Ten More Top Ten Most Asked Questions in the World
More Ten Most Asked Questions in the World
As many of you know, I am fond of deep research and generally pedantic article writing in which I can display seeming knowledge of absolutely nothing with a penchant for making nothing sound like something unless one looks closely and realizes I haven’t said anything at all. So, in keeping with that tradition, I have once again gone to inconsiderable lengths to accumulate the following list, discovering through several minutes of research the ten facts that follow, except those parts that are based in speculation or upon semi-empirical anecdotes, and have thus presented them accordingly and so on. So, further further ado beyond some additional typing to fill up space given the nature of the ads HubPages places at the top of each article--they're very large and if you don't do it right, you can end up with a big, awkward blank space between your opening paragraph and the rest. So, that said, I believe I’m wordy enough here for symmetry and can now get to the heart of the matter: More Ten Most Asked Questions in the World.
1. Are we there yet?
Right answer: No. Not yet.
Wrong answer: Yes, we are there. Don’t let the trees whipping past and the other cars driving by fool you. Go ahead and jump out of the car and have a look around. Take your sister with you.
Commentary: I am sorry that this one appeared first on the list; I'd really hoped for a funny one first, but to establish the scientific credibility of my research, I had to start with this because it truly gets asked the most often if we are talking raw numbers:
According to Childstats.gov there are roughly seventy million children in the U.S. So, using the clinical data of my family as empirical support and figuring the typical family in the U.S. takes 3 road trips per year, and figuring 2.3 children per family, then, doing math, you have 30,434,782 families taking 3 road trips each year, meaning there are over 91 million road trips being taken in any given 365 day span.
Given that an average child will ask, “Are we there yet?” at least 4 times an hour, and the average road trip is 3 hours one way--making 6 hours of driving per round trip--that’s 24 times per child multiplied by the aforementioned 2.3 children, meaning that per trip, we’re talking 55 times it gets asked. With 91 million road trips per year, that means this question gets asked over five billion times per year [5,023,200,000].
So, while I realize that’s not a very exciting opening answer, it’s an accurate one, and that’s why “Are we there yet?” is number one on this list.
2. Do I look fat in this dress?
Right answer: No. It’s a little snug around the hips, but we can accessorize with this wrap and it will look great. Plus, it’s doing wonders for your cleavage!
Wrong answer: Yes. In fact, I saw you come out here and suddenly had a craving for milk and something made from pork. But I'm not sure what that means. Anyway, yeah, you look terrible in that, especially in the middle. Looks like someone jammed a water balloon through a napkin ring. Does it hurt?
Commentary: I don't believe this question requires much commentary, so we will just move on.
3. Does size matter?
Right answer: No. It’s the motion of the ocean that matters, not the size of the boat.
Wrong answer: Yes, size does matter. Frankly, I’ve had bowel movements more satisfying. You dropped trow and it was all I could do not to laugh. I’m so sorry, but, just, wow. Maybe some Enzyte and a few thirty-minute sessions with a bladeless Flowbee would help?
Commentary: My only commentary here is to ask, why is the chick in that video using peppers? Wouldn't that burn? Seems like it would burn to me.
4. What time is it?
Right answer: 4:35 (or whatever time it is)
Wrong answer: Apparently it's time to buy a watch. I mean, what do they cost now, a buck at the dollar store? Splurge a little. Maybe pull your cell phone out and have a peek yourself if that's not too much to expect. What did it take me, a second? Oh wait, you wouldn’t know because you don’t have a timepiece handy.
Commentary: If you're wondering why I'm so acidic here, it's because I hate clocks. I think they impose artificial constraints that do nothing to improve the quality in life and, in fact, have quite the opposite effect. But, I risk pontificating, so, I'll move on.
5. When is dinner going to be ready?
Right answer: Around six.
Wrong answer: How about when you get your lazy ass off the couch and make it yourself?
Commentary: I refuse to comment on this one on the grounds it may further incrimminate me.
6. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Right answer: For starters, it totally depends on what you mean by wood and chuck when you ask the question. If you’re just talking about wood, like, chunks of dead tree, and if by chuck you mean, to toss or throw, then the answer becomes one of mass, energy and inclination. Large chunks of wood can only be thrown by strong woodchucks. But even that relies on the desire of the woodchuck to do so, since we are assuming in the question that a “woodchuck could chuck wood,” thus eliminating a need to ask if one could do so given the lack of hands or something. At some point, however, chunks of wood could be too large for even a strong woodchuck, so at that point the answer would have to be “None; a woodchuck can chuck no wood.” But, if the wood was in small chunks, say, the size of a tootsie roll or even a stick of butter, well, then I imagine even an average woodchuck could chuck a great deal of wood, depending on his or her motivation to do so.
Which raises the question why would a woodchuck want to chuck wood to begin with? I mean, obviously it’s important to them or they wouldn’t have named their race “woodchuck,” but still, even as a member of that species, there has to be a great variance in said desire. If we assume there is something at stake, like a terrorist skunk is holding the woodchuck’s babies hostage and going to blast them in the face with skunk juice unless the winter’s firewood gets stacked, then, obviously, there is lots of motivation.
But that might not happen a lot. What probably happens more is that it's like a typical teenager woodchuck, then it doesn’t matter how young and strong they are, they are going to have no motivation to chuck wood, preferring to sit around and play woodchuck video games instead.
However, that does not consider the metaphorically possible definitions of wood and chuck. Wood is often a reference to male sexual organs and chuck has often been used to describe the act of vomiting. Now, because this is meant to be an educational hub for all ages, I shant go into it much beyond pointing out the possible implications involving how much wood and chucking a woodchuck would being doing if he was into that sort of thing. High volumes of the latter making you wonder if he is just experimenting with the former for the first time or if there is something else going on.
Wrong answer: Yes.
Commentary: It hardly needs commentary, don't you think?
Well, I had another song on here, but the band wants YouTube only views, so, they get nothing from me now. Good thinking, boys.
7. Do you love me?
Right Answer: Yes
Wrong answer: No, I just want to get into your pants.
Commentary: The wrong answer will be considered the right answer if it works.
8. Is that what you’re wearing?
Right answer: Uh, no? What do you think I should wear?
Wrong answer: No, this was my first attempt at dressing ever, but, thank god for you and your sense of fashion, now I can try again. I love feeling like a two year old, and it’s nice to know that my decision making can’t be trusted for things as simple as choosing clothes. I still can’t believe they trust me to eat with a fork!
Commentary: I'm a guy. I stand by the wrong answer.
9. Do I have something in my teeth?
Right answer: Yes, you have a piece of spinach right there, in the front.
Wrong answer: Um, no, you look great. Let’s go in. Don’t forget to smile and look happy, so you make a good impression with your new boss.
Commentary: You know what I really hate, is when you eat Taco Bell and the flour tortillas leave that pasty white goo between your teeth. In like all of them. It looks like you grinned your way through a swarm of white moths on a Harley doing eighty-five. It's totally gross, and the worst part is how easy it is to forget about if you go through the drive-through and eat on the fly. Show up somewhere later and wonder why everyone's wrinkling up their face at you prompting you to yawning pit-sniffs and all kinds of other self esteem checks.
10. Hey, Doc, what is this thing?
Right answer: It’s probably nothing. We’re just going to run a few tests and make sure, but this is pretty common, and I wouldn’t worry too much.
Wrong answer: Holy crap! Dude, WTF, I’ve been practicing medicine for over thirty years and I’ve never seen anything like this. Wow. That has to hurt like a son of a bitch. Jesus! I wouldn’t make any plans for Christmas if I were you.
Commentary: I know that technically the video on the right is the inflicting of a wound more than anything else, but it's just so funny I confess to fudging my point a bit for the sake of having an excuse to show it.
Conclusion
So, there you have it. More Ten Most Asked Questions in the World. I hope that you have learned something important here that you can take with you into the real world. I know that science of this kind can be complicated, so I tried to put it forward in a way that will not offend anyone, regardless of their gender or academic acuity. If you are offended, please make sure to comment in the comment box below and I will deal with you as necessary.
If you enjoyed reading this, check out...
