ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Madonna To Claim Rightful Place As Undead Sex Goddess

Updated on October 12, 2009

Claiming another soul...

Since the 1980's Madonna has reigned as one of pop's sex icons. As she has aged she has demonstrated a certain reluctance to acknowledge the proper order of things, such as the fact that she too is subject to the laws of space, time, and gravity. Other 80's sex icons, such as Victoria Principal, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Brooke Shields, and so many more, have all aged gracefully and, in keeping with the great circle of life, have begun to flog products on various infomercials, but Madonna has yet to endorse any poorly conceive beauty products, flawed exercise machines, or dangerously healthy diet options.

Pundits have been speculating for some time now as to when Madonna may actually retire, but a recent announcement has revealed that Madonna plans to keep making sexy music for quite some time yet, in fact, according to Madonna's people, not even the grave is going to stop her from being one sexy mama!

"Madge intends to consult with the Olsen twins and discover the secrets which have allowed them to continue to exist amongst the living in spite of the fact that they are quite obviously undead." A spokesman carrying a small baby goat and a sharp scimitar like knife confided on his way to what he described as being a 'business meeting'.

"Plastic surgery has kept her looking young, but we're working really hard on ideas to keep her animated after her earthly spirit moves on." An enthusiastic scientist told this reporter. "Also I need to get that box of replacement joints out ASAP, I've warned her a hundred times -if she does any more of those leg splitting moves, she runs the real risk of her legs falling off completely!"

"We're looking into the Vampire option, it works quite well with the life of a pop star anyway, and Madonna has enough contacts in poor African countries to keep her fed for several millenia. Plus there are the dramatic fashion options, and the chance to draw a whole new crowd to her shows. She's always been famous for her ability to reinvent herself, becoming an unholy creature of the night might just be the next step for her." We overheard a publicist wheezing into an iPhone during a Swedish massage.

"I've been trying to get Death's people to call our people, but they're really playing hardball on this one." Madge's lawyer commented over a free lunch at an undisclosed swanky restaurant. "To be honest, I've got some serious doubts that these guys are even aware of the regulations we have surrounding this sort of issue. If they don't watch out, Death could be facing a serious class action suit.... Are you going to finish those prawns?"


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)