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More Jokes for you!

Updated on June 1, 2013

MY JOKES ARE SO FUNNY EVEN THIS DOG IS LAUGHING!

Special thanks for  BrianNorcross, who was gracious enough to let us use this picture!
Special thanks for BrianNorcross, who was gracious enough to let us use this picture! | Source

HAVE A GOOD LAUGH TODAY!

My last hub on laughter was such a good success that I decided to write another one. Laughter is good medicine, so relax! My prayer is that these jokes will uplift you and make your day better.

WHO'S GOING DEAF?

A man in his 50's talked to his doctor. " Doc, I am concerned about my wife. Everytime I talk to her, she doesn't seem to be hearing me;" The doctor, concerned, gave him this advice. "Try this experiment. Stand five feet next to her and ask her what's for dinner in your normal voice. Then if that doesn't work, stand two feet and ask her the same question. If that, still, doesn't work, then stand 6 inches from where she is. If after all that, she doesn't respond, she's going deaf. Have her make an appointment to see me!" The man, concerned, thanked the doctor and proceeded to do his experiment.

Five o'clock came and the man stood next to his wife as the doctor ordered. "Honey, what's for dinner?" No response. Then he stood two feet and asked the same question-- No response. Finally, running out of patience, he asked the same question again with his frustration showing in his voice, visibly disturbed. His wife, turned around and said-"For the third time, I told you rice with pork and beans!"

Image courtesy of [image creator name] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image courtesy of [image creator name] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A PREACHER'S DILEMMA!

A Preacher had some dentures fitted on a Wednesday morning. Sunday morning came and he preached for 10 minutes. The next Sunday, he preached for 20 minutes. Then, finally, on the other Sunday, he preached for an hour and a half. When his deacons asked him why did he preached so long, he said- "On the 1st Sunday, my gums were hurting me!" On the 2nd Sunday, my dentures were hurting me. On the third Sunday, I, accidentally, grabbed my wife's dentures and couldn't stop talking!"




THE CASE OF THE BORING PASTOR!

One beautiful Sunday morning, an elderly lady came to the local church. Since she limped and walked with a cane, a friendly deacon came to help her. "Welcome to our church! Where do you want to sit at?" The lady answered-"The front row, please!" The deacon, trying to be discreet, whispered to her ear- You might reconsider where you sit. He's pretty boring!" The lady, shocked, asked him-"Do you know who I am?" The deacon responded--"No!" " I am the Pastor's mother!"--said the Lady. The deacon, responded-"Do you know who I am?" "No!"-responded the elderly lady. "GOOD!" --said the deacon.


WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE....

Three Pastors were staying in a hotel room, where they were attending a big church convention. They decided to confess their secret sins to one another. The first one said that he had a problem with gambling. Every so often, I go to Vegas and I like to bet on the slot machines. Those sounds fascinate me with all that money rolling around. The other Pastor said that he likes to check out the nice young ladies at his church. The other one said-"My weakness is gossiping and I can't wait to get out of this room and tell others what I heard!"

WALKING ON WATER!

Two Pastors and a deacon were on a boat sailing. They had been all day trying to catch some fish. The first Pastor said-" I'm going to grab a sandwich!"---he got out of the boat, walked on water all the way to shore. The deacon,not believing his eyes, was amazed. The other Pastor said-" I'm going to get a soda"--Got out of the boat, walked on water to shore. Shocked, the deacon rubbed his eyes and tried to make sense of the situation. Finally, he decided to give it a shot and splash. The deacon, all wet, proceeded to swim ashore. The Pastor tells his friend--"You reckon we should have told him where the pebbles were at?"

Image courtesy of [image creator name] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image courtesy of [image creator name] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Oh, no!

Three guys named RIck, Sam and Harold shared a room in a nice 600 story hotel. As they came from a traveling convention, the elevator was out of order. They proceeded to go up the stairs making their way up to the 600th floor, where their room was located. "Let's make this entertaining;" said Rick as he walked up the stairs. "For the next 200 floors, I will share some jokes, Sam will, also, share with us some happy stories on the next 200 and Harold will wind up telling us sad stories for the last 200;" added Rick.

Everyone thought it was a great idea, so they proceeded to share stories. When they reached the 400th floor, it was Harold's turn. Breaking a sweat, the men tried to remain positive and encouraged Harold. "Well, huh. I'll start my sad story by saying I forgot the keys to our room and left it downstairs;" replied Harold.


Thought for the day-----

What goes up, but never goes down? Your age!

Comments

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    • profile image

      Brian Norcross 

      6 years ago

      I knew that photo had a place somewhere! Nicely done! Love the jokes too!

    • dilipchandra12 profile image

      Dilip Chandra 

      6 years ago from India

      Lolz... Awesome jokes. I like that Three Pastors confessing their secret sins to one another.. hahaha

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