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Humor - Stuck On Stupid

Updated on December 12, 2016
Are the drinks on me?
Are the drinks on me?

Stuck On Stupid

The last time I checked, it was a crime to break the law.

Unless you’ve been living on Mars (or, maybe Buford Falls, OK) I’m sure we all know about the government bail out of such BIG companies as AIG, General Motors, and Ken’s Bait and Burger Emporium. (Of course the Emporium wasn’t bailed out. The owner of that business actually paid taxes—the same taxes our government so eagerly handed over to their friends in the omnipresent banking system.)

I’m still confused—now get my level of apparent stupidity here— as to why the bail out money didn’t go into accounts earmarked for mortgages and in the names of the poor sods who were too naïve (or greedy) and got into those massively upside down mortgages in the first place.

Sure, GM has to pay the money back, but I’ve heard no talk about bank bail out money being a temporary thing. That money was supposed to go to refinancing bad mortgages so that people wouldn’t get foreclosed on, effectively losing their houses. But what did the banks do with it? Lent it to other banks, invested it, PAID UNGODLY BONUSES TO CEOS, ETC, ETC. But almost no refinancing happened.

Having worked a while in the mortgage industry, I can tell you that it’s not only the buyers who caused the real estate “bubble”. It was more like a snot bubble for as much good it did the lending and real estate industries. The only ones that made out like bandits, were the bandits IN the lending industry.

Funny how that worked.

But, any way, back to the bail out. I was dumbfounded (or found it to be dumb) when I learned that AIG created a dummy company for the sole purpose of buying off all AIG’s bad accounts. This was done to make their profit/loss statement make them look as if they were made of 24 karat gold.

When they got their sterling financial statement back, they also bought back their bad debts and were, once again, 24 karat gold plated poo.

Had you or I tried that, we would have been thrown in jail before you could say Ponzi scheme.

Interestingly enough, because the bank was considered “too big to fail”, they just got a stern, disappointed shake of the head from the government and then all of our money went into the bank’s pockets.

Wish I was a CEO in a big bank; Not only would I get a massive bonus for being a crook, but I’d get it from the poor tax payers whom I’d already ripped off!

Wait! That’s NOT a good thing! What were the banks thinking!? What was the government thinking?! I think their intelligence settings were stuck on stupid!

In fact, I’d say they weren’t thinking at all!

Can this kind of underhanded activity go… go…. What?

Hey! Who’s hand is in my pocket?! Give my wallet back!

No! Stop! I need that watch to tell what time it is!

What? My VCR too? Dear God!

You’re taking my computer as well?


Hey! Don’t put your hand in my ‘ouf! Ot ay illings! I eed ose oo tew!

Sorry. I was just paying my income taxes. By the way did you also know that income tax is unconstitutional? Sure, Amendment 16 says the government can tax income without reason, but I didn’t find any ratification. That would have required research which is too much like work. Still, that amendment is a huge contradiction to the portion of the Constitution that clearly says the government shall NOT tax the people’s income. Oh, well. As John Lennon once said, “That doesn’t sound right.”

There is an old Chinese proverb (or curse, depending on whether you are a glass half full or a glass shattered in a billion, minuscule pieces on the floor kind of person) that says, “May you live in interesting times.” I think we are. We live in such wonderfully screwed up world.

Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’m being arrested for giving these two cents to you and not listing it on my taxes. I guess I’ll need a bail out.


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    • RGNestle profile image

      RGNestle 7 years ago from Seattle

      Don't we all. (I hope the guys from FBI-Mart aren't listening in...

    • profile image

      dracaslair 7 years ago

      we need a better goverment

    • RGNestle profile image

      RGNestle 7 years ago from Seattle

      Hmm. I write this after I replied to your comment on The Perversity of the Universe. There are a LOT of over the shoulder lookers out there. I wonder if they are all as dangerous as Mr. Tickles...

    • k@ri profile image

      Kari Poulsen 7 years ago from Ohio

      I agree that we certainly live in some interesting times! As you say...kind of a double-edged sword...depends how you look at it.

      I hesitated to add my 2 cents here (looking over shoulder nervously), but I was compelled to comment. I really enjoyed it!

    • Chaotic Chica profile image

      Chaotic Chica 7 years ago

      Such humorous truth! It is a sad thing, indeed, and there doesn't seem to be much we can actually do about it.

    • profile image

      gwennies pen 7 years ago

      I found it, I saw it! : ) Made me chuckle anyway.

    • RGNestle profile image

      RGNestle 7 years ago from Seattle

      Now we just have to find the humor in it all. Thanks for the comment!

    • suziecat7 profile image

      suziecat7 7 years ago from Asheville, NC

      Things are pretty messed up, RG. I agree with much of your comments here. I'm a fan too.

    • RGNestle profile image

      RGNestle 7 years ago from Seattle

      This was inspired by a bee in my bonnet. Why I was wearing said bonnet and how the bee got in there, I don't know. But I have decided that I can have a soap box if I want and can use it when I wish. After all, isn't that what bonnet bees and public forums are for? No? Oops! :^)