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Knock-Knock. Who's There? A Hub With Knock-Knock Jokes!

Updated on May 22, 2012
A rule to remember if you try to use a knock-knock joke on me, because that's how long my arms are.
A rule to remember if you try to use a knock-knock joke on me, because that's how long my arms are.

A hub with knock-knock jokes who?

I’m not a big fan of knock-knock jokes. Not only do most of them not make any sense and defy some sort of grammatical rule, but I fail to see the relevance of asking someone ‘who’s there?’ when I’m staring right at them. The next time someone says ‘Knock-knock’ to me, I’m just going to punch them, and then apologize and say I thought they were a burglar. Home invasions aren’t a funny matter, and they should know that. Maybe I'm just sensitive, but I’m not the only one who doesn’t like knock-knock jokes. France doesn’t like them. The last knock-knock joke that France heard was back in 1940, and it went a little something like this. Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Germany. Needless to say, France didn’t find it very funny. I must admit, I do use them on occasion, but only as a joke. Yes, I use a joke as a joke, as in making fun of the fact that it’s a joke. One I put on Facebook was “Knock-knock. Who’s there? Oh, it’s me. I’m so stupid.” And then someone commented, and said, “Oh, it’s me, I’m so stupid who?” So here are some knock-knock jokes that I came up with, and in no way does that suggest I condone their usage. Any similarities between jokes, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Jesus wasn't condoning knock-knock jokes when he said, "Knock and it shall be answered."
Jesus wasn't condoning knock-knock jokes when he said, "Knock and it shall be answered."
Why'd they even make the door if they didn't want it used?  But maybe this is actually healthy advice.  No one wants to hear: Knock-knock. "Who's there?" AIDS.
Why'd they even make the door if they didn't want it used? But maybe this is actually healthy advice. No one wants to hear: Knock-knock. "Who's there?" AIDS.
Knock-knock. "Who's there?" A cat. "That's why you're outside. Scram." (I don't like cats, especially ones that use knock-knock jokes.)
Knock-knock. "Who's there?" A cat. "That's why you're outside. Scram." (I don't like cats, especially ones that use knock-knock jokes.)
Knock-knock. "Who's there?" Your neighbor. Keep the noise down, I'm trying to hibernate.
Knock-knock. "Who's there?" Your neighbor. Keep the noise down, I'm trying to hibernate.
SWAT doesn't use knock-knock jokes. They just bust in and then you KNOW who's there.
SWAT doesn't use knock-knock jokes. They just bust in and then you KNOW who's there.
Hear no knock-knock jokes, see no knock-knock jokes, speak no knock-knock jokes. Monkeys are cute. And so wise.
Hear no knock-knock jokes, see no knock-knock jokes, speak no knock-knock jokes. Monkeys are cute. And so wise.
Knock-knock. "Who's there?" I'm replying to your 'missing cat' poster. You said there's a reward? I brought the cat with me...
Knock-knock. "Who's there?" I'm replying to your 'missing cat' poster. You said there's a reward? I brought the cat with me...

Who's on first?

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” A dog. “A dog who?” A dog who can apparently talk.

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Boo! “Boo who?” Don’t cry, I was just trying to scare you.

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Batman. “Batman who?” The Batman. I’m here for the superhero party. “Oh, come on in.”

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Robin. “Robin who?” You know, Robin. “Robin who?” You must know who I am. “You’re not on the list.” But--- “Go away.”

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” I’m here with Batman. “I’m here with Batman who?” You know, the Batman. Is he in there? Batman! It’s me, Robin! They won’t let me inside. Tell them you know me. What? What do you mean ‘Robin who?’ It’s me, your sidekick. What? Where are you going? Why are you---holy stab in the back, Batman! He’s just playing. “Security…”

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” The little boy. “The little boy who?” The little boy who cried wolf. There’s really a wolf this time.

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Darth Vader. “Darth Vader who?” I am your father. “Daddy!”

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Yoda, I am. “Yoda, I am who?” A very confused person, you are. Very lost, you must be.

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” A wolf. “A wolf who?” A wolf who’s trying to blow down your house. What’d you make this thing out of, brick? Let me in.

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” St-St-Stanley. “St-St-Stanley who?” Are you making fun of my st-st-stutter?

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Arbys. “Arbys who?” Arbys paid for their honey, or Arbys just our slaves?

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Hardees. “Hardees who?” Hardees knock-knock jokes stupid or what?

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” What, when, where, why, how. “What, when, where, why, how who?” Oh, yes. What, when, where, why, how, and who.

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” I think the better question is what’s there. “I think the better question is what’s there who?” But that question doesn’t make any sense…

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” To be or not to be? “To be or not to be who?” That is not the question.

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Jimmy. “Jimmy who?” I love you. “What?” We should move in together. “I don’t know who you are, but you need to leave.”

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Duties. “Duties who?” Duties pants make my butt look big?

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Abracadabra! “Abracadabra who?” You were supposed to turn into a toad. It usually works.

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Jimmy. “I’m going to call the cops.” I love you. “Quit stalking me.”

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Help! There’s a werewolf chasing me! “Help, there’s a werewolf chasing me who?” This isn’t a joke, I’m serious. “This isn’t a joke, I’m serious who?” Are you for real? Open the door! It’s coming! “Are you for real, open the door, it’s coming who?” (screaming) “Uh, AHHHHHH who?”

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” A werewolf. “A werewolf who?” A werewolf who’s still hungry. Let me in.

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” James. “James who?” Just James. “Your voice sounds familiar…” I love you. “Jimmy? That’s it, I’m calling the cops.”

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Highlander. “Highlander who?” How many Highlanders do you know? There can be only one.

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Doctor. “Doctor who?” No, Dr. Who isn’t real. I’m Dr. Wang and I’m here to check your prostate.

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” A gorilla. “Holy crap, a talking gorilla!”

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” Pizza. “Holy crap, a talking pizza!” No, idiot. Did you order a pizza?

Knock-knock. “Who’s there?” You are now my robot, and at the sound of my voice, you will obey my every command and repeat everything I say whilst adding a ‘who’ at the end of your sentences. “You are now my robot, and at the sound of my voice, you will obey my every command and repeat everything I say whilst adding a ‘who’ at the end of your sentences who?” Good, good. Now go and destroy half of the city, my faithful robot.

Okay, that's enough.

So those are my knock-knock jokes. I know most of them don’t follow the exact guidelines for an acceptable knock-knock joke, but no knock-knock joke is acceptable in my mind. Sorry if I offended any knock-knock joke enthusiasts.

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