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I'm Surprised We Don't Take Them out Back and Shoot Them - a Satiric View of Old Age.

Updated on April 20, 2022
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Linda Hahn is an excellent writer and a passable researcher! She has a blog, too!

Blogs For Cats

My Cat Tigey
My Cat Tigey | Source

Middleaged Angst

Following is a satire on age. Don't take it personally.

Having been recently slammed over my advanced age of 53, I turn softly, and softly I reply - Get the hell out of my face, kid! The venom in the tone of the Berkeley kid was unmistakable. Apparently he didn't like something I wrote; but he didn't attack my words, he attacked me and my age. And my picture! I was brought up to not be so rude. I suppose there was a time when I was judgmental about everything and anything, but my God I couldn't have been as bad as holier than thou Berkeley, where the ivory towers protect the sensitive delicates from the dirty ugly real world, and where righteousness sparkles in the sun.

Truly I've always been amazed that the elderly aren't taken out and shot, especially in the United States, where youth is worshiped and there is no time for anything that's not moving at top speed. Let's look at the cost effectiveness aspect. We can have all their food, possessions, and money once they are effectively out of the way. I can hear the wheels clicking all over the world as the pennies are counted and I'm forced to realize for the first time that it might be a good thing that the ruling party isn't overly young.

Times are hard, so getting rid of all this deadweight just leaves more for everyone else. That is a benefit. Also that's the way the world is today. I was taught by my parents to share; but today the grabbiest get all the gravy. Honesty is still taught to the tiny tots, but let's be truthful, honesty is laughable in our modern culture. To get ahead you have to be merciless. You walk on people, claw and scratch, and kick your own mother if that's what it takes.

Also the knowledge thing is another consideration. Only the young computer kids have true knowledge and they know it. I have to wonder, though, about the tabula rasa aspect. To put anything on a blank slate calls for a deeper understanding. It is true that the young can find out anything they need to know by means of research, of course they can.. Too bad they don't have the sense to use it in conjunction with experience and thoughtfulness, maybe even respect.

I was taught to be respectful to other people, not only my elders, but everyone. My greatest comfort is in knowing that the little bastard who slammed me will be old and decrepit some day. I don't even have to wish it on him. I hope he thinks of me every once in a while when he's crotcheting around and bumping into every little thing. And I hope he thinks of me when he realizes that he is the oldest person in the room and that they're probably going to turn on him.

Lord! We can't eat them, too tough and stringy.

Kill him where he stands.

We'll standardize the process, no doubt. We'll assembly line it. When's your birthday? Get in line.

I jest. This message is just to say I am joking and I love oldsters. I am an oldster, I'm in Stage 1, maybe Stage 2. Later I will be going into these Stages in more detail.

Ok then.

Ok then, indeed, my 67th birthday is coming up next week, so I'd have to say it's been a while since I wrote this. And I'd have to say I'm coming up on Stage 3 next week. Thank the goddess that there are five Stages!

Haul ass, buddy.

We gotta whole lotta bodies to get rid of before dark.

I can see it all now, piles and piles of olderlies and they're still the hell in the way!

One More Thing. . . .

We’re a couple of generations in now on alternative lifestyle, so our culture has already adopted and adapted those specs into their own lives, whether it passes Berkeley standards or not. Berkeley be advised - I’m not fitting into your square pegs any more than I fit into mainstream society’s square pegs. I am Everyman and yoga is mine as well as it is the Berkeleyites. (Apologies to Hindus) Also pretty sure yoga prefers hanging with me as I am much more fun, liberal, relaxed, accepting, just plain damn nicer.

Although I have always liked kids, my irritation was thoroughly roused this time. Obviously it’s not the first time they’ve irritated hell out of me. But I wouldn’t want to be young again. That’s not why I’m so pissy. It’s the damned rudeness. Have to try and remember how idealistic I once was and I thank God I’ve learned flexibility. Now I’m happy and plan to continue living my life as a free spirit and eventually growing into a character, and finally when I damned well feel like it becoming a feisty old lady. And I will be carrying a cane and I will be poking at people with it.

FYI! It’s Restorative Yoga that got me started, jackass, and I assume that is generally the case. Back pain, anxiety, depression, many are the reasons to seek, to grow. A life changing technique, an exercise, and no damnable religion on the side, thank you. I have my own spirituality, carefully evolved after decades of work and thought. And I am happy for the blessing that is yoga. I’ll continue highly recommending yoga, as an exercise, and as I see fit.

Cats who rule my world - Trouble

My Cat Trouble
My Cat Trouble | Source

My little buddies allow me to serve them, at their leisure.

A Few Of My Links - All About Me & Other People Too

Two Cats And A Turtle - But Not Mine

In Thought We Trust

In the intervening years, I've given more thought to this subject, and it weighs heavily with me. It's a tough thing getting old. It's no game for the faint of heart.

Thanks for looking at photos of my pets while you peruse the page. Most recently I have 2 cats and one turtle!

Thanks again for looking at the photos. Tigey and Trouble have both passed on, but I still have Nancy the turtle, Momo the white cat, little Gracie, and Lucy the chihuahua! May the Goddess keep them all safe and sound.

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2009 Linda Hahn


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