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Mr. Sticky Gets Lost

Updated on June 11, 2009

Once upon a time there was a man named Mr. Sticky. People didn't call him Mr. Sticky because he was sticky, but because he was as skinny as a stick. Mr. Sticky didn't mind. He liked the name Mr. Sticky. It made him happy that people called him anything. That's how nice of a guy Mr. Sticky was.  And remember, you can click on Mr. Sticky's pictures to make them larger.

Mr. Sticky lived in a cottage with a thatched roof out in the countryside. He was very proud of his house. He liked to have people visit him in his cottage with the thatched roof. He always offered them something to eat, like milk and cookies or coffee and cake. Would you like to visit Mr. Sticky?

Oh, Mr. Sticky! He was always mixing up his words, like saying strumpets instead of crumpets. That's Ok. The strumpets tasted very good and Mr. Sticky liked to eat them. Whoops. I meant the crumpets tasted very good. Oh my!

Mr. Sticky was so nice that he carried doggie treats in his pocket so he could give them to all the dogs in the neighborhood. The dogs liked Mr. Sticky very much because he always had a treat for them.  He would roll out the white carpet so they wouldn't go on his beautiful lawn.

On this particular day, Mr. Sticky decided to walk into town looking for good deeds to do. There were always some old ladies who needed help crossing the street. So Mr. Sticky set out on the long journey to town. On a country lane, he saw a turtle in the road. He helped the turtle get across the street so it wouldn't get squished.

Mr. Sticky walked and walked. Finally he got to town. He said hello to Mr. Crisper the greengrocer. He said hello to Mr. Moe the barber. He said hello to Miss Blossom at the flower store, and he helped many old ladies cross the street.

Mr. Sticky was so enjoying walking and saying hello and helping little old ladies cross the street that he lost his way. But he kept on walking. He walked and he walked. Suddenly he realized he was where no one ever wanted to be. You guessed it. He was accidentally on the wrong side of the tracks! Oh no, Mr. Sticky!

Before he new it, Mr. Sticky found himself in a very bad place indeed. The buildings were all run down and vacant and people didn't seem all that friendly. He supposed this was that place people called “the hood.” Oh well. Mr. Sticky gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. He asked some young men for help.

They spoke in a language that Mr. Sticky could hardly understand. But he tried to speak back to them in their own tongue so they would feel comfortable around him.

He didn't know what he said but whatever it was, they didn't like it. They said awful things to him and made odd gestures with their hands. They pushed him and hit him and stepped on his pumpkin-like head. This made Mr. Sticky frightened and very angry.

Oh no. It made him much more angry than that. In fact, it made him very, VERY, MAD!!

That's right, Mr. Sticky. You were pissed! Now, Mr. Sticky had been on the fencing team in high school, and it all came back to him. The training. The discipline. The skill. So he picked up an old broomstick and began fighting them with it. They were losing against Mr. Sticky's fencing technique, while they all swung their bats around wildly. When one of them drew a weapon, Mr. Sticky was able to knock the weapon from their hand. Many others came to join the fray, but Mr. Sticky held his ground until all of them gave up and ran away.

The newspaper found out about Mr. Sticky and called him a hero. They wrote a very nice article about him that made him famous.

A Hollywood producer read the article and made a movie about Mr. Sticky and his heroic fight in the hood. The movie made Mr. Sticky an international star, and now he had fabulous pool parties at his house with all his friends. They were fun parties and there were lots of strumpets. Would you like to go to a pool party at Mr. Sticky's house?

But Mr. Sticky didn't change. He was still the same old nice Mr. Sticky except now he was rich and famous. He still fed the neighborhood dogs treats and helped turtles get across the road so they wouldn't be squished. And he was constantly helping little old ladies cross the street. Mr. Sticky thought about his good fortune often, and he guessed the moral of the story is to always stay true to yourself. Do the right thing and be a nice person, but don't let people walk all over you. You are not a doormat. If someone should wipe their feet on you, stick it to 'em. Respect yourself.  And alway remember, as Mr. Sticky's friend Feline Prophet said, "There is no situation too sticky to get unstuck from."

Now, I'll bet you want to see the movie that made Mr. Sticky a star. I've arranged a private screening. It's just the action scene.  We had to cut out Mr. Sticky's love scenes because that would be naughty.  So here is just the violent part.  Lights!

Mr. Sticky Sticks It To 'Em

Photo Credits:  The picture of the girl on the railroad tracks by Mr. Write on flickr. The model is Ishe.  Picture of four hoodlums by


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