I Can't Do This Man Enough Justice: Quotes from Jack Benny

An American Entertainer whose unusual comedic method and expert timing made him a legendary success in US radio and television for more than 30 years.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Jack Benny

Gags die, humor doesn't.

Jack Benny

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

Jack Benny

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

Jack Benny

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Jack Benny

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

Jack Benny

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Jack Benny

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

Jack Benny

Modesty is my best quality.

Jack Benny

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Jack Benny

A cannibal is a guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter.

Jack Benny

"A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid."

Jack Benny

No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

Jack Benny

Gags die, humor doesn't.

Jack Benny

Comedy itself is based upon very old principals of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.

Jack Benny

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

Jack Benny

Jack Benny played Mendelsson last night. Mendelsson lost.

Jack Benny