So I wanted to declare war on the world on Halloween.
Beautiful Halloween which is by far my most favorite holiday, the holiday of all holidays, the mother of all, the one day a year where I can be something else... creature or angel... Halloween, sweet, sweet, Halloween. No more.
Halloween in my sewer pot of a town has become a complete flop, a waste of my creative time. Halloween for me is all about dressing up, meeting new creatures of the night, acting, and most of all creativity.
This year I went to a Halloween costume contest, (which by the way, I am being a complete fucking narcissist when I say this, but it is so true) a costume contest that I should have won. Not second place, not third place, but first place. Numero goddamn uno...
And yet here I am bitching to a webpage; a blog-o-diary about how I lost, and yes I'm a sore loser, but I cannot help it, I KNOW I had this one in the bag. I wouldn't even be so pissed if I could look at the winning costume and say 'Yeah, he/she got me. They deserved the prize'.
I even endured dodging 3 drunk bar fights with whores, nobodies, and some arsehole that thought he was Elvis. Yes, I endured all of this with just one goddamn eye. And for the record yes I will fight dudes; I got guns. Bigger guns than most of the Gumby built swine that reside here in my sewage pot of a town.
At any rate, some half dressed skank won 1st place in the sexy department. Seriously though every broad in the bar looked like a skank, how they decide which skank is the skankiest is still mind boggling to me? Perhaps the winner gave the judge head earlier on in the bathroom? A tit is a tit, you seen one fake cantaloupe, unnatural looking bloated foam ball, you seen em all.
In the creativity department the win went to Elvis, yes, the same drunk douchebag I nearly fought earlier. How on earth 'another Elvis impersonator' got 'the most creative win' is actually making my IQ take blows.
Was he the judges best friend? Seriously now? Seriously!?
Now moving on to the best overall costume, the winner of all wins, the one who takes home the thousand bucks and the trip to Hawaii, the one who gets it all. Drum roll please....
Really? Freddy? I think I saw about 15 other morons dressed as Freddy during the duration of the night. What made this Freddy so spectacular compared to the 14 other Freddy Screwgurs?
So I'm sickened, disgusted, and a sore loser.
I spent hours working on my costume, and I even walked around with one goddamn eye the whole night, which caused double vision and blurring. They could have at least thrown me a piece of candy corn... in my good eye, so I wouldn't have walked away feeling like such a piece of crap loser.
I take a bow though and vow, never again. Halloween you suck! Sewer town you suck too. Elvis you suck, skankiest skank with the foam fake boobies you suck too, and Freddy, welcome to my nightmare!
-Signing off, a bitter piece of shit who should have won the costume contest.