Mobsters Do Not Ride in Small Cars

Another Writer’s Note: there are a few brand names of cars and films in this hub, but they are NOT intended to be used as a commercial endorsement. They are not promoted to be sold, bought, or used in any way for personal lucrative means. The brand names are just for editorial uses. Thanks, Kenneth.

Just Letting You Know That

I love the Mob. In fact, I would be prouder than punch to have lunch with any member of the Mob and go to Fifth Avenue, New York City on any day and time. Then show other patrons what chowing-down really meant. Then I would pick-up the check. Not because I fear these men, but because I find that the former mobsters carried a lot of swagger and influence with them. You did not have to ask them who they were. You just knew it. I have never met one of these “guys,” but if I ever do, I will exercise a lot of humility toward them and their national origin. And I hope that they do the same with me.

Fact is, I am 66 years young, and I have either read many stories, essays, and narratives about the Mob and top that off, I have watched GoodFellas at least nine times. I am here to tell you that you cannot beat the acting talents of Ray Liota, Joe Pesci and Robert De Niro. And if this doesn’t convince you that I appreciate “guys” like this, I have viewed Al Pacino, Marlon Brando, and a host of talented men who can act like a mobster in Godfather I, II, and III, and each time I watched these films, cold chills ran up and down my spine. I can say that these guys who made the Godfather knew how to act as well as Liota, Pesci, and De Niro who filmed GoodFellas.

In every film, no matter the cast or script, we all have seen vast amounts of guns, errr, I mean firearms from pistols to rifles, not to hurt anyone, but for self-defense. And in GoodFellas like Godfather, the men of both films surely had a lot of meetings at various times of the day and night—plus they all had incurable appetites for Italian food. In not one film did I witness these guys ever go through a drive-thru and order a jumbo cheeseburger, onion rings and a chocolate shake. No, sir. These guys were all about class. And being debonair. None of these guys knew about wearing jeans or flannel shirts. They depended on specially-designed suits, shirts, pants and shoes. I was always impressed at how the guys ate, talked, walked, connected with people, and “dressed to the nines” everywhere they went.

has been a sense of curiosity for me for several days. Although I know that I will never unravel this mystery of why mobsters never ride in small cars, still bears people (who are reading this piece) to start a conversation among other patrons of their local coffee house. The topic does beat talking about politics or religion don’t you think? And it does not require any manual labor to engage people who are involved in this conversation.

Simply ask the patrons (in a soft voice), why do you think that TV’s Mobsters on blockbuster films never drive or ride in small cars? You could, with no trouble, start a firestorm of opinions, ideas, and things that should not be said in public, especially inside a neighborhood coffee house. The topic, like I have started, is sensitive and yet so obviously-comical if you are in a state of mind to not go off the pier and just chill. That’s it. There is no reason at all why the subject of Mobsters not being driven in small cars should be a point of danger or fear that subjects like this one can generate.

But it is finny. At least it is to me. And I would like to point out (in my opinion) why wealthy, powerful Mobsters do not ride in chauffeur-driven small cars. Don’t worry. No harm will come to you if you read this piece. And please know comfortably that I will not snitch on you.

• Mobsters Riding in Small Cars – is purely and simply an insult to the mobster. No matter if the mobster is man or woman. It is insulting. Think about it on these lines. You take an average mobster somewhere in some municipality and work their butt off day and night—never complaining and doing exactly what is expected of him. Bam! Zoom! The hard-working man is promoted. His position is one of power. The underlings who work for him instantly-respect him. Now comes the rub. If you were this hard-working guy and felt a need to be taken to attend a big meeting somewhere in the city, and when a Chevy Cavalier, driven by a chauffeur named “Clark,” gets out, opens the man’s door and so on and on. If you were the newly-appointed mobster and just witnessed the red Cavalier you would be livid, and insulted. This reason one: being insulted.

• The Size Does Matter – of the car that a successful mobster rides in. It is also bit of subliminal signaling given off by the mobster to the onlookers standing on the sidewalk, but if the mobster goes by in a Ford Pinto, so what? He is just another office worker or a man who is very sick and his buddy has volunteered to drive him to the doctor. Now do you understand? With a Pinto the mobster does not have the respect of those around him. They might as well laugh at him behind his back. But if he were riding in a long, black Mercedes, these same yokels would sit-up and take notice because of instant-respect.

• Pure Pride is Dictated – by this guy’s peers who all drive long black or silver limousines. Every one of them are objects of power. Not this mobster. He tells people that he wants to save gas and be unnoticed at the same time. These are valid points, but when he gets out of his Toyota, well, I will not repeat what those around him will do as he walks to his meeting.

• To See a Mobster – pull into a parking lot and see him, not his chauffeur, get out of a Yugo, try to stretch because he became cramped from riding in this “cracker box,” and then try to impress whomever he is meeting to do some “business.” Fact is the only “business” Mr. Mobster will do is trying to control his temper because of the loud laughter that he has caused by him and the Yugo.

• Practical Thinking – tells us that there are two schools of thought here. Mobsters are NOT poor guys. They have scratch in the bank and in their pocket. And no self-respecting Mobster will even be seen in a small car! (e.g. the among the first scenes of GoodFellas, the mobsters are all meeting at a taxi stand to talk over things. But did you see every car that they arrive in? Big Caddy’s, long limo’s, cars that give the signal “I am important. Do not try and take advantage of me.)

what “is” the Absolute Worst and Most Embarrassing Sight – about a Mobster riding in a small car is . . .have pity on “this” Mobster because he has hit on rough times. His deals have all went bust. Even his crew quit him for not paying them. In short, he is all but out of business. So when he gets to where he is going, the only car that he could afford is a 1977 Chevette that is almost rusted-out, the engine smokes more than Cheech and Chong and hardly runs. The poor Mobster simply drops his head and gives up.

Now do you see why Mobsters Riding in Small Cars is an event that will NEVER be seen?

December 23,2019_________________________________________________