Disturbing Trends In Evolution

How man fell off the evolutionary wagon.

The Internet, like my brain, is a vast labyrinth of almost infinitesimal series of connections and interconnections, forming circuits traversing and meandering along at a perpetual bifurcating path of diverging transmission trunk lines.

That's why I can rarely put together enough of the neurons and synapses and dendrites in the right sequence to construct an intelligent thought, let alone a complete sentence, or...gasp...write a coherent paragraph.

Darn that evolution!

That's the problem when you rely on random chance & chaos to design a brain out of a bunch of unrelated spare biological left-over parts assembled from a vestigial discount store bargain bin. The brain looks like something purchased on a government contract; or another inferior product being plugged on one of those interminable infomercials we're constantly subjected to.

Surfing through the channels: looking for good wholesome, uplifting content on TV like gory horror flicks or blood-n-gut action movies; and all you find is infomercials. It's like running barefoot and blindfolded through a cow pasture; eventually you know you're going to step in a cow patty. It isn't easy to find quality programming with real substance. Take American Idol. No. Literally. Please take it because I can't stand to watch grown people make complete idiots out of themselves on national TV and being subjected to ridicule. It's painful to watch, memories I'd rather suppress, similar to re-living Junior High.

Watching a full episode of modern TV is like hooking a giant cerebral vacuum cleaner up to your left ear canal and turning that 'sucker' on! It's worse than having a digital network enema. That's not a remote control, you're giving yourself a lobotomy in High Def. The sad part is that it's all self-inflicted. Why don't you just give yourself a mental wedgie, or something?!!

This downward trend in evolution is a direct result of television programming. Viewers went from occasional episodes of Gilligan's Island and the Beverly Hillbillies, which you could only catch one night a week on a black and white TV screen the size of a shoe-box; now we got 24 hour cable TV on Flat-screen that could double for the old Drive-thru, minus the cheesy little speakers and the 13 teenagers crammed inside the trunk. Is it any wonder why society is in a mess?

The more we watch TV, the 'stoopid-er' we get. That's what happened to the Neanderthals. Evolution was going just fine, man was making great intellectual progress; then TV came along and the whole thing fell apart after that. Next thing you know those Neanderthals were going the wrong direction on the evolutionary interstate.

There's a lesson here for all you civilized 'goobers' reading this, if you get stuck in front of the TV night after night. The same thing will happen to you as the Neanderthals. Before long, they were living in caves, dragging their women behind them by their hair, and staring dumbfounded at simple objects like 'fire' and the 'wheel'. They're watching the Cro-Magnons versus the Missing Links on reality TV episodes, chucking piles of solidified stegosaurus 'poo' at each other instead of doing their homework or going to the library. Then they-have to resort to grunting and making wild exaggerated gesticulation to communicate while they watched the network news outlets.

Is that what you want?

No, you won't see this episode on the Discovery Channel.