- The 10 Most Asked Questions in the World: Answers from Science and Less Disciplined Disciplines
If you want to see the original article with the first ten most asked questions, that one is here. Prepare yourself, however, for the revelations are deep! - Shadesbreath's Facebook page
Given how much you clearly can learn from me about the universe, why not come Like my Facebook page so you don't miss out on any new and deeply insightful insights. Not to mention sarcasm, satire, rants, raves and even some serious writing too. - Daulton Books (my website and blog)
Come have a peek at my website. I'd love to show you my latest book project (right now my new novel, The Galactic Mage, is out, and the video trailer alone is worth popping over for a look). Plus, there's art, short stories, and, of course, my blog.
Comments
Funny!!! Thanks to Rod Rainey for sharing on Facebook.
haha reminds me of MAD's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions"!!
Haha! I almost spilled my coffee. Hilarious!
Princesswithapen
The woodchucks one and Hey, Doc were classic!
love the part about the woodchucks, that could almost be a whole hub itself.
lol! loved it! the best one was hey doc what is this thing?
great stuff! thanks :]
The first paragraph that was used to "fill up space" is funny. Read that first. But avoid watching that first video (especially if you are a kid). Jumping out of a moving car from a bridge is very dangerous.
The wrong answers here are very funny. Great Hub
by Dave,
Fortunately, I wasn't drinking milk - or anything ELSE for that matter! That was hilarious!!!
My kid said it was on Netflix- guess what educational television we'll be watching tonight? :O)
Thanks for the heads up. She's a HUGE Will Farrel fan!
I thought I would check out some more of your writing while I was avoiding the question "What's for dinner, mom?".
This was awesome. Your daughter is wicked talented. The fat lady is classic.
I loved the clip with Will Farrell, I didn't expect the mosquito on his back... gross, and yet still better than having to suck it up and make dinner.
This was great! You've got skills. Of course, I'm sure you must know that. I feel like I'm learning a lot between you and Mr. Manboobs, Stan. It's like a free class in humor writing. Thanks!
You responded to a question I asked in a forum so I decided to check out your site and I found this. I really like it... it fun and serious and thought provoking... can't want to read more. Thank you!
Boy you put some thought into this that is for sure ... lol
I must say after the math in #1 my brain was fried so I will have to return another day to see if I can grasp some of the rest of this great HUB.
~Expect Miracles
Loved the list. "Are we there yet?" is a personal favorite... I used to drive my parents crazy with that one. Although "Do I look fat in this dress?" is the most important question ever asked and answered.
I like the sketches, they add a very rustic feel.
Very funny.
In fact I could easily fall out with you as I thought I was funny too.
But we all know what thought did hahaha
I also love the , " yes your check is in the post "
Lies Lies Lies.
Great Hub, keep em laughing that's the key to life : }
I don't know why I came back to read this article again. I guess I needed another good laugh. Ha! Ha! Ha! And I got one too.
Funny stuff. I think I was laughing a little too loud. I woke my husband from his nap. It was worth it.
Teresa
I write comments. :P
I do have a few things brewing in my head, but they refuse to plant themselves on paper (or monitor as it were) at the moment. Wish I could force it...but it never seems to work that way.
Good title - I was really curious to see what the top ten were!
Well that was damn fine, and fun and fabulous. You certainly are class Shades.
LOL at the imagery! Most of the hot bods at this gym belong to the staff...although occasionally a member comes in to flaunt his/her "I want to bounce something off that tummy" abs. Most of the members (this being AZ after all) are of the retired variety.
I really must write a parody of this experience...
Eating Kashi bars, doing 10 miles, 6 days a week on a stationary bike in the gym and ogling the eye candy. They think it's sweat...but it's drool.
I need a kick in the ass to finish several pieces that I've started. It's like I run out of gas after a page of notes...but I know they'd be great if I could only finish them. I'd tell you what the current one is about...because the concept makes me giggle...but if I don't finish it then you'd just be left hanging there and then I'd feel guilty and I just don't need that kind of stress.
What's new with you? :)
Remind me never to piss in your Cheerios. :P
That's great, I like the "Are we there yet" one. Great calculation skills!
Man, I'm on your list from now on. This just ROCKS!!!!!
LOL< Morning, I like all the questions, hehehe, Thanks for the laugh and the satire, like it, Maita
Very rich stuff! Truly good fun. You seem like the kind of guy who might like the lil satirical hub I posted a little while ago (Make Mega$$$ With Effortless Ease!). Wander over and check it out if you'd like.
