Once Upon A Time -- How Uncharming's Mother Bit The Dust
The Poodle-fication of Lancelot
Since Rump wasn't on this week and Regina was only in one scene where the little twerp Henry tricked her, Uncharming didn't have any scenes with them and managed to keep his insufferable arrogance at bay. The back story, this week, was how Uncharming retook the kingdom. Nevermind the kingdom doesn't even belong to him.
Our new Fairy Tale Character Of The Week was Lancelot. He explained he was no longer with The Round Table. I would imagine King Arthur threw him out when he learned he was messing around with his wife. He was working for King Charlie Widmore, but within five seconds of meeting the irresistible Snow White, he became her devoted poodle.
This episode really made clear why I loathe Snow/MM. She has no compassion or sympathy for anyone but herself. She basically snickered at King Charlie talking about having his own true love. And when Aurora tried to kill her to get revenge for the loss of her true love, Phillip, the nasty beyotch offered not one ounce of compassion or understanding. Yet we're all supposed to feel sorry for and root for her to get back with her true love. Sorry, I'm not one of those mentally challenged Fairy Tale Land characters who are willing to die for her just so she gets to be happy.
The episode began with Cora shining-on Emma. So much for Emma's special power to detect lies. But to be fair, Cora was good. Even knowing what I know about her, I almost believed her. She seemed so contrite. Before Snow came back to the land of the living and told Emma to shut her yap, Cora gleaned that Regina has a son named Henry that she and Emma share. I keep thinking history will repeat itself and Emma [like her mother before her] will be responsible for Cora killing someone Regina loves.
Emma and Snow are brought up from the hole and Snow is reunited with her poodle, Lancelot. She says she knows of a portal that could take her and Emma back to Storybrooke. She says she's going to lead them back to her castle. It's actually only hers in the way someone breaks into an empty house and squats there and thinks it now belongs to them. She has a castle, her father's castle. Why didn't she and Uncharming reclaim that kingdom, instead of one that belongs to neither one of them.
On the way there, Emma shoots off her gun and causes an Ogre attack, but Super Snow fells it with a single arrow. At the castle that doesn't belong to her, Super Snow realizes Lancelot isn't really Lancelot but Cora in disguise. Cora shows herself, showing she's still got her magic, and a battle ensues. During the battle the wardrobe goes up in flames, destroying the last way back to Storybrooke. Cora pops out and when everyone's gone she pops back and gathers a vial of ashes from the destroyed wardrobe.
Afterwards, Snow is made leader of the band of survivors. She just arrived, she's partly to blame for what happened to Phillip, and Mulan is supposed to be this great warrior, and they make Snow Ho the new leader. Only in a fairy tale.
Back to this week's back story. I knew it was coming since the moment Snow Ho told Uncharming that were going to take back the kingdom. Since they were too cowardly to go after Regina and take back the kingdom that Snow Ho actually had some rights to, they went after King Charlie's instead, figuring it would be easier, since he couldn't do magic.
No, but he could do poison. Before Lancelot became Snow Ho's poodle, he abducted her and took her to King Charlie. While she was sneering about King Charlie actually having a true love and slurping up the drink he gave her, he told her he'd put a potion in the drink to make her barren. Then he had her dumped back in the forest like a sack of garbage. Not long afterwards her poodle, Lancelot, shows up and tells her King Charlie has found where Uncharming has secreted his mommy.
Yeah, I can't slam him for forgetting all about his mommy because he found true love. I can slam him for something else regarding his mother, but that comes later. Snow and her poodle arrive as King Charlie's men are attacking. At the end of the battle Uncharming's mother has an arrow sticking out of her and the poodle declares it's poisonous. Uncharming figures the water from the lake will save his mother, but when they arrive the lake is all dried up. Seems when he whacked the Creature Of The Lake he caused it to dry up. Alas, there's only enough water left for one. Since you know Snow Ho has told Mommy Charming that she's barren you know whose going to get the water and who isn't. In short, Mommy Charming is about to take a permanent dirt nap. Yet another sacrifice on the altar of Snow Ho's happiness.
And here comes the part I can trash Uncharming on. His mother isn't dead two seconds before he's off with Snow happy his mother's pendant said they were going to have a girl child. It's like he forgot her body was even there. Dude, could you like bury your mother before you start tap dancing on her grave. You should have seen my mouth fall open in shock when his mother dies, he steps away from her corpse and he's all happy [and I think he was even laughing] with his beloved Snow. This dude doesn't have any kind of normal feelings. In the real world I think we might label him a sociopath. No normal person watches their mother die and two seconds later their all happy. That's just not normal.
Anyway, since we haven't seen them take back the kingdom, that means we'll be subjected to even more flashbacks of them. Yes, we'll get to see how they stole someone else's kingdom and claimed it for their own. I can hardly wait.
In Storybrooke, when Uncharming blew off his little twerp grandson wanting to team up to save Emma and Snow, said twerp went over and bugged Jefferson about reuniting with Grace. Jefferson finally did and they were happily reunited. We got to see a whole two seconds of the reunion when the camera focused on the mopey twerp, who perked up when Uncharming brought him a sword to teach him how to fence. And that little scene was interrupted by the camera focusing on King Charlie watching Uncharming. I don't know what Uncharming did to him in Fairy Tale Land, but he's on the loose in Storybrooke. Here's hoping he does something vile and nasty to the Pretender Prince who not only stole his kingdom but his castle, as well.
