm... I'm going on my break now.
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Kevin Trudeau at the Rodeo
KT: This rodeo reminds me of how the government offers so many free giveaways.
Rodeo Clown: Is there a program for me too?
KT: Of course. There's an entire chapter in my new book dedicated to government programs for rodeo clowns. And I'm giving it away for free.
Guy Selling Popcorn: Ummm.. I'm going on my break now.
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Kevin Trudeau at the Dentist
Unfortunate Dentist: Well, Mr. Trudeau, how are we feeling today?
KT: I feel sad for all the people in your waiting room who are unaware of the Top 10 things they can do to improve their credit rating.
UD: That's nice. Open wide and take a deep breath of this gas...
KT: Did you know that chapter 2 of my newest book describes a natural alternative to nitrous oxide?
UD: Tell me if this hurts...
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Kevin Trudeau at His Wedding
Minister: Do you take this man for better and for worse?
Bride: I ---
KT: Before you answer, keep in mind that anyone who marries me not only gets a mate for life, but also a free copy of my latest podcast: "42 things the pharmaceutical industry says about you behind your back."
Bride: Please tell me about your money back guarantee.
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Kevin Trudeau Moonlights at WalMart
KT: Welcome to WalMart. My books are in aisle 3.
Unfortunate Customer: Are those your conspiracy books?
KT: No, those are in aisles 7 through 9. My tapes are in aisle 4 and my signature spaghetti sauce is in the refrigerated section.
UC: Do you have any of those blankets with arm-holes for hamsters?
KT: The government forced me to stop selling them because they were propping up international rodent blanket conglomerates. It's a secret cabal that you can read about in my 3rd most recent book - if the FTC hasn't burned all of them yet.
UC: There's a K-Mart next door, right?
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