ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel


Updated on April 24, 2020
jimagain profile image

Jim is an accomplished writer with many great literary achievements, most of which he simply made up.

Meanwhile back at the swamp...

Do you sometimes get frustrated if it feels you're not suited to adapt to the world we live in, if things are changing too fast to keep up? Don't feel left behind.

I suspect we are all a product the world we grew up in. A long time ago the world was creeping along at a casual pace...first came fire, then a few thousand years later, the wheel...and all of a sudden...wham, technology did a pole vault over us. Some of the more primitive life forms of the human species got left behind wallowing in the primordial goo.


No wonder some of us feel like a neo-neanderthal of the Fred Flintstone variety living in a George Jetson world.

Evolution has always been throwing us a curve. Maybe we need for a refresher for those who fail to appreciate the difficulties of evolving solely by random chance.

Somewhere w-a-a-a-a-y back in the past in a steamy prehistoric swamp; we listen in on the following conversation in progress; Two amobea are wriggling around...

"I hate random chance. It's been like a gazllion years since we wallowed out of that primordial soup. I was just a simple blob of protoplasm and now look at me."

"Oh, shut up! You do realize you're just a sack of goo flopping along in some cytoplasm with a cell membrane and no internal skeleton. (frustrated pause) Is it asking too much to have a little skeletal structure here (angst with voice raised)?!!"

"Whoa there, Blob! Take it down a notch. Look at your cousin Drool, he's still a prokaryote."

"Oh. I guess you're right. I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated. (silence - impatient sigh) Is it asking too much for some intelligent thought to steer things along?"

"Blob, we've already had this discussion. No. the rules clearly state no intelligent design is allowed."

"No intelligent design?"


"Just random chance?"


"Sigh. This is going to take millions of years, isn't it?"

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the future...

Of course, there are some who simply defy categorization. Take the platypus for example, an an egg-laying, duck-billed mammal that just can't make up it's mind which way it wants to go!

"Bird...mammal...bird...mammal??? Which way do we want to evolve?" Which way do we go from here?!!

Those stupid platypuses held up evolution several thousand years while they tried to make up their minds.

Someone brute from behind gets irritated. "Hurry up and pick one!"

It's the dinosaurs complaining again. The dinosaurs were always complaining because they always got stuck in the slow line at the evolutionary supermarket, waiting their turn to evolve forward. They were stuck this time behind the platypuses who could never make up their minds...which may be why they went extinct? This makes so much more sense than the asteroid theory since I too often get stuck in line frequently at Wal-mart!

Finally they have to call in an Darwinian Director of Random Disorder, who finally throws up his hands in exasperation; "Ok, fine! You can still be mammals and lay eggs ...just go!"

There goes the neighborhood...

Then came primitive Man...

Narrator: Rumor has it man is evolving, presumably in a forward direction from the basic common state. I myself remain skeptical in the face of evident proof to the contrary.

...and then came man...walking upright from his simian progenitors who were always confused.

"So are we Cro-magnons or is it Neanderthals?"

And that one annoying smart guy in the group that no one else liked had to butt in on the conversation;

"Neither, he says, pushing up his thick-rimmed nerdy glasses on the ridge of his nose with one finger. "We've been recently re-categorized as Anatomically Modern Humans."

"What?!! Suddenly the whole group is enraged.

"We've been Neanderthals for decades …just look at all the textbooks!"

The cave-dwellers haven't been this disgruntled since several were laid off as cave men extras for prehistorical re-enactments on the Discovery channel...not to mention the Geiko Insurance guys.

"So easy a cave man can do it!"

"Um, yeah. we find that...demeaning but some guys will do anything to get on TV."

Bickering erupts between the Cro-magnons and the Neandethals.

"Sigh. Theres' never an anthropologist around when you need one!"

"A what?"

"An anthropologist you ninny. Someone that studys the origin of man. haven't you ever read a textbook?"

"Book?" -furrowed thick brow crinkles.

"Oh, never mind". -frustrated- "No wonder this is going to take 30,000 years and an ice age before we can get anywhere."

Man seems to hit his share of snags along the way

Take fire, for instance. Here we find primitve man staring at two sticks with a perplexed look, perpetually furrowed brow looking at the instructions...

"Take stick A and place against stick B...rub together rapidly...aaaarrrgghh! I hate technology! Why does everything have to be so complicated!" -exasperated- Holding up the instructions he rants, "This would be so much easier if I could read!"

Of course, I had to interpret for you since Thrag's vocabulary is limited to a few unintelligible grunts, monosyllabic words, and some wildly exaggerated gesticulations.

See! It's not just modern man that has difficulty with technology

Why does technology have to be so...complicated?

Now we fast forward to the future...

"And that kids, that is why your daddy can't figure out how to work his iPad."

There goes progress!

And now back to the stone age. It's that annoying smart guy again. Why did we have to evolve nerds?

"Don't get too optimistic about the future," he says, "after 35,000 years of forward progress somebody gets bored and invented television. then we get 24 hour Cartoon Network, video games, ESPN, and Cable TV, and then it's back to the Stone Ages for all of us."

'Thrag' here just learned to communicate without exaggerated gesticulations and monosyllabic grunts and snorts. Thrag grunts excitedly with wildly exggerated hand motions.

"Ugh! What 'gesticulate' mean?"

"It means to use your hands and arms in an expressive manner to assist in communicating."

Suddenly he stares at something. "Ugh! What that!!?"



"Oh, her? Don't mind's just some kind of anachronistic throwback to antiquity." "It' looks like a one-legged monkey with some skeletal deformities?"

"Sort of...I know this sounds crazy but I think we may be related...on my momma's side."

Well, then ...your momma must have been ug-leee!"


Now we have affectionately named her as our matriarchal predecessor. We call her...Lucy."

"Are you sure we're related?!!

Meanwhile, two stegosaurus' have been watching quietly. One shakes his head in disgust, the other turns and says, "Humans?!! These guys will never make it."

© 2012 Jim Henderson


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)