A true classic. Absolutely loved it. Great fun!
Brilliant, I so needed this tonight after a day of receiving really sad news. Thanks for taking my mind of this and making me smile Shades.
What a great hub, really great. And so true, I have found my brain saying one thing and my lips emparting something completely different on many occasions. I found it weird, but now I know that I am not alone. Good work, I will follow you more.
Pity this is not a popular print magazine. Milllions would have enjoyed reading this the way i did: thoroughly
Frightfully funny..no really, haha. I'm not sure what was funnier, the hub or the commentary box but I'm definitely keeping no. 1 up my sleeve for future use.
And I seriously loved your drawings...you could have been Ernest H. Shephard.
Lol, I laughed so hard in the middle of the night that I woke my partner. Hilarious, wow the answers are so witty. I have asked these questions myself and hoped that I got right answers in return. Wishful thinking, so glad I read this after such a tired and hectic day. It really is an art of pure humor.
Hilarious, Shadesbreath - and the comments were as funny as the hub! Do you know "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers"?
I used to love going to a state park in Kentucky, where the animals begged for food. Once there were skunks, but alas, a skunk got into one of the rooms, and you can imagine.
Loved the 'are we there yet' 'wrong' answer... hahaha... been there so many times when my kids were growing up. Right answer: we are there when the car stops moving, unless it's in traffic at a signal or at a potty stop. When the engine stops, we are probably there...unless we have run out of gas...
(smirk)
Hi, this is so funny! Do you know I have been so fed up and a miserable blah blah today! it's my birthday, and I am feeling sorry for myself as nothing spectacular happened! lol but then I came and read this and I couldn't stop laughing! well done, you are the only one to put a smile on my face today! cheers nell
really funny but i think that's true.
Um, thanks for the clarification -- I think I understand the difference now!
The main concern is the sheer amount of time and energy expended on Question #6 in comparison with the other 9 questions. All of the answers are fabulous, but this one gets the prize for being the woodchuckiest:-).
I managed to keep my composure up to this line: "Large chunks of wood can only be thrown by strong woodchucks."
After that, containment was futile.
So... based on your research, it seems that chucking wood is not really a natural act for woodchucks. If they were meant to throw wood (of whatever size) wouldn't they be called woodchuckERS?
Hahaha! I truly enjoyed this! I just love your sense of humor!
Thanks for starting my laughing exercise. Hahaha!
I may have been the first person to check off "useful" when I up-voted you, Shadesbreath... I'm glad you supplied the right and wrong answers (in your opinion) to these top questions... apparently I've been giving some of the wrong answers... no wonder I'm often in trouble with people when I am just answering a question honestly lol I must remember to be honest about spinach in teeth but "kind" when answering about "fatness" questions!
one more top ten question: is it true that you have the same brilliant inquisitive mind as Stephen Hawking - yes!!!
Absolutely fantastic! I look forward to reading more.
Your writing is hysterical. I am still laughing here. You have inspired me to write a new hub in a sort of related way. You got me hooked, I'll be back!
SB - better use any credit card I provide with great caution! They're set to backfire! hehe
Haha...makes you wonder why people bother asking such questions at all! :)
Haha Sometimes I find myself spending as much time reading comments and responses as I do reading the actual hubs. And yours is no exception which makes me think...could I get away with collecting your comments/responses and make a hub of it. I've been called many things but never funny. Classy, effortless funny, I mean. The last frontier.
I have a problem with your title. I mean when you say "Ten More Top Ten Most Asked Questions in the World" it implies that there's another batch of top tenners that precedes this list. And if that's the case, the top tenners here aren't the top tenners in actuality but more like the top 11-20. So logically, the title is misleading. I would have to flag this for misleading me. Sorry. :D
PS But you may explain yourself using statistics and algorithms and anything with numbers (that should confound me bigtime and force me to believe you with nary a question) :D
It's unethical to be listing those right answers to someone who consistently gives the wrong answers, after the quiz is over.
A sincere answer with loving concern for one another. Thanks for highlightning how life can be for people.
I enjoyed reading it!
Thanks Shadesbreath, It's a breath of fresh air to read this when times are a little gloomy for people right now, you have made my day!
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