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Satire - Sarah Brightman Missing
Sarah Brightman in Space
Becoming a Cosmonaut
Some portion of the populace is aware that Sarah Brightman has been training in cosmonaut school to experience an amount of time aboard the international space station (now basically run and occupied by Russians because the US mothballed its space shuttles and -- for now --has nothing to replace them. The US has to pay a ransom to the Russians to get a lift to the International Space Station. Sarah Brightman probably signed her deal before this whole Ukraine fiasco, so we must assume she still has (or had) a ticket -- paying for her whim with hard English cash. Who was it that said the rich are eccentric because they can afford it?
Ready to Go
Surprisingly, with little fanfare, Sarah was sent aboard the International Space Station (ISS) according to the best records available to us. Supposedly, there was a tremendous amount of publicity covering the event, but this has since disappeared -- so it is not even known with one hundred percent accuracy that Brightman boarded a Russian rocket.
Journalists covering the event swear they had film of the event, but none of it ever made its way out of Russia.
Western commentators have surmised that Sarah did in fact board a Russian rocket bound for the ISS. The specific rocket was a successful launch and rendezvoused with the ISS in a timely fashion. There were no reports of trouble along the way. Everything seemed routine.
The on-board Russian crew were interviewed via satellite. According to the crew, after a thorough search, they guardedly commented that once a "celebrity" was on the ISS, they suspect the subject was sucked out into space during a recent junk dump.
The cosmonauts were obviously hesitant to speak authoritatively on the subject. They clearly had not been given permission from the Kremlin to speak openly on the subject. Thus, they spoke in the most speculative and guarded of terms.
Since they could not locate Sarah anywhere inside the station despite a detailed search, they surmised she was dumped into space accidentally. The ISS periodically dumps old parts and other waste into space. If Sarah had been inside the chamber, which she shouldn't have been during a dump, she could theoretically have been sucked out into space.
The International Space Station
The on-board recording system, which captures all the dialogue among the crew recorded Sarah as last being heard singing "All we are is dust in the wind." And after a few lines of this, there is nothing but silence.
The United Kingdom and the European Union have sent official communiques to the Russian embassy for a more detailed account about the entire incident. They are awaiting a response.