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Satire - Sarah Brightman Missing

Updated on May 9, 2015

Sarah Brightman in Space

Missing?
Missing?

Becoming a Cosmonaut

Some portion of the populace is aware that Sarah Brightman has been training in cosmonaut school to experience an amount of time aboard the international space station (now basically run and occupied by Russians because the US mothballed its space shuttles and -- for now --has nothing to replace them. The US has to pay a ransom to the Russians to get a lift to the International Space Station. Sarah Brightman probably signed her deal before this whole Ukraine fiasco, so we must assume she still has (or had) a ticket -- paying for her whim with hard English cash. Who was it that said the rich are eccentric because they can afford it?

Ready to Go

Paid and Ready
Paid and Ready

Surprisingly, with little fanfare, Sarah was sent aboard the International Space Station (ISS) according to the best records available to us. Supposedly, there was a tremendous amount of publicity covering the event, but this has since disappeared -- so it is not even known with one hundred percent accuracy that Brightman boarded a Russian rocket.

Journalists covering the event swear they had film of the event, but none of it ever made its way out of Russia.

Western commentators have surmised that Sarah did in fact board a Russian rocket bound for the ISS. The specific rocket was a successful launch and rendezvoused with the ISS in a timely fashion. There were no reports of trouble along the way. Everything seemed routine.

Routine Flight

Sarah in Flight
Sarah in Flight

The Unknown

The on-board Russian crew were interviewed via satellite. According to the crew, after a thorough search, they guardedly commented that once a "celebrity" was on the ISS, they suspect the subject was sucked out into space during a recent junk dump.

The cosmonauts were obviously hesitant to speak authoritatively on the subject. They clearly had not been given permission from the Kremlin to speak openly on the subject. Thus, they spoke in the most speculative and guarded of terms.

Since they could not locate Sarah anywhere inside the station despite a detailed search, they surmised she was dumped into space accidentally. The ISS periodically dumps old parts and other waste into space. If Sarah had been inside the chamber, which she shouldn't have been during a dump, she could theoretically have been sucked out into space.

The International Space Station

Where is Sarah?
Where is Sarah?

The on-board recording system, which captures all the dialogue among the crew recorded Sarah as last being heard singing "All we are is dust in the wind." And after a few lines of this, there is nothing but silence.

The United Kingdom and the European Union have sent official communiques to the Russian embassy for a more detailed account about the entire incident. They are awaiting a response.

Dust in the Wind - Sarah Brightman

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    • rjbatty profile image
      Author

      rjbatty 2 years ago from Irvine

      Didn't you mean to write "disclaimer" instead of disclaimerin? Gotcha... or am I such an ignorant ass that I can't even distinguish the difference? Ahh! You have me totally flummoxed.

      Well, I really wouldn't want to hear about Brightman being ejected into space. I love her stuff and think she's a really tart kind of gal -- goes toward my theme of unattainable women who are too smart to fall for men. I do tend to think she is rather insane -- or at least far more brave than myself for wanting to venture into space. That's the last place I would want to visit -- despite whatever majestic views it may present. I'm kind of shaky just taking an international jet ride. When I look out my window I don't get a sense of comfort at seeing what the earth looks like at thousands of feet above the ground. During a flight, I never relax, cannot sleep -- even if the flight is 12-13 hours long. I just sort of hold on. Brightman wanting to go into space just seems nutty to me. She's actually going through the whole process, so I guess she's aware of the tremendous risks involved. God forbid anything should happen to her.

      And yes, our news sounds more and more like satire. I can hardly stand to read any of it any more. Professionalism seems to have bled out of the media.

    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 2 years ago from Orlando Florida

      Just a big dsclaimerin a call-out box. "None of this is true, but wouldn't be fun if it was."

      You know how in the newspaper, at the top it says "advertisement." We need to have that for the internet, especially f0r politics. Some politicians say and do such crazy things that it is hard to know what is satire and what is truth.

    • rjbatty profile image
      Author

      rjbatty 2 years ago from Irvine

      I can assure you it is complete satire. I love Sarah Brightman and would never wish her any harm -- even if she makes it into space. I don't know where my ideas come from, but I certainly never want to mislead anyone. I have to place the title "satire" in my intro to keep everyone on the right track. Hopefully, the writing is humorous enough (if rather black in color) so that readers can take the content in the right light. If I see that I'm failing at this, I'll give up the whole satire routine. Dark humor is edgy -- I realize this. I think it can be funny, but if I find that it's off-putting, I won't continue.

    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 2 years ago from Orlando Florida

      This is interesting, but I am not sure if it is satire or an report of actual events. Good job, nonetheless. Voted up++