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Kevin Trudeau: What if Kevin Trudeau was a Stand-up Comedian?

Updated on May 6, 2011

Kevin Trudeau: What if Kevin Trudeau was a Stand-up Comedian?

Kevin Mark Trudeau dominates the television infomercial genre. He climbed to the top of the Free Stuff bandwagon and he gazes down lovingly at all of us. He's obviously looking for new worlds to conquer.

What if Kevin Trudeau was a stand-up comedian? Would he get his own HBO special or would he be relegated to open-mike nights at comedy clubs in Kokomo? We can only speculate. Actually, we can only speculate rather badly.

Welcome to Comedy Night at the Laffing Beanery

Hi, I'm Kevin Trudeau. Thanks for coming!

A conspiracy theorist walks into a bar. Or does he?

A man told me he had not tasted food in a week. I gave him chapter 23 of my new book "Free Government Food They don't Want You to Know About."

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the pharmaceutical industry wanted to pump him full of antibiotics and growth hormones!

Why did the pig cross the road? To get to the free credit report on the other side!

Why did the farmer cross the road? Because the pig and the chicken opened a small business with a government loan that they learned about from my new book!

How many FCC lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Two - one to change the bulb and one to sue me for revealing natural remedies and cures they don't want you to know about!

A neutron walks into a book store. "I'd like a copy of Kevin Trudeau's wonderful new book" he says.The cashier hands him the book. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the cashier, "no charge."

A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve food here." The ham sandwich says "You'd serve me if I was a copy of Kevin Trudeau's latest book." "Well, yes", says the bartender, "but we'd all want to read you first because you would be jammed with extremely helpful information that they don't want us to know about."

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: Can he still read my bestselling book about the pharmaceutical industry with his other eye?

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted. The other was recognized as a member of the Brotherhood.

Three traveling salesmen, 6 clowns, a horse, and an atom walk into a bar. The horse picks up the tab because he watched my "Free Money for Real" infomercial.

Thank you! I'm here all week! Try the veal and be sure to tip your waitress! She pays up to 1/2 of her income in taxes because she hasn't read my latest book!


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    • profile image

      Tont the writer 7 years ago

      send for surgeon, i've split my sides laughing.

    • dallas93444 profile image

      Dallas W Thompson 7 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

      Here........................s Kevin! Funny hub. Enjoyed.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 7 years ago

      I don't know about Kevin, but you are amazingly funny. Thanks for putting me in a great mood. Thumbs up!

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @drbj : Not as far as you know. ;)

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @msorensson: Thank you.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      nicomp - are you telling me that Kevin Trudeau is NOT a stand-up comedian?

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      Well done!!! I love it!!