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More Pop Questions Answered
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
I am a simple person and I have a simple question. Should I stay or should I go?
Your question may seem a simple choice between two opposites, but it is not a dichotomy that should be rushed at like a mad bull with a chilli rammed up its rectum or a terrier that goes a bit bonkers every now and then. Problems such as yours need careful consideration. The first thing to do is make a nice cup of tea. Tea is another subject that is full of challenges, contradictions and decisions, important considerations such as strength, tea/milk ratio, length of brew, etc. See the video below for instructions.
When you have made your nice cup of tea, you can sit down and consider. To stay is to preserve the status quo. Obviously, you have been ruminating at some length about the stay/go situation, or you wouldn't have written to me. If this was ideal, you wouldn't be asking the question, would you? So the solution is to go. But finish your tea first. Help yourself to a biscuit, please.
Nice Cup of Tea
Is That All There Is?
Is that all there is? I thought I ordered more. Is it just my imagination?
Norma Deloris Egstrom
How much did you want? How much did you expect? The form was quite clear. We have been using this method for many years and no customer has ever felt misled by our ordering system. So, without wishing to cause offence, you must have imagined that there would be more. Your disappointment is not our fault, although we do sympathise.We do understand that you were disappointed with the circus, the burning building and that your expectations of love exceeded reality, but I must state again that we can in no way be held responsible.
I/we hope this is clear.
Can You Feel It?
I can't feel it. Can you feel it?
Yes, I can feel it. I suspect that you are wearing industrial-strength gloves, which would make feeling anything difficult. Switch to rubber or latex gloves.
How Deep Is Your Love?
Is there a reliable method for testing scientifically the depth of my love, that of my partner and our pets?
I see you have come to me on a summer breeze.Often, a problem can be more easily solved by turning it on its head or, in your case, turning it on its side. Now you can easily measure the depth of your love, or anybody else's, by running alongside it until it runs out, then measuring the distance you have run by using one of those silly mini-computers that joggers wear on their wrists. Although what good this will do you, nobody knows. We are living in a world of fools.
Why Don't We Do It In The Road?
As a cyclist, I am tired of dodging pedestrians as I cycle along the pavement. Why don't we do it in the road?
Roads are for motor vehicles. Never attempt to cycle in the road or you will be mowed down instantly by an insane motorist. They are trained to aim at cyclists and destroy what they see as an enemy. Instead, continue to cycle along the pavement and mow down pedestrians, especially children. Only this way can we all live in peace.
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
Who wants to be a millionaire? I don't. Who wants to journey on a gigantic yacht? Do I want a yacht? Oh, how I do not.
What about a nice cup of tea? I know you shouldn't answer a question with a question, but, well, tea is tea.
Where Did Our Love Go?
I'm always losing things. What medication would you recommend to help me focus. The other day, I lost our love. You'll never believe it – it was in the fridge! I'm mad, me.
I wonder if this is just a sign of getting older, or if you really cared about our love, which is why you forgot where you had left it. Medication is not the answer. Instead, get one of those handy little keyring things where you whistle and it beeps. Attach this to our love and you will never be without it. Also, your whistling will improve and you could whistle at parties to entertain children. And animals.
What Becomes of the Brokenhearted?
Have any other readers noticed the lack of brokenhearted in the streets of our towns these days? There was a time when they were everywhere. What became of them? If I get myself a brokenhearted, what will become of it?
Mr Spock from Star Trek
Dear Mr Spock,
I hear what you are saying. It's a sign of our times that there are hardly any brokenhearted about. Government initiatives to tidy the streets ready for an invasion from aliens and clear away these weeping, self-pitying saddos saw them forcibly taken to government Homes for the Brokenhearted, where they can spend all day sobbing over photos of lost loves.
Is This The Way To Amarillo?
I think my map is upside down, or maybe I have started from the wrong place. Any idea?
I hope I can help you with your search. When you ask if this is the way to Amarlillo, the answer will always be 'yes'. Because, just as all roads lead to Rome, so they all also lead to Amarillo, and just about anywhere else on the planet. Of course, this may lead to unnecessary detours across other continents, but it is better to travel than to arrive.
I didn't say anything.