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Halloween Sucks

Updated on November 10, 2009
This was my costume. I deserved to win, and that's all there is to it, anyone who says otherwise can suck on my imaginary balls.
This was my costume. I deserved to win, and that's all there is to it, anyone who says otherwise can suck on my imaginary balls.

So I wanted to declare war on the world on Halloween.

Beautiful Halloween which is by far my most favorite holiday, the holiday of all holidays, the mother of all, the one day a year where I can be something else... creature or angel... Halloween, sweet, sweet, Halloween. No more.

Halloween in my sewer pot of a town has become a complete flop, a waste of my creative time. Halloween for me is all about dressing up, meeting new creatures of the night, acting, and most of all creativity.

This year I went to a Halloween costume contest, (which by the way, I am being a complete fucking narcissist when I say this, but it is so true) a costume contest that I should have won. Not second place, not third place, but first place. Numero goddamn uno...

And yet here I am bitching to a webpage; a blog-o-diary about how I lost, and yes I'm a sore loser, but I cannot help it, I KNOW I had this one in the bag. I wouldn't even be so pissed if I could look at the winning costume and say 'Yeah, he/she got me. They deserved the prize'.

I even endured dodging 3 drunk bar fights with whores, nobodies, and some arsehole that thought he was Elvis. Yes, I endured all of this with just one goddamn eye. And for the record yes I will fight dudes; I got guns. Bigger guns than most of the Gumby built swine that reside here in my sewage pot of a town.

At any rate, some half dressed skank won 1st place in the sexy department. Seriously though every broad in the bar looked like a skank, how they decide which skank is the skankiest is still mind boggling to me? Perhaps the winner gave the judge head earlier on in the bathroom? A tit is a tit, you seen one fake cantaloupe, unnatural looking bloated foam ball, you seen em all.

In the creativity department the win went to Elvis, yes, the same drunk douchebag I nearly fought earlier. How on earth 'another Elvis impersonator' got 'the most creative win' is actually making my IQ take blows.

Was he the judges best friend? Seriously now? Seriously!?

Now moving on to the best overall costume, the winner of all wins, the one who takes home the thousand bucks and the trip to Hawaii, the one who gets it all. Drum roll please....

Freddy Krueger.

Really? Freddy? I think I saw about 15 other morons dressed as Freddy during the duration of the night. What made this Freddy so spectacular compared to the 14 other Freddy Screwgurs?


So I'm sickened, disgusted, and a sore loser.

I spent hours working on my costume, and I even walked around with one goddamn eye the whole night, which caused double vision and blurring. They could have at least thrown me a piece of candy corn... in my good eye, so I wouldn't have walked away feeling like such a piece of crap loser.

I take a bow though and vow, never again. Halloween you suck! Sewer town you suck too. Elvis you suck, skankiest skank with the foam fake boobies you suck too, and Freddy, welcome to my nightmare!

-Signing off, a bitter piece of shit who should have won the costume contest.


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    • Randy Behavior profile image

      Randy Behavior 8 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Yep, far superior. You were robbed I say, ROBBED!

    • MellasViews profile image

      MellasViews 8 years ago from Earth

      Jim I kick myself wishing I had taken more photos of others, but I was such a stormy sore loser I couldn't even bare to look at them. lol. I did get a good shot of Michael Jackson though, from Thriller, which should have won over stupid Elvis!

    • jim10 profile image

      jim10 8 years ago from ma

      Well I think that is a great costume. Sorry you didn't win. I didn't attend any contests but, my sons friend was dressed up like an Ewok. The costume looked great. His parents built it completely from scratch. Maybe you could post some pictures of other costumes and the vote capsule thing. Then we could all vote.

      Adam that is nice to know the swingers parties are exactly the way I would expect.

    • MellasViews profile image

      MellasViews 8 years ago from Earth

      It was a nightmare. The whole place was stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey. Only the stuffing didn't taste good, it tasted like crap, because everyone was dressed up like crap. It was a crap fest, a conspiracy. Every whore down in whoreville attended... yawn. Never again. Never!haha. Signing off... still sore. haha.

    • profile image

      Adam B 8 years ago

      I actually had a gig a few years back at a swingers group Halloween Party and within that party there was a costume contest. The winner recieved a round trip ticket and hotel accomidations to Hedenism (don't know how to spell that). The funny thing about this party and the costume contest was within twenty minutes EVERYONE was naked, giving eachother oral, anal and whatever else. The winners of the costume contest were pretty much the last people with a costume on. There were probably about 200 people at this party and 98% of them were completely naked engaging in raunchy sex with the other 2% being dressed in a costume. Out of that 2%, there was a my band (5 people) and the couple who won the contest.

      Best party I had ever been to though. Probably the best party in the history of the world too.

    • profile image

      Adam B 8 years ago

      That picture of you is good...but I thought you were going to show one where you were in costume? Hahahah, I kid, I Kid. Halloween costume contests never go to the best costume, it always goes to either a girl wearing next to nothing or some cliche costume that took little to no thought.

      This was actually the first halloween that I didn't have a gig so there was no need for me to dress up which was...somewhat refreshing. I was able to just take my kids trick or treating and burn some houses down that gave us shit candy. Family bonding...gotta love it.

    • Megavitamin profile image

      Megavitamin 8 years ago

      That's pretty ridiculous. Elvis and Freddy have been overdone, every year since the dawn of time (I'm sure some caveman won Most Creative for Freddy--and he deserved it, since movies hadn't even been imagined yet.) Anyway, I support your protest!