ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Something That Annoys Me About Vampire Art and Movies

Updated on November 1, 2018
JamiJR profile image

I probably know more about vampires than most published fiction writers.

Admittedly, we're talking about fictional beings here, but the trope of a vampire that's several hundred if not thousands of years old carrying some thin, willowy woman to his lair is tired and, frankly, if the vampire was real, most likely wrong.

Though fatphobes try to deny it, historically speaking, fat was where it was at back in the day. There's a reason that even to this day a woman with big hips is said to have "birthing hips." Despite the fact that medical science has proven that the outward appearance of a woman's hips does not mean she'll have an easier time giving birth.

Think of fertility statues that depict naked women. Large, sagging breasts, a pot belly, large hips, a big butt, fat rolls abound on such images. Even statues of Aphrodite show her with rolls of flab. We all know Rubens paintings are the reason we have the term "Rubenesque" to describe fat women like myself.

Now, when you think of that, why would a vampire, who, as a mortal, grew up with these beauty ideals, go for the skinny chick?

It can't be because she's easier to carry. After all, vampires are supposed to be supernaturally strong. If they are so strong they can flip heavy duty cars, there's no reason they can't easily carry a woman who weighs over 200 pounds one handed, let alone the traditional bridal style.

It can't be because the blood "tastes better." If anything, just like steak tastes better if it's marbled with fat, then the blood of someone who is larger would most likely be tastier and possibly be more filling.

The only explanation is trying to appeal to modern beauty standards. Which, in my humble opinion, is just plain old cowardly.

For one thing, one could easily use this as a chance to show how stupid, and sometimes destructive, society forcing one type of beauty on people is. Having a vampire who's still stuck on what was considered high beauty in their mortal years is perfect symbolism. Be it a vampire who wonders why women no longer pluck their eyebrows and the hair on their head to make it look like their forehead is larger, a vampire who still pads his calves, or one who thinks more painful and cruel "beauty" standards should still be practiced.

For authors, especially those who write horror movies, you also have a good chance for a bait-and-switch with your characters. They all think, because of their own shallowness, that the vampire is going after the gal who could model for Victoria's Secret, but in reality he's been making the fat, middle age woman they've all been ignoring his new bride. No one realizes this until she's got her fangs in their neck.

For artists, you're missing out on the opportunity to draw so many amazing pictures. It's the 21st century, you don't even have to stick to the traditional buff male vampire carrying willowy human female bridal style. You could have a tiny, dainty, feminine female vampire carrying her large, buff girlfriend bridal style. You could have a broadly built male vampire carrying a his boyfriend over one shoulder and his girlfriend over the other. There's so many new ways to breath life into an old trope.

To many this might seem a minor, petty annoyance since vampires don't exist, but it's still one all the same. Some vampires are simply going to be the type who don't want none if you ain't got buns, hun.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)