Star Trek Rebooted

Space, The Final Frontier?

Players: Captain Gin Tea Cup, Shock from the planet Voltage, Gerk Cough, Solo, O’Hara, Shotty, the chief engineer. Boney, ship’s doctor.

Historian’s Note: This story takes place in the final year of Captain Gin Tea Cup’s final command of the Star Ship Hertz. After the events of an alien device which is pulling the ship into destruction.

Computer: Alert! Alert!

The warning gave the crew the time it needed to try and prevent the destruction of the USS Hertz.:

“Captain, we need more power to reverse the ship!” shouted Solo from the driver’s seat.

“Why do you always bother me when there’s a problem!” the captain shouted back.

“Because you’re the captain.”

“Oh yea, that’s right.. my bad.”

“Shock, your recommendations?”

“If we do not pull the ship back, destruction is imminent.”

“Destruction is what? Why do you use big words, you know I lost my Vocabulary for dummies book!”

“Why don’t you look in lost and found captain,” said O’Hara. “I found a pretty pink bra there.”

“You did?”

“Yea, I would show it to you but I sold it on Ebay.”

“How much did you make?”

“Twelve dollars, but that’s not including the shipping and fees, so actually I just made six dollars.”

“Hey that’s better than nothing.”

“You got that right!”

“Jerk-off pull up the view screen,” ordered the captain.

“It’s Gerk Cough captain.”

“It is… for years I’ve been calling you Jerk-off.”

“I’m glad you didn’t know what I was calling you for years.”

The captain grimaced.

“Captain, you better do something. I can hear the crew crying in their quarters like little bitches,” said Shock. The Voltage’s superior hearing gave him the necessary advantage. Though the ship’s walls were paper thin, he still had the advantage. He was also a peeping tom.

“Shotty, we need more power!” the captain called down to engineering.

“Captain I’m on a break!”

“Dammit it Shotty, you’re always on a break!”

“I have to eat you know I have low blood sugar.”

“How long will your break take?”

“Ten minutes or so.”

“Shotty if we don’t get power we’re….”

“Toast.”

“Yea Toast!”

“No captain, I was preparing toast.”

“With butter?”

“No margarine, but it taste as good as butter.”

“It sounds good.”

“You want some?”

“Yeah, fix me some toast.”

“I like French Toast,” added Solo.

“With the cinnamon right?” added Gerk Cough.

“Yea, hey Shotty, make mine French toast with a touch of cinnamon,” said the captain as he closed communications.

“Captain we are losing life support!” shouted Solo.

“Mmmm, that sounds good,” Shock added.

“Losing life support sounds good to you?” the captain glared at his science officer.

“No captain, the French toast.”

“It does, doesn’t it? Shotty, I need you to prepare another French toast for Shock.”

“Captain, two orders? I just can’t the toaster’s going to blow!”

“Dammit it Shotty! If you can’t handle two orders then you should just hang up your penis!”

“Captain,” Boney said as he stood in front of the captain’s chair. “If we’re going to have a bunch of injured crew members, I want a raise. I’ll be damned if you catch me working overtime for the same pay. Dammit Gin, I’m a surgeon, not a factory piece worker!”

“Wait a minute, you get paid?”

“Captain, we’re not going to make it!” shouted Solo.

“Of course we’re not going to make it, we’re both men and I happen to be straight.”

“Damn, well how about you Shock?”

“Just because I walk like John Wayne, it doesn’t make me gay, but I’ll think about it.”

In this case, the Voltage had chosen to keep his homosexuality a secret. A decision he now realized was not wise. He could have been making it with Solo these past few years.

The USS Hertz started to rumble, then grumble.

“Shotty, the damn ship is hungry too!”

“Shock, it’s now or never,” said Solo. “The ship is going to pieces and it just might be too late. In my quarters I have soft music playing and the scent of lavender is gracing my pillow.”

“Dammit it Solo, I’m not gay!” The Voltage resisted the temptation to berate himself for his behavior. A lie he just voiced was unproductive and illogical. He knew that the pink bra O’Hara found was his and he wanted to beat her to death for selling it on Ebay.

“This is it, we’re all going to die. O’Hara, to my ready room!”

“A meeting captain?”

“No sex, you’re the only female on board. I’ve never done it with a black chick.”

“Black? My name is O’Hara.. how do you get black from that?”

“Irish? Nevermind, Solo, to my ready room.”

The End.