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Me and Christian

Updated on April 15, 2019

From this hub you will learn a new and rather interesting pastime that you can practise with your friends if you actually get to the end of it - the only utensils you'll need are a a bottle of water and a roller coaster. The bottle of water can be found in any decent supermarket and the roller coaster in any decent theme park.

Christian was one of my best gay friends when I was working at Disneyland in Paris - what I mean is, I think he was gay -I suppose kissing another boy at the Disney annual staff party might put him into that category but anyway, that wasn't important - he and I were too busy having fun to talk about these things.

As Christian and I worked together on the ice-cream carts, when our shift had finished we would break out into the park and go on all the rides together.

Now, prick your ears up here, because this is something you can try at home - all you need to do is get hold of the Thunder Mountain roller coaster and get out that bottle of water I told you about before. Christian and I were strapped into the roller coaster and just as the attendents were standing back, waiting for it to set off I was taking a sip from my bottle of water.

"I wonder what would happen if I didn't put the top back on?" I said to Christian.

It was quite an innocent remark - I don't think I really meant to try it, although I was, without thinking, holding the bottle over his lap in preparation for departure. In all truth my interest in leaving the top off the bottle was purely scientific - I genuinely wanted to see whether the water stayed in there or not. But as the Thunder Mountain train screeched off the experiment backfired onto the researcher as Christian, quick as a flash, grabbed my water bottle and held it firmly above my lap. I did try to fight him off, but you probably know how it is when you're reduced to a blubbering wreck by an invasion of laughter - it really is infuriating because your opponent can unfairly defeat you through rendering you powerless. Although Christian had also been immobilised by laughter paralysis, I have to admit that he was the stronger opponent or maybe just the luckier one because his arm had frozen holding the water bottle right over my trousers and stayed that way throughout the entire ride on Thunder Mountain. I was in no state to fight back because my own limbs had been reduced to the effectiveness of flubbery jelly.

Well, my scientific curiosity was satisfied because the water didn't stay in the bottle and as the ride finished and the train drew into base the proof was shown in the wet patches on my jeans which unfortunately looked rather incriminating.

"She gets scared on these fast rides," Christian explained to the attendents as they eyed me suspiciously at the exit - I couldn't do anything to defend myself as I was still under the debilitating effects of laughter paralysis.

Yes, I know it's one of those classic 'you had to be there' moments and I'm afraid my humble writing skills can't do it justice but it just wanted to come out and there it is. Relatively short and painless though - which is more than I can say for that roller coaster ride. Whatever happened to Christian, I don't know - I sometimes wonder about him. I can honestly say we had a roller coaster of a time together (groan). I can also say he's the only person who made me wet my trousers from laughing.


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