Swim In My Green Pool

My pool has been green since May. I have dumped every chemical a poor man can afford into the water, and still, that damn pool is green. Green like an Emerald, I'll still go for a swim.

I won't test the water, I know it's clean. It smells like soap. I know I could test the water, but that kind of shit just seems far too complicated. Besides, I'm a poor... simple folk. Green water does not bother me, it's when some asshole has to point it out.

'Ew, did you know your pool wattah is Gu-rheen?' Tah tah.

I reply with some snarky remark on how I'm color blind. What do they know? I've swam in pools that were green and slimy, and my heart is still beating. At least the pool is not slimy.

So while they sweat and make comments, I swim in heat busting Emerald juice- eat that.

I got this pool last summer...

or...

was it the summer before?

Whatever. Either way the cheap hook me up and fill me up in one hour pool is fantabulous. For $300.00 it came with it's own plug, filter, and ladder. I'm livin the big life, la vida loca even.

-Since we are on this summer water topic now, I figured I'd jump the topic, but keep it related.

Bathing suits.

Personally I hate bathing suit shopping.

In stores they won't ever sell me the top and the bottom in a set together. Nope...they charge for the top, and the bottom separately. That will be $40.00 for the top, and $40.00 for the bottom. A cool $80.00 for one ugly bathing suit.

Most of us will buy the top, and wait for the bottom to go on sale, only to discover that when it goes on sale, its all sold out. This is why so many women do the mix match bikini (which by the way looks like shit). It is because the fucking money sucking bikini co's are too greedy to sell the damn thing as a set.

For you fashionista bitches, maybe you are okay with spending $40.00 on a pieces of cloth no larger than a fishing string- you are okay with spending daddy's money. However when I piss out $80.00 for a bathing suit I expect the damn thing to cover my tits, my ass, and I expect it to stay put when I go for a swim.

That does not happen though does it. The suit only covers half the boob, and half the butt. Barbie with her perky tits, and flat ass must have had a hand at the design of bathing suits.

Maybe some of you like your ass hanging out, but personally I don't want to smell your butt cheese when you walk by. Seriously I don't want to smell it, and believe me, I have smelled my fair share of dirty puddy's this summer at the beach. I should be able to sue you for violating my nostrils like that. It causes embarrassing bouts of sneezing, which could have all been avoided had you rinsed with some Vagisil before going to the beach in your teenie weenie, unwashed polka dot bikini.

Another complaint I have about swimsuits is the fact that nearly every single suit for sale these days include some strange weigh my titty's down chain.

Why is there a chain on a swimsuit?

I made the mistake of buying one of these 'spensive chain gang suits, only to have the damn thing rust away after just 2 uses. I guess I was glad in a way though, because in due time, the shiny metal surely would have attracted a shark, or some water predator.

I guess it is cool if you don't know how to swim, and you are some dirty bitch who never washes the suit. Just spray some perfume on that crotch, no one will notice the difference... that is...until the wind blows, and the crowds gets a woofed foul mixture of rose oil and ass juice.

Just stay away from me if you go in the water, I don't need any sharks biting me while attempting to eat your chain-kini. Tee-hee!? Got it Gidget?